The Safe Bet
by Fyrebyrd
Summary: He needs a fake girlfriend, and I'm all too happy to oblige. Am I just the safe bet, or will he partake of the forbidden fruit?
1. Fake Girlfriend

**Thanks to Fran who always works her ass off at contest time to make sure countless entries are beta'd on time! As usual, 2browneyes and Sunshine were kind enough to pre-read!**

* * *

 ******READ BELOW BEFORE STARTING!**

 **This was my entry for a contest, and it won a few awards. Thank you to everyone who took the time to vote for it. For those of you who have read it, welcome aboard for round 2! For the rest of you, buckle up and take heed.** **This is where I make no promises aside from the ExB HEA. I hope you trust me enough to take this journey with me! Possible big girl panties required!**

* * *

I shove the container of brownies toward Emmett as I pull out my chair. "Freshly made this morning." A giggle escapes when Jasper reaches out and swipes the them away before my favorite connoisseur can get his hands on them. "Hey, hey, no fighting," I scold playfully, watching as the two of them have a tugging match.

"No fair." Emmett huffs when Rosalie distracts him so Jasper can pop off the top and grab three. "Buzzy B made those for me."

Edward snorts as he takes one of Jasper's hard-won prizes. "Pretty sure she made them for all of us. You're just trying to hog them."

I roll my eyes at their antics, though it's flattering to watch them argue. "There're plenty to go around, besides I can make more tomorrow."

"More what?" Alice asks as she plops down beside me, heaving her heavy bag onto the table in front of her. "Jesus, Professor Banner is a hard ass. This final paper is kicking my butt."

"Glad I didn't have him," Rosalie says, looking over her perfect nails. "I've heard he's tough."

"Speaking of finals," Edward butts in, dropping the legs of his chair and raking his eyes across the group. "What are everyone's plans for the holidays?"

"Rosie and I are headed to So-Cal for both Thanksgiving and Christmas," Emmett responds with a dimpled smile. "The winters out here are brutal, and there's nothing like going home for the holidays."

"Yep, Mississippi for me," Alice chimes, still riffling through her bag.

I sigh, wishing I could be so lucky. "Not me. I'm going home for Christmas, but I'll be stuck here for Thanksgiving."

"The Windy City's calling my name," Jasper adds, stretching out his lean arm and snagging the brownie container Emmett has left unguarded. "What about you, Ed? Your parents ever decide what they're gonna do?"

"Hey," Emmett exclaims, snagging it back after allowing Jasper to sneak one more. "The rest are mine, fuckers!"

"Home for Christmas, but it's looking more and more like I might be stuck here for Thanksgiving," Edward says, ignoring the interruption. "The 'rents are planning to come to me, last I heard anyway. Who knows? They can always change their minds again."

"Sucks to be you," Jasper says, shoving the last bite of his third brownie into his mouth. "My mom's going all out this year after last year's debacle."

"Man," Edward says, grabbing his trim waist, "just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt."

"That's how I know this year's gonna be good," Jasper says with a wink. "Lots to make up for."

The two share a conspiratorial laugh and Emmett joins, even though he has no idea what they're referring to. At least, I guess he doesn't, but who knows; guys are weird. Especially these three.

I met Emmett and Rosalie during freshman year, and Alice, Edward and Jasper joined our little threesome last fall. Alice is a year behind the rest of us, but we hit it off when I was assigned to be her sophomore buddy at the beginning of last year. Edward and I met in class, where we were selected to be partners on an assignment, and where he goes, his best friend, Jasper, is sure to follow.

Rosalie stands, tossing her golden hair over her shoulder. "We still on for the study session tonight, girls?"

Alice pauses her digging just long enough to catch Rosalie's eye. "Sounds good, I need a break from all this research."

"I'm in," I add. "I'll stop by the library and grab a couple of books."

Emmett's head swivels between the three of us. "Wait a minute. What's going on here? Books from the library, no research. What exactly are you studying?"

Rosalie cuts her eyes to her beloved, and the look she gives him is almost too intimate for foreign eyes. "The Kama Sutra," she says, her voice husky and low.

Emmett gulps. "Carry on, then."

The rest of us laugh as he follows after her like a lost puppy.

A week later, I'm sitting at a lone table in the back of the library with several books spread before me, taking studious notes, when a familiar throat clears. "May I join you?" Edward asks, pulling out a seat without waiting for my answer.

"Sure," I snark with an eye roll. "Go right ahead."

His chuckle absorbs into my skin and flutters around in my stomach. "I hope I'm not interrupting you, but I figured this is where you'd be."

"Oh?" I ask, sitting up straighter and tossing my pencil to the table. "You were looking for me? This gets more interesting by the second."

"Sure, you say that now …" He trails off, his dark green eyes twinkling with mischief. "I was hoping we could discuss something." He palms the back of his neck, his eyes falling to the books on the table. "Something peculiar."

"I'm intrigued." I prop my forearms on the table and lean closer. "Do tell."

I don't miss the way his eyes jump to my cleavage, which I may or may not have purposefully put on display, before settling on my face. "Can I ask you a few questions first?"

"Sounds ominous."

He obviously has a case of nerves, which I find endearing but also unusual. Edward is a self-assured, hunk of a guy who's never seemed anything but cool and confident. A flutter of his thick lashes or a swipe through his chaotic locks is usually all it takes to get his way with any woman, me included.

"Not really … so Christmas," he says, surprising me with his topic of choice. "You said you were going home, but does that mean for the whole break or just Christmas week?"

"Oh." I sit up straighter, never having contemplated this question myself. "I'm not sure, really. My plans haven't been firmed up yet. What's this all about?"

He fiddles for a second, lining up the edges of a stack of books beside him before searing me with his serious greens. "I have a proposition I'd like to make. You can tell me to go to hell, or whatever, but I'd like you to hear me out first."

Under such a molten stare, I have no recourse but to oblige his every whim. "I'm listening," I breathe, leaning closer as his magnetism is hard to ignore.

His tongue eases across his bottom lip in one slow, sensual swipe, momentarily disorienting me. "I need a fake girlfriend," he says simply.

I'm so lost in staring at his lips that I have to repeat what he said over in my head to grasp it. "A f-fake g-girlfriend," I sputter, stunned those words just left his pretty mouth. "You're joking, right?"

"I wish I was." He sighs and pops his elbows on the table, much like I did earlier "If you'll bear with me, I can explain."

I smooth down my hair and cross my arms, doing a shoulder shimmy as I prepare myself to hear whatever ridiculous tale he's concocted. There's no way in hell Edward Cullen can't get whatever kind of girlfriend he wants.

"This should be interesting," I say, unable to hold back a teasing smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," he deadpans, wiping his hand over his face. When he removes it, it's almost as if someone has kicked his dog. "I'm serious, Bella. I know it sounds crazy, but if you'll just hear me out, maybe it'll make more sense."

It almost feels like an out of body experience.

Many times I've dreamed of a moment similar to this, only the word _fake_ was never part of the equation. Our project was time-consuming, and we spent many hours together last fall, yet never once did it venture into something I could concretely consider to be flirting. Of course, I analyzed his every move later when I was alone, but every one was second-guessable. Everything I thought might've been something ended up being nothing.

"Go for it," I say, waving as if to give him the floor.

He stretches his muscular, jean-clad legs out in front of him and opens and closes the closest book, his eyes on his hand. "My parents are coming to town for Thanksgiving, and I sorta told them I was seeing someone"—his burning greens flick to my skeptical browns—"seriously." They drop back to the book. "I know it's a stupid lie, but I'm so tired of my mom asking me when I'm going to bring someone, _besides Jasper_ , home from college."

The bitterness in his tone wraps around my heart and squeezes. "That must be hard for you. So you've never taken a girlfriend home before?"

His head shakes, but he doesn't lift it. "I didn't want to give her the wrong impression."

"And now?" I ask softly, already knowing the answer. "Won't that happen anyway?"

"Yes." He lets out a deep, resigned sigh and lifts his troubled eyes to mine. "I just want to spend the holidays watching my mom smile. Sure, she'll be sad to hear it didn't work out later, but maybe she'll quit pushing so hard if she thinks I'm taking dating more seriously."

An unintended giggle slips out, and I hurriedly cover my lips. "Sorry," I say apologetically. "It's just, my dad is the exact opposite. He has to stifle his giddiness every time he asks if I'm coming alone and I reply with a yes."

"I'll bet." Edward snorts, and it's the cutest thing ever. "Mom and Dad dated all through college and got married the summer after graduation, so she's having a hard time understanding why I don't have a long-term girlfriend."

In hopes of lightening the atmosphere even more, I fake-gasp. "The horror. Surely, an old man such as yourself should already be engaged."

There it is; that warm, rich chuckle that sends the butterflies scampering. "She thinks so." He shifts, angling toward me and lowering his voice. "I just want to get her off my back, and I thought the best way to do that was to let her think—"

"You mean lie?" I interrupt, wanting to be clear exactly where this is headed. "You want me to help you trick your mother into thinking you're in love with me, or serious like at the very least?"

He moves closer, the space between us feeling too intimate, too warm. "Yes, as bad as it sounds, that's exactly what I want. Will you do it?"

I can't think with him this close so I lean back, crossing my arms over my chest. "What's in it for me?"

"Now you're talking," he says, rubbing his hands together like a mad scientist. "There's a few things in it for you. First, I'll pay you, plus there's the added aspect of seeing my mom's happiness _and_ we can't forget all that time you'll get to spend with yours truly."

"You can't be serious right now," I deadpan, lifting the bitch brow. "I should double my fee based on that last assessment alone."

"Cost be damned." He waves it away as nothing. "So you'll do it?"

"Exactly how far are we taking this?" I ask, remembering his earlier questions about Christmas.

"Can you come to Chicago for New Year's?" he asks, a hopeful spark lighting his eyes.

"I _can_ ," I say, stretching the word, "but why would I need to?"

"Bear with me here," he says, holding up his hands. "If we do Thanksgiving and you come to Chicago after Christmas and stay through New Year's then I can probably get by until summer before I have to tell her we broke up. I mean, we're good friends so spending time together shouldn't be too big of a chore, and I promise to show you a good time. Please say yes, Bella. I'll buy your plane ticket and pay you a thousand dollars."

"Shit," I whisper, shaking my head as I try to wrap my head around his plan.

A thousand dollars is a lot of money to a scholarship holder like me, and it's not like pretending to be Edward Cullen's girlfriend is going to be a hardship. Why he didn't string Lauren, the girl he was dating last month, along a little longer is beyond me, but hey, her loss is my gain.

On the other hand, I have to consider my own feelings. Can I do this and walk away with our friendship still intact? Or will old desires make me wish for things that aren't real? I'm not sure of those answers, but as I peer into his pleading eyes, I can only give one response.

"On one condition," I say, pausing for him to nod his acquiescence. "You have to promise not to fall in love with me."

A beautiful smile bursts forth, and he tosses his head back with a jubilant chuckle. It's a warm, rich sound that echoes across the quiet library. His eyes are sparkling by the time he brings them back to mine. "Deal."

The two weeks between Edward's proposition and Thanksgiving break pass by in a flurry of classes, studying and hanging out. Our friends are none-the-wiser to our plan, and I think I like it that way. The feeling of sharing a secret this big with only Edward is akin to an electric spark. A simple, knowing look is all it takes to send it racing across my skin.

Every time it happens, I have to pull myself from the clouds, from the whispers of what if and maybe. I have to remind myself this is a job, a friend helping a friend, not a bond formed from mutual attraction. I impose the word _fake_ over the images that play in my head, obliterating them from existence.

"I can do this," I say to myself as I pace in front of the small sofa in the basement apartment Alice and I share just around the corner from campus. "No need to be nervous, Bella. You've got this."

My muscles are tense and my hands jittery as I await Edward's arrival. Jasper finally left for Chicago last night, and with the rest being already gone, Edward thought it might be a good idea for us to get together and discuss tactics. I don't know why I'm so wound up, as we've been alone plenty of times before, but I can't seem to shake the nerves.

The oven dings, reminding me I have a pan of chicken enchiladas in the oven. I do a quick shake of my arms to dispel some of the nervous energy and move to the kitchen. The smell of Mexican, cheesy goodness greets me as soon as I open the oven door, sending a wave of calm rushing over me.

Cooking always has been a coping mechanism for me. It goes back to when I was twelve; one year after my mother and father's divorce. I was a confused, lonely little girl with a father who didn't have the words to explain. I stayed that way for a while, until Mrs. Cope, our elderly next-door neighbor, took me under her wing. Each day she'd teach me something new in the kitchen, and each day my burden felt lighter until it no longer existed.

Just as I set the piping hot pan onto the stovetop, the doorbell chimes, and even it doesn't have the power to make me quake anymore. I greet him with a smile. "Edward, I was beginning to think you'd chickened out."

He lifts his nose and sniffs the air. "I knew it. As soon as I got out of the car, I smelled it. What'd ya make us?"

I pull the door wider. "Why don't you come in and see."

"Don't mind if I do," he says as he passes me.

I shut the door behind him and turn, absorbing the way his presence seems to fill the entire room. "As you can see this is our living room, and over there is our small kitchen," I say, moving past him and pointing out the two areas. "You want to sit at the bar and eat enchiladas while we form our plan?"

"Straight to business," Edward says, laying his jacket across the arm of the sofa. "I like it. Even more when there's food involved."

His light teasing manner puts me even more at ease as I point to a stool. "Have a seat while I make our plates."

"Damn, woman," he says with a low whistle. "Are you sure we even need to plan? It feels like you've already gotten your part down. Cooking and serving, what more could I ask of you?"

"Don't get cocky, asshole," I snark, loading an enchilada onto a plate and sliding it across the bar. "Drink? I have water, Sprite and orange Kool-Aid."

"Water's fine." He picks up his fork and shoves a bite into his mouth, not even bothering to blow the steam from it. "Jesus, Bella," he mumbles as he readies another bite. "This shit is amazing. Where have you been all my life?"

I slide two bottles of water in his direction. "Slow down, it's not going anywhere." Heaping an enchilada onto my plate, I move around and slip onto the stool beside him. "It does smell good, eh?"

Edward chuckles as he points to his empty plate. "Fucking delicious."

"So much for talking while we eat."

Pushing his plate aside, he props an elbow on the bar and shifts toward me. "You eat, I'll talk." I shrug and pop the first bite into my mouth, giving him the go-ahead. "This really means a lot to me, Bella. Just hearing the smile in my mom's voice is everything. I actually can't wait for her to meet you."

"Aren't you worried we'll mess this up?" I ask, my apprehension creeping in. "That we won't be convincing enough?"

"Not at all." He grabs my arm, guiding my fork into his waiting mouth. After swallowing the bite much faster than a normal person, his lips lift into a cocky half grin. "We already have the basic foundation of any great relationship. We're friends."

I tilt my head, conceding to his point. "True, but we're lacking in other aspects."

"And that's what we're going to work on today."

My jaw stops chewing as I wonder if he means what I think. "What's that?" I ask as casually as I can while everything within me is screaming for his answer.

His eyes remain on mine as he slips my fork from my fingers and lays it on the bar. "Things like this," he murmurs, sliding my plate away so he can invade my personal space. "Physical closeness, intimate touches"—his lips brush against mine—"soft kisses."

I lick my lips, wanting to savor his essence. "Is that all?" I ask softly, afraid to break the spell between us.

He hasn't moved away, and his eyes are still trained on my lips. "I'm not sure." His questioning eyes flick to mine. "Should we maybe, uh, I don't know, try—"

Overwhelmed by his closeness and emboldened by his uncertainty, I stop his words by pressing forward for a firmer, longer kiss. He stills for one second before he anchors his fingers to my waist and moves back in. His breaths are erratic, much like his movements, but I allow him to lead, to take this journey however far he's willing. Our tongues tangle like vines, slowly and methodically becoming more intertwined as we discover each other.

I don't think about the reason behind our actions. All I can think about is him. The way his fingers dig into my waist, the way his head tilts to drive deeper, the way his eyes are tightly closed. The first kiss that isn't really a kiss at all.

" _Fake!"_ my mind screams, jarring me back to reality and forcing me to bring the most beautiful experience of my life to an end. As I withdraw, it's almost as if he remembers where he is and what we're doing, but instead of freaking out internally like I am, he remains casual—reluctant even.

His hand trails up my body, skating across my arm and landing on my shoulder before cupping my jaw and brushing his thumb over my cheek. "Interesting," he mutters, his green gaze scanning over my face to rest on my eyes. "I think we'll be just fine." His smile is breathtaking and triumphant. "In fact, Esme will be pleased."

Heat floods my cheeks as I remember it's all part of the act for him. Instead of commenting further on the kiss, I bypass it for safer conversation. "Is that your mother's name?"

"Shit!" he exclaims, suddenly withdrawing from my personal space, leaving it cold and empty. "Facts! We can't forget those pesky little things." He looks to the stove, eyeing the pan of enchiladas. "How about we eat a couple more of those and get to know each other better. Backgrounds and stuff?"

I swallow my disappointment and offer the best smile I can muster. "Sure, sounds great."

He stays for a couple more hours, and during that time, we each learn a million useless things about the other. There's no more intimacy, no more practice, no mention that it ever happened. We're just two friends chilling while learning an awful lot about who each other is outside of college life.

* * *

 **I've split this into 4 sizeable chapters and will post them over the next few days. The reason for the split is because I intend to continue it into a least a 10-15 chapter fic, and I don't like a 15k chapter to start a story. Operation's posting schedule is priority, but I believe I can work with these two on alternating weeks. Sometimes having a second thing to write pushes you to do more on the first. Weird, but that's how it generally works for me.**

 **Buckle up if you plan to take this journey!**

 **See you soon :)**


	2. Confused

**Thanks to Fran who always works her ass off at contest time to make sure countless entries are beta'd on time! As usual, 2browneyes and Sunshine were kind enough to pre-read!**

* * *

 **This is where I make no promises aside from the ExB HEA.**

Thanksgiving dinner goes off without a hitch. When Edward picks me up, my nerves are at an all-time high, but his soothing presence, along with his ability to slip into his role so effortlessly, immediately puts me at ease. Edward's mother is a poised and charming woman, whose infectious smile and buoyant spirit make it simple for me to understand exactly why he wants to give her this gift—even if only for now. His father, Carlisle, is a doting workaholic husband whose only concern is his wife's smile and his son's good grades. By the end of the night, I've almost forgotten that none of this is real.

And it almost feels like Edward has too.

"You were perfect tonight, Bella," he breathes. We're standing in my doorway, neither willing to walk away just yet. "Did you see my mom's smile? She was fucking beaming. She loved you."

"She's not always like that?" I ask, just to keep him here a moment longer.

"She's a naturally happy person, but not like tonight," he says, stepping closer. "That was all due to you."

His breath caresses my skin as he leans in, and I hold mine as his mouth finds purchase on my cheek, then the corner of my mouth, then my lips. Unable to fight the pull, I lean into him, taking every moment he's willing to give. But it's not as much as I'd hoped. It's never enough.

"Thank you, Bella," he says as he pulls away without deepening it. "I'll see you Monday."

It turns out, I see him Saturday instead. Just a short visit for no particular reason, and I'm soaring, reading more into it than I probably should. Nothing happens, but him wanting to spend time in my presence is enough—for now.

The following weeks share the same pattern. There are no more kisses, caresses or intimate moments, but he pops in without warning several times, each one making me giddy inside. Our friends are still clueless, and the secret itself is like an aphrodisiac, making our non-relationship seem like _more_ in my mind.

My hopes are dashed the week of finals when I join our friends at the table, interrupting a seemingly innocent conversation. Jasper, Edward and Emmett are rehashing a date Edward had the night before. I'm crushed, but I do everything I can to pretend I'm not listening as they talk about this girl, Jessica. Apparently, she's an art major who's very liberal—in every sense. Once the conversation drifts there, I hastily make my escape.

He doesn't stop in for the rest of the week.

On Saturday, a week before Christmas, we have our last get-together of the year. Rosalie and Emmett's flight is at noon, and Edward and Jasper's is later tonight. Alice and I aren't leaving until tomorrow afternoon. As I arrive at the dining hall, my backpack loaded with various sweets as a gift to my friends, I notice that only Jasper and Edward are here.

Their heads are tucked together as they have an intense-looking conversation. I slow my steps, afraid of intruding. "Hi, guys," I announce loudly from several feet away. Edward's head lifts at the sound of my voice, and he seems annoyed. My feet falter but only slightly.

"Hey, Buzzy B," Jasper says, almost too brightly. "What ya got in the bag?"

I take Alice's typical chair, two spaces over from Edward, and prop my bag on my usual chair so it doesn't feel so obvious. "Gifts," I say without looking up. I rifle through the bag and pull out a container. "Here ya go, Jasper. Fresh baked chocolate chip cookies for you."

"Ha, I knew it," Jasper says, snagging them quickly.

I push another container filled with peanut butter brownies across the table. "And these are for you, Edward."

"Thanks, Bella," he says, not even meeting my eyes.

Before I can ask what the hell his problem is, Emmett and Rosalie join us, the former immediately demanding his own treat. By the time I've given them their sweets, Alice arrives and I pull the final container from the bag, removing it so she can have a seat. No one notices that Edward is especially quiet or that I moved from the same chair I've sat in for two and a half years.

If they do, they don't mention it.

I spend the rest of the day packing and second-guessing everything. Edward bought my ticket weeks ago, citing it was cheaper to buy them all than just my trip to Chicago and home, and I let him. It even fueled some of my fantasies of this meaning more to him. After today, I wonder if I should even go to Chicago.

The doorbell chimes just as I finish zipping my suitcase. With Alice at work and me not expecting anyone, I'm cautious as I approach the door and even more leery when I see who's on the other side.

"Edward?" I say his name like a question.

He looks tired and agitated. "Can we talk, Bella?"

I pull the door wide. "Sure."

This is it. All the uncertainty from earlier rushes through me with an additional side of dread. My fantasy is about to die before my very eyes.

Closing the door, I follow him to the living room and offer him a seat on the sofa, opting to take the chair for myself. "Can I get you something to drink?"

He shakes his head, propping his elbows on his knees. "No, I'd like to apologize. I was an asshole earlier, and it had nothing to do with you. In fact, I've been an asshole all week. I should've never gone out with Jessica."

My brows rise, as this whole situation isn't unfolding as I expected. "No? You're free to date who you want. Our deal is _fake_ , remember?"

"I remember," he says to the floor. "But still, I let Jasper goad me into going out with her, and it was wrong. I know our deal is fake, but I've enjoyed every minute we've spent together, and I don't want it to end."

My breath stalls in my lungs. "What does that even mean?"

He chuckles, but it's not a happy one, and lifts his eyes to mine. "I'm so fucking confused," he says, running his hand through his pretty auburn hair. "Does it have to mean anything right now?"

"No," I say on a sigh. "I don't suppose it does."

"Will you sit by me?" he asks, patting the spot beside him.

When I do, he tosses his arm across my shoulder and we sit in companionable silence for quite some time. "You're still coming to Chicago, right?" he asks after a long silence.

"Is that what you want?"

"More than ever."

I spend a week and a half in Forks with my dad. It's good to see him again, and we fall right back into the same routine we've shared ever since Mom left. He spends his days at the station while I catch up with old friends. In the evenings, I go next door where Mrs. Cope and I make dinner together. It feels good to step back into old shoes.

Though I'm at Brown on a scholarship, it's still an expensive experience all around. Dad works his ass off to make sure I spend my college years studying instead of working. He's a principled, reserved man who's done the best he could while raising a young daughter alone.

My mother all but disappeared when she left. Dad keeps up with where she is at any given time, but my relationship with her is relatively non-existent. A card for my birthday is the most contact she's made, and even then, I usually toss is straight into the trash.

On Christmas morning, I get up to Charlie Swan's Christmas Omelet Special. He cooks once a year, and it's always this. We then exchange our usual gifts of new fishing gear for him and a Barnes and Noble gift card for me while sipping hot chocolate. Afterward, I get dressed and we head to the reservation. Dad will spend the day on the lake, testing his new equipment, and I'll catch up with my Quileute friends.

It isn't until we're at Sea-Tac on Wednesday when Dad finally broaches the subject he's been quietly avoiding. "So tell me about this Edwin." This is his standard operating procedure when it comes to discussing guys.

"It's Edward." I roll my eyes and give him a cutesy grin. "And we're friends."

"Friends, huh?" he asks, pinning me with his police chief stare. "It's mighty nice of you to visit your _friend_ in Chicago."

"I didn't hear you complaining when I spent Spring Break in Biloxi with Alice," I snark in an attempt to put off the inevitable.

"Bella," he admonishes with a low growl. "Don't be a smartass. Tell your old man what's going on."

"It's new," I say, pulling up my leg and tucking it under my bottom as I twist in my chair to face him. "We've been friends for a while, but things have changed just slightly over the past month or so." I sigh under his watchful stare. "We're not dating, but things feel different, and I'd like to see where it goes."

"You still have that pepper spray?" he asks, serious as ever.

I half-laugh, half-groan. "Dad."

He tosses an arm across my shoulder and hugs me to his side in one of his most affectionate moves. "Just looking out for you, kid." He pulls away and grabs my shoulders, his eyes once again serious. "You're a grown woman now, and as hard as that is, I recognize it. But if you need me, I'm only a phone call away."

Overcome with emotion, I throw my arms around him in a tight hug. "Thanks, Dad."

The flight to Chicago is uneventful, and even the landing is smooth. My nerves make a grand appearance as the plane's wheels touch down, but one look at Edward eagerly scanning the crowd is almost enough to settle them.

When his eyes land on mine, everything fades away as his brilliant smile is warm and genuine. He's happy to see me, and he shows it with a tight hug. My eyes fall closed as I savor the feel of him, intent to hold onto this moment as long as I can.

When we finally break apart, he keeps his hands on my arms as his eyes rake over my form. "You're a sight for sore eyes."

I tilt my head, unsure what could have him so stressed. "Is something wrong?"

"Not anymore," he says with a lopsided grin. "Let's get going. Esme's been asking about your flight all week."

He puts his arm around my shoulder, guiding me to the conveyor. From that second forward, he doesn't break contact again. Not as he pulls my suitcase behind us as we navigate the parking garage. Not as we ride in the car. Our hands stay clasped the whole time as he talks about Chicago and some of his old haunts.

I just soak it all in. The sound of his voice, the touch of his skin, his boyish grin as he glances my way. His apparent exuberance at having me here skims across my skin and settles inside my chest like a warm glow. This is everything I'd hoped for, yet nothing like I expected, especially after the last week of school.

Esme is as warm and carefree as she was during Thanksgiving, but there also seems to be an extra sparkle in her eye as she looks between Edward and me. "Welcome to Chicago!" she exclaims as we reach the already-open front door of their three-story home in Lincoln Park. "Bella, I'm so happy to have you here, dear."

"Thank you, Mrs. Cu"—I catch myself as she gives me a playful glare—"I mean Esme. It's lovely of you to welcome me into your home."

"Oh please." She waves the notion away. "I hope to have you here many times."

For the first time since I arrived, Edward appears uncomfortable. He palms the back of his neck. "Mom, maybe we should let her get settled before you start bugging her about her next visit."

"Oh my, of course, dear." She places her hand on her chest in apology. "Forgive me. Surely you'd like to freshen up." She turns her nurturing attention to Edward. "I took the liberty of changing your sheets and putting fresh towels in your bathroom. Thank goodness the rest of your room was mostly tidy."

"Uh, what?" Edward asks, his face turning ashen.

Esme completely misses his expression as she barrels forward. "Oh, come now, kids. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I see no reason to force you into separate rooms when any other time you're free to sleep where you choose." She leans in closer to whisper conspiratorially, "Just try to keep it down, please."

There's a lump in my throat that prevents me from responding altogether. Not that I know what to say. One part of me shimmers with an unexpected exhilaration while the other is completely mortified. Mostly for Edward. It's obvious this is not part of his plan.

With a tentative, apologetic glance in my direction, he finally finds his voice. "You didn't have to do that, Mom."

"Nonsense," she says with a flutter of her hand. "Now take Bella upstairs and let her get freshened up before you give her the grand tour. Dinner will be at six."

Edward refuses to meet my gaze as he grabs my suitcase and motions toward the stairs. "Right this way, Bella."

I pass him, hoping he'll grab my hand and make my newly ramped-up anxiety fade into nothingness, but that doesn't happen. He just quietly falls into step behind me. Once we reach the top of the stairs, he motions to another set at the end of the hall. With each new step, my uncertainty climbs higher, and by the time Edward actually touches me, I nearly jump out of my skin.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, withdrawing his hand from back. "I just wanted to open the door for you."

His meek apology for something I've basked in all afternoon almost shatters me. "Look, Edward," I say, catching his arm as it reaches for the knob. "I know this isn't what you wanted, but I promise to stay out of your personal space."

Every muscle in his body relaxes instantaneously. "Shit, Bella," he says, running his hand across his forehead and up to tangle in his hair. "It's not me I'm worried about. I didn't want you to think I'd somehow tricked you into sharing a bed with me." He moves closer, his green eyes appearing dark in the dim lighting. "If you're not upset by this, then I'm sure as hell not either."

His close proximity coupled with his evident relief flows over me like a calming breeze. I smile, wicked thoughts dancing through my mind. "As long as you don't sleep in the nude, I think we can manage."

"What if I do?" He's so close his breath fans my face. "Would that send you running?"

My eyes leave his pretty face and skim down his body before very slowly coming back to his. "How about we cross that bridge _if_ we get there."

"I like the way you think." He smirks, twisting away and opening his bedroom door.

His room is large and well-appointed in colors of gray and midnight blue. A king-sized bed sits centered on the wall to my right, while double doors straight ahead invite me to scan the private patio outside.

"Why don't you freshen up, and I'll be back to get you in about fifteen minutes," he says, standing near the door and watching me explore. "Treat it as if it were your own."

"Thank you," I say, turning my grateful eyes to his. "For having me here and being so welcoming."

He shrugs, that boyish grin back in place. "It's my pleasure, Bella."

Turning, he exits and closes the door behind him, leaving me to my thoughts. At this point, they're nothing but calm with that rough patch well behind us. Dare I say, I'm even hopeful that these next few days will be a turning point between us.

One where the word _fake_ becomes a distant memory.

When he returns to collect me, all the uncertainty from earlier is gone. He immediately takes my hand and steps right into the role of loving boyfriend. The rest of the evening is spent touring the house and having dinner with his parents before he offers to take me on a drive of the neighborhood. He exudes nothing but joy and happiness as he tells me stories of Jasper's and his youth in Chicago.

Most of the lights are out by the time we return home after midnight, and we quietly sneak up the stairs, careful not to wake Esme and Carlisle. It isn't until we're in his room with the door closed and nothing to occupy us when the nerves seem to creep back in—for us both.

"Do you want to shower first, or?" Edward asks, standing there looking as awkward as he ever has.

"Sure." I shrug, opening my suitcase and grabbing my sleep shirt and shorts. Once I have them, my eyes fall back to him, and I close the distance between us. "Hey, no pressure, right? Just two friends sharing a bed."

"Right," he murmurs, blowing out a loud breath. "Friends. Sure."

I giggle at his cuteness and head for the door of his en-suite. I may even shimmy my tush a little more than usual, but what's a girl to do? I shower hurriedly, mindful that he'll need hot water and unaware how quickly it might run out. After dressing and blow drying my hair, I reenter his room where he's perched on the edge of the bed with his sleep clothes already in his hands.

"It's all yours," I say, only to notice that his eyes are slowly making their way up my bare legs. I almost stumble before collecting myself and continuing to approach him. "Which side of the bed do you prefer?"

At the sound of my voice, his eyes snap upward and he swallows. "Uh, the right."

Feeling emboldened by his unease, I brush my fingers softly through his hair. "Go shower. I'll keep your spot warm."

He practically stumbles into the bathroom, and I can't help but to giggle to myself as I put away my dirty clothes. Afterward, I switch off the lights, aside from the lamp on his side, and slip underneath his soft gray sheets, feeling like I'm already cocooned in Edward.

His shower isn't as quick as mine, but I'm still awake when he struts out looking like a pajama model. He takes his time puttering around the room before he's finally forced to join me.

I roll to face him. "I don't want you feeling uncomfortable in your own bed, Edward."

He moistens his lips with that sinful tongue. "I'm more uncomfortable about the things I want to do to you in this bed." His eyes squeeze shut, as if the words have slipped out of their own accord.

Hearing his admission sends a flutter of heat rushing through me, but at the same time, I also feel a modicum of scorn. The agreement we made doesn't line up with his words. The only thing I know to do is brush it off and plow forward.

"Promises, promises," I say, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

He breathes in deeply through his nose and lets it out in a breathy chuckle. "You always know just what to say."

"Thanks." I smirk. "I think."

He takes my hand and holds it in the empty space between us, a relieved smile curving his lips as his eyes fall closed. "Night, Bella."

"Night."

Within minutes, his calm, even breaths tell me he's asleep, and I close my eyes soon after, overly pleased with how great today has been. Our agreement is clear with no room for miscommunication, yet our actions are not. He could easily disengage as soon as we're away from prying eyes, yet he chooses not to. He either enjoys the game way too much, or it's isn't so much of a game for him anymore.

It's with these hopeful thoughts, I drift off to sleep.

The sun shining on the outside of my lids slowly brings me to awareness. At first, I forget where I am, but the gentle pressure across my abdomen sends my mind spiraling for answers.

Edward.

His bed.

The breaths against my neck are warm and steady as I lift one lid and then the other. I'm lying on my back, and he's practically pinning me down. His face is buried in the crook of my neck, his arm is across my stomach and a leg is intermingled with my own. Instead of feeling trapped, I feel cherished for one brief moment before I let the worry sink in.

What will he think? Will it send him running?

I shift, trying to escape his hold, but he only tightens it with a groan into my neck. "Bella," he mumbles against my skin as he grinds into the side of my thigh. "Jesus."

I tentatively lift my hand and scratch my fingers through his hair, unsure if he's even really awake. "Edward," I say quietly. "Are you awake?"

He grinds into me again and stiffens. "Bella," he says again. This time stone cold reality fills his voice. "Shit. Sorry." He disentangles us and flops onto his back with his arm across his eyes.

I roll to my side, letting my hand rest on the tense planes of his abdomen. "Hey, no reason to trip. I'm not upset. People can't control what they do when they're asleep. Besides, I slept like a baby."

His arm lifts and he peeps from me beneath it. "Are you sure?"

My fingers dance across his stomach to where his shirt is crumpled, slipping underneath to caress his skin. "I'm sure."

His eyes go from light and questioning to dark and hungry. "Bella …" he breathes, trailing off as I lean closer.

I don't worry about how he'll react, I just move. My lips press against his, firmly at first, but then I ease up, lightly skimming across them several times. His hands anchor to my shoulders as I slip out my tongue and tease for him to open. He does. Eagerly. Our tongues twine together, and a mutual, satisfied sigh settles between us.

"Good morning, Edward," I say as I pull away with several pecks and a soft smile. "Don't sweat the small stuff."

His eyes are still slightly glazed over as he stares at the ceiling above him. "I wish it were that easy," he murmurs, tilting his head and gazing in my direction.

"What does that mean?" I ask, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "You're so hard to read sometimes, and then others … I don't know what you want from me."

"More than I should," he responds with a heavy sigh.

* * *

 **This is your last chance to jump ship!**

 **See you tomorrow :)**


	3. The Game

**Thanks to Fran who always works her ass off at contest time to make sure countless entries are beta'd on time! As usual, 2browneyes and Sunshine were kind enough to pre-read!**

* * *

 **STOP!**

 **Are you sure you want to move forward?**

 **This chapter cannot be unseen!**

He doesn't say anything further, just gets up from the bed and disappears into the en-suite with his clothes for the day. My frustration mounts as I wait for him to be done so I can do my own dressing, but when I come out, it's as if a light bulb has been switched. He's back to loving boyfriend mode, all the cryptic ramblings from earlier nowhere in sight.

The next two days follow the first. We spend time with his parents and time alone. Almost every second, whether around people or not, is spent as if we're a perfectly happy couple. Our touches are intimate, and we share several more kisses. Our closeness is more than a fake relationship calls for, and by Friday night, New Year's Eve, I've almost forgotten the word _fake_ even exists.

The party at the Whitlock's house is in full swing by the time we arrive. Edward introduces me as his girlfriend, and he jokes with Mrs. Whitlock over Jasper missing the momentous occasion. Apparently, he left Tuesday to spend the holiday in Cancun, and we won't see him until we're back at Brown.

I'm relieved, honestly. Until _I_ can make sense of what's going on between Edward and me, I'd rather no one else have any insight into it. After all, it could end up being nothing.

The champagne flows freely, but I'm careful not to drink too much. Just enough to keep a slight buzz. Edward follows my lead as he introduces me to many people I may never see again. We dance the night away, our bodies always pressed close, and count down the minutes until the clock strikes twelve.

… 4

… 3

… 2

Unsure what to expect, I brace myself.

… 1

This kiss is unlike any other we've experienced. He's hungry and searching as he pulls me tightly against him, and he thrusts his tongue into my mouth. I don't question it. At all. I fall into it and forget that everyone around us exists. By the time we break apart, catcalls are coming from the people who're standing close by.

Heat floods my cheeks, and Edward's fingers lift to brush against the hot skin. "So fucking beautiful," he whispers, the arm around my waist tightening. "Can we leave now?"

I only nod.

The car ride back to the Cullen house is filled with tension. Anticipation zings across my skin and collects in the pit of my stomach. Low music from the radio is only background noise to the hum that's vibrating between us. The dash lights bathe us in a blue glow that's the perfect match to my mood.

Electric.

As soon as the car is parked, he's around to my door and stealing me into the night, his arms hovering protectively around me. He doesn't bother with lights as he expertly guides me up both flights of stairs and into his room, removing my coat as soon as the door is shut behind him.

I hold my breath as I face him, afraid the spell will be broken when stark reality prevails, but it never does. His lips crash against mine, hungry and tinged with desire, his hands roaming my waist, arms and shoulders; they never stop seeking. By the time I realize we've moved, we're by the bed in a flurry of open mouths and tangled limbs.

Clothes are discarded sloppily as words lodge in my throat. I don't question him. This. I want it too much. It's not part of the deal. It's more. It's everything. _Fake_ has no meaning here.

It isn't until we're naked and tangled across the bed, body parts lined up deliciously so, when Edward freezes, his eyes going wide. "Shit!" he exclaims, attempting to pull away, but I lock my legs around his waist. "What are we doing, Bella?"

"I know what _I'm_ doing, Edward," I snap, angry he'd take things this far before trying to pull back. "Do you?"

"In the technical sense," he replies, his focus somewhere above my head. "And God, I want to. So fucking bad." His eyes flash to mine, lust surging in their dark depths, before he drops his forehead to my shoulder. "But this is beyond our agreement."

I scratch my nails against his scalp, trying to offer assurance. "It is, but you don't hear me complaining." I bring my lips to his ear. "I'm so turned on right now."

His hot, heavy breaths fan against my breasts, causing my nipples to strain toward the heat. Every deep rise and fall of his chest causes his skin to slip against mine, taunting my body, sending my nerve endings into overdrive.

"There's a first time for everything," he mutters, lifting his head, his eyes intent on my lips. "Fuck it."

What transpires after those words are spoken is hot and passionate and messy. Every so often Edward's insecurity creeps to the surface, but my urgency for his touch chases it away. He can do no wrong. His every stroke, kiss and grunt are perfection. Fire flows from his fingertips, and passion radiates from his lips. Words are no longer required as our bodies sing the same tune, reaching the pinnacle together and stumbling into the abyss.

With breaths calming and skin still tangled, Edward says, "Jesus, Bella, I never …"

I smile as I pull him closer. "I know." My sated body sinks into nothingness, and my minds quickly follows.

My pelvis thrusts upward, seeking the fingers that tease and flick at the sensitive skin. My eyes jerk open as a breathy moan claws itsway from my throat. "Mmm, please," I rasp, fists tightening in the bed sheet beneath me.

"Shh, Bella, I've got you," he whispers as featherlight lips trail over my chest. "Let me take care of you."

His soft voice mixed with his stimulating touch renders me unable to do anything but give in to the heady feeling that surrounds us. My body sings under his exploration, and my heart thunders a matching beat as he brings me to the precipice before exchanging his fingers for his impressive cock.

In the pre-dawn morning, braced above me, Edward's hands caress and his lips explore in a new journey. This one is more sensual. Deeper. Surer. The soul-deep connection almost brings tears to my eyes. Our bare skin slides together creating the most delicious friction as he touches every part of me, inside and out.

His every thrust takes me higher, and my muscles begin to quiver beneath the onslaught. "Fuck!" he growls into the silence. "Feels so good …"

His words, his touch, his presence. Everything crashes together as wave after wave of euphoria pulsates within me. "That's it, baby," he croons, sending another tide rippling through me.

"Aghhh," he grunts with two final thrusts before collapsing half on me and half on the bed. His heavy breaths puff against my neck, and his fingers trace a lazy pattern on my stomach, whisking me off to dreamland once more.

The same sensation wakes me hours later, and this time the sun accompanies it. I slowly open my eyes to Edward popped on his elbow, his free hand tracing over my naked stomach.

He gives me a lazy grin. "Morning."

"Good morning to you," I say, trying to hold back my smile. "No weirdness, I see. I like it."

"What's to be weird about?" He shrugs one shoulder and slips his hand higher. "I never imagined it could be so …" He pauses, his face scrunching up as he searches for the right word.

My eyes fall closed as he tweaks a nipple. "Yeah, me neither," I say, sighing from the feel of his touch. He withdraws his hand and when I open my eyes, his are studying me intently. "Is something wrong?"

"Everything's wrong," he says, leaning closer. "But who gives a fuck."

His lips connect with mine in a slow dance of appreciation mixed with subtle hints of want, but it's obvious from his hesitance to deepen it that we won't be attempting round three. "We should get dressed," he says, sitting up. "Our flight is at six, and I promised Mom we'd spend the day with her."

"Do I have time to shower?"

"Take all the time you need."

As promised, we spend the rest of the day with Esme. If possible, Edward's even more affectionate than he's been all week. I feel like I'm walking on air, yet I can't help but wonder if this bubble will burst and send me crashing to earth once we're back at Brown.

After returning to campus, nothing is discussed between us, and it seems it doesn't need to be. We're not home two hours before he's texting me, just little, silly no-reason texts that send my heart into overdrive. By two days, he's already stopping by unannounced. We don't have sex again right away, but everything else is there.

His hands roam my skin, his lips sear me with fire, his grins touch my soul and his velvety soft voice lulls me into complacency. It doesn't bother me when he acts like nothing at all has happened in front of our friends orwhen I notice he only comes by when Alice is on shift.

It's mid-January before one thing leads to another and we find ourselves sharing a shower, and it's another week before he invites me to his and Jasper's condo for the first time. As I've come to expect with Edward, Jasper's nowhere to be seen.

"What's up with you, Buzzy B?" Emmett asks as I take my usual seat. "My sweet tooth sure has been aching lately."

"I told you to warm her up first." Rosalie shoots an elbow into his ribcage and narrows her eyes before turning to me with a smile. "Don't mind him. Chocolate is way overrated anyway."

I giggle at the pair of them. "Is this your way of telling me I'm slacking in the treat department?"

A large, toothy grin breaks out on Emmett's face, but Rosalie keeps a more even expression. "If you want to make some, I guess that'd be nice," she says, trying to keep the hope from her voice.

"Of course I d—"

The loud thump from Alice's bookbag interrupts me. "It can't be tonight, I have a study session planned with Riley."

Rosalie leans closer, all interest in chocolate lost to the possibilities of Alice and a guy. "Is study session code for"—she waggles her brows—"you know."

Alice lets out a peal of laughter. "Maybe."

"Aw, man, fuck Riley," Emmett mutters, a huge pout on his lips.

Edward chuckles to my left. "Come on, Em, you can last for one more day. I'll even buy you a Snickers to help."

Jasper struts up then, flopping into his chair on the other side of Edward. "What's going on?"

Edward tosses his hand toward Emmett. "He's pouting because Bella can't make him sweets tonight. Apparently, Alice has a guy coming over."

Jasper shrugs. "Buzzy B can use our kitchen. I need some more cookies anyway."

Edward stiffens beside me. It's not enough for everyone to notice, but I sure do. "I don't think anyone even asked Bella if she wanted to make fucking cookies," he snaps petulantly, sending Jasper a glare.

Instead of calling Edward on his attitude, Jasper gives him a challenging smirk as he leans forward to make eye contact with me. "Will you make me some cookies, please?" He bats his long lashes over-exaggeratedly.

Even as I giggle, in the back of my mind I worry if I'm over-stepping with Edward. "I don't mind as long as you're sure you want me messing up your kitchen."

"Done," Jasper says, his smirk shifting from challenge to triumph.

The two of them have a momentary stare-down I can't even begin to understand, so I lightly touch Edward's thigh. He keeps his eyes on Jasper a moment longer before slowly swiveling his gaze to me, questioning.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" I ask softly.

He scans my face before that wry grin lifts the corner of his pretty mouth. "You going to make me some brownies, too?"

"You know I will."

"Then you can ride with me."

With that settled, everyone seems to be happy. The six of us eat our lunch and discuss classes for the remainder of our time. I catch Jasper and Edward giving each other weird looks at least twice, but Edward doesn't seem to be upset with me so I let it slide. Edward and I agree to meet after my last class of the day so he can drive me to the market before we go to their place.

The apartment is silent when we enter, and Edward turns on the lights as he leads me to the kitchen. As soon as the bags are on the bar, he takes me in his arms and kisses me hard enough to curl my toes.

"What was that for?" I ask as he pulls away.

"Do you know how hard it is to be around you and not touch you?" he asks, caging me against the bar. "To sit beside you and feel your skin calling to mine."

"Then why do you?" I ask simply.

His brows draw down in the center of his forehead. "What do you mean?"

I run my hands up his chest. "We haven't discussed it, but why are we still keeping this a secret?"

His hands tighten on my waist. "I … I'm not ready, Bella. There are still things I need to figure out." He steps closer, his lips so close I can taste his breath. "Everything about you is perfect. You're perfect. You're a complication I never saw coming."

He doesn't allow me to reply. His lips are urgent against mine, forcing me into submission, begging me for the time he needs, demanding that I comply. I answer with a resounding yes. I tell him with my actions to take whatever I have to give.

In one swift move, I'm lifted to the bar, his jeans creating delicious frictions as his mouth trails across my cheek and down to my neck. I push my palms against the smooth granite and my head falls back, allowing him to continue leaving a trail of fire across my skin as his fingers go to the buttons of my blouse.

"What about …" I trail off as a breathy sigh escapes. "Jasper?"

"Oh, he's not missing this," Jasper says from somewhere behind Edward. His voice is a mix between surprise and sarcasm.

My head snaps up and Edward freezes, his breaths stuttering against my neck. He finally collects himself and turns, shame burning pink across his cheeks. "Jasper, I …"

"Don't." Jasper lifts a hand, his eyes narrowing as hurt filters into his tone. "We'll discuss it later." With a disappointed sigh, he wanders off down the hall and a door snaps closed seconds later.

The first few minutes after his departure are awkward for both of us. Edward seems suddenly unsure and I'm mortified, but I shove it aside and lose myself in baking. I can't imagine how I'd react if it were Alice, so I totally get Edward's sour mood. We've kept this huge secret from everyone, only to be caught red-handed, and by Edward's best friend, no less.

By the time I have the first batch of brownies in the oven and have moved onto mixing the chocolate chip cookie batter, Edward's mood has snapped back. He's definitely not hoisting me onto the bar for a hot and heavy make-out session, but he's also not avoiding me either.

It starts with sneaking a taste of the raw cookie dough and evolves into our usual affectionate banter and intimate touches. For the next two hours, Edward stays close as I bake a flurry of goodies for our friends. Once we're done, we work side by side to return the kitchen to its pristine condition before I stack the containers in my bag.

"I'm sorry we got caught," I say, shoving two Tupperware bowls toward Edward. "Maybe these will help smooth things over."

"No worries." He waves a nonchalant hand. "He'll be okay. We've been friends for a long time. He had to know something was going on." He rounds the bar then, his arms encircling my waist. "My guess is he invited you here because he already suspected it."

"Sneaking cookies, I see." I brush errant crumbs from the corner of his sexy mouth. "Maybe telling our friends wouldn't be so bad. Maybe just something like the sex is hot, and that's all it is right now."

"Is that all it is, Bella?" he breathes, his lips feathering against mine as he speaks.

"Not for me."

He kisses me then, hard and deep, the emotion behind it saying what his words don't. It's not for him either. There's a heap of passion, a modicum of lust and a tinge of uncertainty all swirling between us as we communicate on the most primal level. The level that's always said more than our words.

He sighs as he pulls away. "I liked seeing you make yourself at home here. Let's do it again sometime."

"Yeah?" I ask, still in a kiss-drunk haze.

"Yeah." His smile is happy and relaxed as he helps me into my coat and takes my hand to lead me to his car.

When we get together with our friends the next day, Emmett is over the moon as he shovels brownie after brownie into his mouth. Rosalie eventually has to take the container and hide it. Jasper acts like his usual laid-back self, not even a hint of the hurt from the night before. The disappointment, though, is Edward acts the same, aside from a few covert brushes against my thigh.

Like my good friend.

I don't hold it against him, as he's by my place that same evening while Alice is at work. I don't question him either. He's been open with me about his hesitance and until he's ready, who am I to push? Patience is a virtue, and I have that in spades. After all, look how far we've come. From fake to—now.

Whatever it is, it's real.

The following Thursday, just as I'm about to enter the John Carter Brown Library, Jasper's voice makes me pause. "Buzzy B!"

I turn, moving down the steps as soon as I spot him. "Jasper, hey! What are you doing here?"

He shoves his hands into his pockets as he stops before me. "I was hoping to catch you before your next class."

"Oh? Did you need something?"

"Yeah, I do." He rocks back on his heels, looking around for a minute. "You know how Edward and I are supposed to watch the Super Bowl together Sunday?" He doesn't stop, as it's a rhetorical question. Our whole group knows. "Something's come up for me, and I was hoping I could talk you into coming over instead."

I fiddle with the strap of my bookbag, slightly confused. "Shouldn't Edward be asking me that?"

"I know he'd love to have you there." He toes the concrete before hitting me with his apologetic baby blues. "Look, I know I was an ass last week, and I was hoping I could make it up to him, to the both of you. You could maybe make a few game snacks and show up a little early to surprise him?"

"I don't know, Jasper," I say hesitantly, shaking my head. "This is kinda your thing. I don't want to insert myself where I'm not actually wanted."

"You're wanted, trust me." He touches my arm, calming my fidgeting instantly. "I'll be back before half-time, and I promise to join you guys and act normal. Please, I need to show you I can be supportive."

"Okay." I nod, his assurances a balm to my frazzled worry. "If you're sure?"

"Positive." He beams then, a large, toothy smile transforming him from worried friend to gleeful coconspirator instantly. "How about five? That work for you?"

"Five is perfect."

By the time Sunday rolls around, I'm a nervous wreck. As usual, though, cooking calms me and even manages to allow some excitement to replace the nerves. With an oversized insulated cooler of Tupperware containers and a thrill of the unknown coursing through me, I begin the two-block walk that'll lead to either divineness or disaster.

As I arrive at the door, the TV is echoing loudly and my knock goes unanswered. I strain my ears, trying to make out any movement from the walls beyond the door. A masculine murmur blends into the background noise of screaming fans and sports stats.

I knock one more time and still no answer.

I war with myself, half on the verge of returning home dejected and half on the verge of barging in and demanding he acknowledges my presence with pleasant surprise. I turn to leave, but a shock of make-or-break confidence rushes through me, stopping me in my tracks.

I watch as my hand slowly reaches for the knob, and even squeeze my eyes shut when it grasps it tightly, only to snap them open in surprise when it gives. A shuddering breath escapes and I steel myself, pushing open the door and stepping inside.

I'm wholly unprepared for what I find.

Edward is pressed against the other side of the bar, only his profile visible. He's shirtless and tense as Jasper's palm is splayed across his chest. "What do you want from me?" Edward asks, frustration tingeing his tone.

Jasper's stance softens, his hand traveling to Edward's shoulder in a tender caress. "I just want you to love me."

"I do," Edward replies as if he's in pain, and the words rob me of breath.

Jasper's eyes flick to me, and they may even narrow in defiance. "Then show me!" he demands, stepping closer to incite the dare.

My throat closes in on itself, my entire being solidifying into an immobile statue as Edward answers his plea. With quick, strong movements, he fists Jasper's shirt and rips it open, buttons scattering across the marble floor. Hungry lips collide and hands race across heated bare skin. In a flash, Edward is perched on the bar top, much like I was just last week, as Jasper's fingers claw at his buckle. Lips never stop tasting skin and low, impatient growls echo across the room.

Emotion pulsates in the air, making it thick and oppressive. The intimacy between them burns as bright as the sun. Love. Lust. Anger. It's all projected in that one short instance. For the first time, Edward's cryptic comments make sense, everything becomes crystal clear.

They are the couple, and I am the game.

A strangled cry escapes as I drop the cooler of snacks and run. Somewhere in my mind I can hear Edward calling my name, but it only pushes my legs harder, forces my feet to run faster. Away from him, away from it all.

* * *

 **If you want to be nasty—don't.**

 **This story is not slash, it's not BxExJ. It is exactly as I marked it. ExB Angst/Romance.**

 **I'll post the final OneShot chapter later this afternoon, and we'll talk then :)**


	4. The Safe Bet

**Thanks to Fran who always works her ass off at contest time to make sure countless entries are beta'd on time! As usual, 2browneyes and Sunshine were kind enough to pre-read!**

* * *

Everything changes that day.

Friendships splinter like old, worn wood and my carefree college existence fades into withdrawal and avoidance. The people who once made my days brighter are now the ones I no longer wish to see.

It hurts too much.

For the first two weeks, Edward sends a daily text with three simple words.

 _Let me explain._

And every day, I delete it.

The news has rippled through our circle, causing waves of confusion and mistrust. Emmett's hurt over being kept in the dark, not understanding why his two best friends couldn't be open with him, and the girls are angry on my behalf. I just want to pretend none of them exist.

And it works—for a little while.

After three weeks of avoidance, the ache of embarrassment starts to lessen and I feel guilty for shutting out people whose only sin is being great friends. To everyone. Me. _Them._ I flinch as the image of Jasper and Edward flashes through my mind. The hurt comes hurtling back like it was just yesterday, and I crawl back into my shell.

Though I live with Alice, and she was there for me that night in a way I'd never hoped to need her, she understands my need for space and doesn't push me to engage. The following week, I work up the courage to text Rosalie, making sure she knows my withdrawal has nothing to do with her, and even meet her alone for lunch once.

It isn't until Spring Break, when the campus is a ghost town that the inevitable comes calling. After a lengthy trip to the library, I come home to a person sitting by my door. Edward. His knees are drawn to his chest, and his head is buried in the crook of his arm. He doesn't lift his eyes until I clear my throat.

As he jumps to his feet, I notice they're hollowed out, much like the rest of him. "Bella," he says, relief coloring his tone. "Can we talk?"

I simply shrug and move past him, unlocking the door and motioning him inside. "Have a seat. You're familiar with the place," I offer, waving nonchalantly to the sofa while inside I'm steeling myself for the conversation to come.

He sits, his elbows propped on his thighs, his face in his hands. I follow and take the chair, hugging my knees tightly to my chest. An uncomfortable silence stretches between us as the proverbial band becomes tighter and tighter. If we stay this way much longer, something is going to snap.

He finally lifts his head. "I'm so fucking sorry, Bella," he rasps, and his eyes speak of his pain, but it's nothing compared to mine.

I'm dead inside.

I snort. "For what?" There are so many things. Does he even realize?

He winces at my tone. "I deserved that."

"Let's get one thing straight right now," I say, jabbing my finger at him. "You don't even deserve to be talking to me."

"Okay, Bella, fuck!" He holds up his hands. "If you'd just give me a chance I can explain."

"Then answer my question," I say, enunciating each word.

His eyes fall to the carpet beneath his feet. "Mostly, I'm sorry about hurting you. It was never supposed to go that far, but I couldn't stop. You're this …" He shakes his head. "I still don't understand what happened. We had a deal. You and me. We were both good with it, and it spiraled out of control."

"Don't you dare put this on me," I say, pointing a finger he can't even see. "Our deal ended on New Year's morning!"

"But don't you see? It was before that," he says, lifting his tortured eyes to my angry ones. "From the moment you stepped foot in Chicago, all bets were off. I couldn't stop thinking about you, touching you, kissing you. You were driving me insane!"

Even now, my heart speeds at his confession. It's everything I ever wanted. _Before_. Now they're just empty words. They mean nothing, and yet my physical response can't be controlled. But with every exaggerated beat, the fissures in my heart stretch and pulse with agony.

Tears sting my eyes, but I blink furiously, refusing them an outlet. "Perhaps we should start at the beginning," I say, my tone flat. "I know what happened between us, but it seems there's this whole other"—I pause, my tongue suddenly too thick—"part of you I was unaware of. Explain it to me, Edward. Make me understand!"

"I've never said the words to someone else before." He swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I'm gay, Bella. I always have been. Jasper is my boyfriend, and we've been together for years."

Even though it was obvious their connection is deep, I'm wholly unprepared for the truth. My mouth opens, but the words die in my throat. How does one respond to that? What do you say when the man you've fallen in love with tells you he's gay and always has been?

Nothing. There is nothing more to say. "Then why are you here?"

"Exactly!" he exclaims, standing abruptly. "Why _am_ I here?" His sudden burst of energy is unexpected as he begins to pace the floor, seemingly at war with himself. "I carried on an illicit affair with my _fake_ girlfriend behind my boyfriend's back for weeks." He pauses his frantic pacing and turns to me. "But you want to know the worst part? The worst part is that for the past month, all I can think about is you! I won't let him touch me. We barely even talk. I'm so fucking angry at him for hurting you like that."

"So he did it on purpose." The words slip out unbidden as my mind works to paint the entire image. "What did he know and when?"

Edward's fire dies as quickly as it was ignited. He crumples in on himself as he drops back onto the sofa with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, Bella," he says again, refusing to meet my eyes.

"No!" I lean forward and slap my hand against the coffee table to get his attention. "You don't get to do this! You came here! You're going to give me my answers!" His eyes go from shock to shame to something all too familiar as he gazes at me. I cross my arms and narrow mine in return. "You have a lot of nerve," I spit, disgusted with his inability to, even now, maintain a modicum of decency. "You waltz in here and announce that you're gay, yet here you sit looking at me like"—I wave my hand in his general direction—" _that_."

"I can't fucking help it!" he says, throwing his hands in the air. "Your passion, your anger, it just _does something_ to me. I can't look away. Right now, I want to touch your blazing red skin to see if it will burn me."

Even though they shouldn't, his words affect me. They sink inside, sending an electric charge to the very fissures he created. I take a deep breath in an attempt to gain control over the chaotic surge of emotions warring within me. Hope, anger, pain and regret all battle to be the frontrunner, yet stark reality takes center stage.

"Edward," I say carefully, leaning toward him in hopes of softening the blow. Somehow, I'm suddenly sad for him, sad for myself for being caught up in his confusion, as it's obvious he doesn't even realize. "I'm sorry for being so blunt, but you're definitely _not_ gay." I shrug apologetically. "At the very least, you're bi."

All my anger dissolves as I stare at his pretty, demonstrative face. His expression begins with contemplation, which fades into disbelief and then quickly flips to denial, but his constant thoughts continue to play out on his face like a movie reel. He finally settles on the correct emotion; the one that describes him perfectly.

Confused.

His mouth opens. "I … I—"

I cut him off with a sharp shake of my head. "There's nothing you can say to change anything that's happened. It hurts, I'm not going to lie, but at least I have a better understanding now."

"I'm glad somebody does," he says sarcastically, standing to walk off the nervous energy. His hands claw through his hair as he does several circuits behind the sofa before his feet freeze, and his eyes snap to me. "It's only you." Holding my gaze, he moves to prop against the arm of the couch. "I've only ever wanted to sleep with you, and I couldn't make myself stop."

My breath catches at the honesty in his words, but I push it away, refusing to acknowledge the power he still holds. "So you're generally attracted to men?"

His mouth opens, but he pauses as his face scrunches up in thought. "Jasper," he finally says, crossing his arms defensively. "I'm attracted to Jasper." He snorts. "Or I _was_."

My understanding of living a gay or bisexual life is limited, so I'm neither inclined nor prepared to make an assessment that most likely has no basis to his situation. This is something he's going to have to figure out on his own, but I'd venture to guess it's more about the _who_ than the gender.

"Will you explain it to me?" I ask quietly. "Your history with Jasper and how this whole _fake girlfriend_ idea came about?"

He looks away, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have."

"I need to hear it," I say a little more insistently.

With a heavy breath, he drops into the corner of the sofa and looks straight ahead as he begins his tale. "Jasper and I met in kindergarten and hit it off from day one. We were joined at the hip from then on." His eyes fall to his lap. "When we hit the teen years, things started changing. I don't know how either of us ever worked up the nerve to make the first move, but it happened." He lifts his head, his eyes almost daring me to react. "We started fooling around when we were fourteen, and by the time we were seventeen, we'd already had sex."

I take a breath and blow it out, keeping my voice low and even. "And you kept it a secret?" I offer, hoping he'll elaborate.

"Yeah." He shrugs, his cheeks pinkening. "We're both manly guys, and we always worried it'd change how people viewed us. When we came to Brown, we discussed being open, but in the end we decided to keep what was ours private."

"I've seen you with girls, Edward," I remind him, pushing for answers I need as much as he needs to share the words.

"That was our thing, ya know?" His brows furrow, wanting me to let him off the hook, but I won't. I need this. He sighs. "To keep up appearances, we'd both date. Once, twice, a handful of times, usually until she started pushing for more." His face hardens into concrete certainty. "Never once was I even attracted, much less tempted to sleep with any of them."

"Until me," I utter, the words almost choking me.

"Until you." He nods once. "Everything I said when I asked you was true. My mom was constantly hounding me, and when I pressed Jasper about coming out to our families, this was his solution."

The shock of hearing Jasper's part, even from the beginning, snatches a gasp from deep inside me. "He knew everything all along," I say, my anger simmering below the surface. "But why me? Why did you choose me?"

Edward looks down, picking at his fingernails. "He, um … Jasper chose you."

"So I was just a fucking game, then?" I jump up, needing to move away from him before I do bodily harm. "From the very beginning, I was lied to. A means to an end for you. A nice little target for you and your _boyfriend._ "

He stands and moves in front of me, his hands up. "Stop it, Bella! I didn't lie to you. I just fucked up and let things happen that weren't part of our agreement."

"Why!" I scream, palming my chest, tears of anger burning my eyes. "Why would you do this to me?"

"You were the safe bet," he says quietly as he slips his hands into his pockets, his eyes falling to the floor. "The opposite sex. Someone we liked. A good friend I didn't want to lose." His head lifts, the dark circles beneath his eyes more prominent under the bright light shining from the kitchen. "I essentially ate the forbidden fruit."

The tears spill over my cheeks, and I angrily wipe them away. "You could've just told me the truth. I would've still said yes, and it would've saved me a whole hell of a lot of heartache."

He steps closer, his manly scent and heated skin only inches away. "I'm not sure it would've made much difference." He grips my hand and brushes his thumb over my wrist. "I knew about Jasper. Hell, I _love_ him and I still couldn't stop myself. I miss you so fucking much, Bella."

As much as it hurts me to do it, I take a step back, separating us. "I need the rest," I say, retaking my seat in the chair. "How long did Jasper know about us before he planned his little scene?"

Edward perches on the edge of the coffee table, staying close. "If I'm being truthful, I'd say he felt something was off after Thanksgiving. Even though nothing happened between you and me, I already felt it. That's why he goaded me into going out with Jessica. He left Chicago for New Year's because he didn't want to watch you playing the part which technically belonged to him." He pauses and shakes his head, his jaw tightening. "We had sex before he left, but it was all wrong. Angry."

"So you slept with me to get back at him," I offer, feeling reasonably certain with that scenario. "Makes sense."

"Not at all," Edward barks, causing me to jump. "I had sex with you because I couldn't fucking resist. I've never wanted to have sex so much in my life, and it's never felt so satisfying." He leans closer to drive his point home. "Before that day you saw us, I hadn't slept with Jasper since before New Year's."

His confessions are both painful and encouraging. Maybe he did have some sense of self as he tried to navigate such a convoluted situation. "What made that day different?"

"I was a mess," he says, rubbing his face harshly. "Jasper and I were constantly snapping at each other, and I knew I had to end things with you, yet I didn't want to. After he caught us the week before, I acted like it was nothing, like I had some kind of right to make out with you since he's the one who wanted the whole fake thing in the first place. It was stupid and selfish, and I was hurting him. It all blew up that day, and he pushed me until I cracked."

"I'm sorry for just barging in," I say, tugging at a loose thread on my T-shirt. "You were lying to me, but I knew you had some kind of hidden issue. We weren't a couple, and I should've never let myself into your apartment. It may be mostly your fault, but I'll admit my part."

"Never apologize to me again, Bella." He reaches over and takes my hand. "This has been a life-altering mess, and I take full responsibility for it. In hindsight, I'll probably learn a lot from this whole mess, but that lesson will never be worth the price of hurting you. I'm so fucking sorry."

I take a deep breath, and with it I release as much of the pain and anger as I can. "Thank you for coming to talk with me, Edward. It actually helped." I bring his hand up and press it against my cheek, allowing the nostalgia to flow over me, before releasing it and dropping my hand to my lap. "I think you should go be just as frank with your boyfriend."

His hand hangs in the air for a moment longer, as if he's unsure which path to take. He finally drops it with a resigned sigh. "My heart brought me here, Bella, but if you think that's what's best …" He trails off, and I don't change my mind.

"I know it is," I offer instead.

He stands and I do the same, following him to the door. I'm far from healed after this encounter, but I'm better for it. My questions have been asked, and I'm accepting of the answers given. Only time can repair the gaping wound inside my chest.

I open the door, and he pauses in front of me. "Can we still be friends?" His eyes are pleading and mine fall closed, refusing him the power to sway me.

When I reopen, his hopeful expression drops instantly. "You know we can't. At least not now." I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile. "Maybe one day."

With a heavy exhale, he slowly leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead for a good ten seconds before pulling away. "Bye, Bella."

I learn some very valuable truths from his visit. I fell for a man I didn't even know. A man who doesn't know himself. With the space he used to fill still aching, I begin forming a plan to remove myself from this equation.

Monday morning, I fill out the paperwork that will transfer me to U-Dub come fall, and Tuesday, I notify Alice of my intent to leave as soon as the semester ends. The remainder of my year is spent with my head down and my heart tattered. I do spend time with the girls, and even send Emmett a bowl of brownies here and there, but it's not the same.

As soon as my final class is dismissed, I'm on a plane.

The summer is long and lazy. Days are spent with old friends and rediscovering some of my favorite haunts. First Beach is always a good time, and my friends from the reservation are never too far away. Evenings are spent cooking with Mrs. Cope and catching up with my father.

He never digs into what brought me back, choosing instead to not look a gift horse in the mouth. He spends his off days tinkering with my truck, wanting to ensure its dependability for the trip to Seattle that's looming in the not-so-distant future.

On an unusually sunny day in Forks, just after noon, a father hugs his daughter close and wishes her a safe trip. He's a man of few words, but his quiet presence says everything I ever needed to know. He's happy I'm close. He loves me dearly.

My first day at U-Dub dawns gray and dreary. A cool, foggy mist envelops the campus, obscuring its beauty and matching my mood to perfection. I go through my morning classes, my head in the clouds and my heart in Providence.

During my afternoon break, I finally find my way to the dining hall, a place I skipped during my tour last week. The buzz of voices is too loud and bodies are everywhere, none of them the ones my heart yearns for. Selecting a sandwich and a water, I scan the crowd for a quiet space. In the far corner, a small, round table sits empty and beckoning.

With a sigh, I cut through the crowd, keeping my eyes focused on putting one foot in front of the other. I sit with my back to the room, picking at my sandwich and mourning times gone by.

"Excuse me." A hand shoves into my line of vision, and every cell within me stops moving. "I don't believe I've had the chance to introduce myself. I'm Edward Cullen."

My eyes trail up the long, slim fingers all the way until I'm staring into light, hopeful green eyes. I set my sandwich on a napkin and draw my arms around myself. "What are you doing here?"

His shoulders slump as he drops into the seat beside me, his eyes focused on his clasped hands. "I know who I am now. What I want." The earnestness in his gaze as it lifts to mine causes my heart to slam against my ribcage. "I love Jasper, but I'm not _in_ love with him. I know _who_ I want, even if it means starting from scratch."

Waves of sincere honesty flow over me, so I allow my heart to lead by shoving my hand forward. "Nice to meet you. I'm Bella Swan."

* * *

" **As long as I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."**

 **If you read me regularly, you know I don't like predictability. So this oneshot idea came about among the mutterings of two contests going on in the fandom. What could I write that would be shocking yet wrapped in a good, believable story that you wouldn't see coming? Unpredictable. Now, I only hoped I could bring it to life the way I envisioned. It worked, and I was super thrilled. Not once did anyone on my team question the pairing or ever suggest that I mark it as slash. We're all ExB girls and saw it for what it was. A well-told ExB oneshot, albeit painful at times. On the final read through, I got nervous. Not over the pairing or slash crap, but I was worried that I might've had Bella say or do something that the gay community might find offensive. To reassure myself there, I reached out to the lovely LyricalKris. She was so kind and patient to explain a few things that set my mind at ease. She explained to me that as a heterosexual woman all Bella knows are her truths, and luckily I had chosen her POV, so her thoughts and words are just a reflection of her perception and it could be skewed.**

 **Fast forward to my story posting, and it didn't take long to realize it wasn't the gay community I had offended. Of course the positive response was overwhelming, I did win 1** **st** **Place Public vote, but those few reprimanding ones bothered me more than usual. I will chew you up and spit you out if you come to my story being hateful, but this upsets me on a different level. A human level. People were offended because their eyes had to pass over that 200 word scene of male on male action. Had I named Jasper Tanya, people may have complained, but not for the same reasons. I don't read slash either. There's a difference in not preferring your main couple to be M/M or F/F or any other combo aside from heterosexual and allowing just the mention of it to ruin something you're reading. It's 2018. We're all equal, and it's time we accept that and move on from thinking one way is the only way. The world will be a much better place for it *insert giant heart icon***

 **All right, guys, if you're still reading this, I'll do my best to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. It'll probably fall the same week as Operation, but I'm going to start spreading them so I can hopefully update one each week! Thank you for still being here :)**


	5. Avoidance

**This chapter is in response to all the lovely reviews I received last chapter. They mean so very much! Sunshine and 2browneyes pre-read, and it is unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

Edward showing up at U-Dub is unexpected and exciting at the same time. My heart is happy to see him while my mind is still leery. I'm nowhere near ready to return to what we once were, but I can also admit this is a step in the right direction. Him following me is an action that speaks as loud as his words.

The first week he joins me at lunch every day and doesn't push. We're newly reacquainted friends in college. We avoid the past like it's a bomb, even though I know we'll have to get there eventually. I have no problem taking it slow. I'm enjoying my time with the new guy who sits across from me each day.

"There's a party at the Sigma house this weekend. You thinking about going?" Edward asks as he shoves a handful of chips into his mouth.

"Sounds lovely," I respond sarcastically and wrinkle my nose. "Nah, it's not really my thing, besides I promised Angela I'd help her cook for her new boyfriend," I say, referring to my new roommate.

"Oh?" He lifts a brow. "You're going to be the third wheel?"

"No," I say with a headshake. "I'm going to spend the evening in the Odegaard, working on a project."

"Alone?" he asks.

I'm hesitant to follow this line of questioning. I am going to be alone at the library, but this isn't territory I'm ready to explore, a door I'm ready to open. "No, one of my friends from class will be joining me." As soon as the lie is out it feels sour on my tongue. "Wait, that's not true. I _am_ going to be alone, but … I prefer to keep it that way."

His expression changes rapidly from slightly hopeful to deep regret, but I don't allow it to sway me. If we're going to do this, it has to be on my terms. He's hurt me once already and I'm not prepared to allow him a second chance.

He nods, looking off around the cafeteria before bringing his apologetic eyes back to mine. "I hate it has to be this way, but I understand. Just seeing you, spending these few minutes with you, is enough for now."

My heart hammers, urging me to comfort him, to wipe that disappointed look from his pretty face, but I won't. I'm not ready to move beyond this stage of newness we're currently sharing. "I like these minutes, too, but for now, they're all I'm ready for." I chew on my lower lip as I consider the void we've been ignoring. "You know it can't stay this way forever, right? To move forward we'll have to look back at some point. I don't think I'm ready yet, but I'll let you know whenever that is."

His soft fingers reach over and ghost across my arm. "Are you opposed to me reminding you that this is what I want? That it's the reason I'm here?"

"So you're ready to look back? Right now?" I ask, slightly intrigued by this new him, the forward and open one.

He lifts his hands and spreads them open. "I'm an open book, Bella."

A surge of anger rushes through me. "If only you could've been before," I snap, unable to hold my tongue but immediately hating the way my voice sounds. I sigh and look down at the table. "I didn't mean to sound so bitter, but you speaking of being open is still a sore spot for me." I lift my eyes. "We'll get there, Edward, but not today."

His head bobs a couple times, his face tight. "I'll wait."

I stand and slide my backpack strap onto my shoulder. "Thank you. Same time tomorrow?"

That boyish grin appears, and it does crazy things to my insides. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

I turn and walk away, knowing his eyes are on me. There's nothing like this feeling. All the signs of blooming emotion are there. Thundering heart, butterflies, jitters and happiness at his simple presence, but at the same time, I have to fight back old feelings of bitterness and resentment. I don't know when it'll stop, how to make it stop, but until it does, things can't progress.

He doesn't disturb me at the library, and our lunches continue the same as the first week. We eat, chat about our classes and slowly share more about our existence in Seattle. He knows where my apartment is, though it's clear no invitation has been extended. I learn he has a loft near campus with no roommate. He speaks of new friends and I do the same. We're slowly opening up, while still avoiding everything prior to U-Dub. It's the third week in October before something slips into the conversation so unintentionally that both of us are stunned.

"You decided which party you're going to hit up for Halloween?" Edward asks, his thumb tapping a steady rhythm against the table.

"Not sure yet, I've heard about a few that should be cool," I reply, the Wonder Woman costume in my closet slipping through my mind. "I already have my costume, though."

"Yeah?" Edward asks, smiling like a loon. "Let me guess. Nancy Drew?"

"I'll never tell," I sing-song.

Tap, tap, tap his thumb goes as he studies me intently. "Mary Poppins? Scarlett O'Hara? Pippi Longstocking? Come on at least give me a clue."

I smirk at his cute self as he tries to guess my costume. It is true I love books, and I have been known to dress as literary characters, but this year is all about change. It's about stepping away from who I was and learning who I am now. And I liked the way the Wonder Woman costume fit. I felt strong and powerful when I tried it on.

"Nope, not happening," I say, crossing my arms and shaking my head. "This year's costume is a surprise."

"Come on, Bella," he whines, his taps growing more restless. "Remember what happened last year? Your costume matched Jasper's and people thought you were a coup—"

He freezes, and my smirk slips into a frown. The table falls completely silent as Edward's eyes are wide, and I'm suddenly feeling nauseous. Not specifically because of the memory, at the time it was funny, but because of what it means to me now. Something I should be able to look back on with fondness is tainted. The lies ruin it all.

"Fuck, Bella, I'm sorry," Edward finally says, his eyes pleading with me to give him a pass, and I wish I could. "I didn't mean …"

"I know you didn't mean to, Edward, but that's the problem," I say forcefully, my heart joining my mind in its anger. "Our whole past relationship, which was a great friendship before it was anything else, is tainted because of your lies. I can't even look back on something as simple as my Halloween costume without feeling anger and hurt." His face falls even further, causing my anger to wane. "I don't know how to move past this, yet I like that you came here. It _does_ mean something to me."

"You're right," he agrees, moving into the chair beside me so I have no choice but to stare into his bright, hopeful eyes. "Which is why we need to hash it out. I know you said you weren't ready and I want to respect that, but I also want to us to be comfortable. I'm good with only being friends, but even that has been confined to life in Seattle. I have answers, all you have to do is ask the questions."

The conversation terrifies me, but he's right. I can't be open to his presence and closed to everything else, the things that will either grant him forgiveness or cement him permanently in the friend zone.

I release the pent-up tension from this conversation and accept his offer with one word. "Okay."

Instead of a bright smile, like I expect, Edward looks relieved. His breath leaves him a whoosh that blows across my face. "Thank you, Bella."

"Don't thank me yet, it's liable to make things worse," I reply, turning away from his sharp expression.

But he's not having it. For the first time since our initial handshake, he touches me, bringing his fingers to my chin and tilting my face toward him. "I don't want to make things worse, but I also don't want this cloud hanging over us any longer. I _chose_ you, Bella, and it wasn't easy. But I also know what I've put you through is almost unforgivable, so I need you to know it all. I want you to give me another chance. A fresh start, because that's what I'm here for. I want to be with you and only you."

His words, as they always have, cause my heart to thump and stretch inside my chest, but they also echo through my mind which responds with a mix of sarcasm and sensibility. _Is he even capable of that? He's lied before. How can I believe a word from his pretty mouth?_

I push the not-so-kind thoughts away. While worth considering, they can't be what guides our future. "I want to believe that, and I hope you can help me."

"I'll do everything I can," he promises, and that's what it is. In this very moment he means every word he's uttering, yet I can't help but wonder how long it can last. How long will he sit idly by while I continue to come to terms with his betrayal?

"That's all I can ask." I shrug, standing and grabbing my bookbag. "Maybe tomorrow we can figure out the when and where."

"Sounds good." He grabs his two books from the table and rushes to my side. "Can I walk you to class?"

While this is a new step for us, I don't see a viable reason to deny his request. Friends walk each other to class all the time. "Sure," I respond, turning to leave the cafeteria, and he falls easily into step beside me.

The following day, even though I had agreed the day before, I don't bring up the promised talk, and he lets it slide. For the rest of the week he doesn't mention it, but come Monday, he's had enough.

From the moment he sits down, it's clear by his agitated expression and stiff posture. We eat silently, me filled with dread over setting a date and him upset over my obvious willingness to back out. Even knowing this, I make no move to change the circumstances. I'm terrified his answers will only bring the old pain charging to the surface and inevitably push us further apart.

I want everything he does, but I also need the resentment to fade.

It hasn't yet.

"Bella," he finally says, his voice gruff. "I know you're avoiding this, but please, we need to talk."

I swallow, the pain in his voice tugging at my heart. "I know, but I'm afraid."

His eyes soften, going from bitter hurt to calm understanding. "I get that, but I'd like to think we faced the worst of it head on back in Providence." I flinch at the mention. "You must have a million questions for me, I know I would if the situation were reversed."

"I do," I concede with a tilt of my head. "But what if I don't like your answers? What if I say the wrong words? Angry or resentful ones? Won't that only add to the hurt that's already between us?"

He props his arms on the table and leans in, his eyes burning with sincerity. "Bella, I'm lucky you're talking to me at all, I know this, so if a few hateful words are the worst I can expect, then it's what I fucking deserve. I treated everyone I cared about like shit, and it's going to take work to come back from that. I just want to know it's possible, and it isn't until we've talked through everything."

Again, he's right, and I know this. "This weekend," I blurt, both afraid to face this and eager to have it done at the same time. "Either day is fine with me."

His breathtaking smile spreads wide upon his face. "Sunday works for me. My place?"

I open my mouth and close it just as swiftly. I've been so worried about the actual conversation that I never considered where it might take place. Certainly not here; we need privacy, but am I ready to be so alone with him?

I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin as I meet his eyes. "Your place sounds perfect. I'll bring lunch. Say one o'clock?"

He nods once. "I can do one."

My smile is timid, but it does appear. "I hope this helps, Edward, I really do."

He shrugs one shoulder as he stands, walking over and stopping beside me. "I think it will, but you may need time after and I'm okay with that. Whatever it takes."

He struts away, and this time, I'm the one left watching his retreating form.

Nerves flutter through me as I remain at the table long enough to get my jittering under control. Edward disorients me in the best and worst ways. When I'm with him I want to only move forward. I want to rebuild what we used to have, but as the effects of his presence fade I chastise myself for the foolish woman I am. Before it was his confusion that brought about those terrible consequences, and now it's mine that's holding us back.

The rest of the week is back to normal. We avoid any talk of the past or our Sunday plans, preferring to stick to the same script that has brought us this far. I know it's not real, but this is what I need right now. I collect each and every second and store it away so if it all goes bad, at least I'll have these calming, post-betrayal memories to look back on fondly.

Angela is quite curious Sunday morning as I prepare chicken paninis and try to convince her I'm not going on a date. It doesn't go very well, as this situation, _Edward_ , is something she and I have never discussed. How do you explain what we went through to someone you've only known a month?

That's what I'm missing the most from Providence. At the time, I wasn't ready to discuss the ins and outs of what had happened, but now I think I could benefit from some real talk with girls who knew us both. I feel like such a shitty friend for running from Edward and leaving Alice and Rosalie behind, so I've been too worried about their reactions to call either of them and tell them he's here.

But as I prepare for this talk, I wonder if I can. I've spoken with them both since I left. Just light, easy catch-up conversations where we avoided any talk of the goings on before I left. Is it fair of me to reach out to them now?

As I finish packing a bag with food my mind jumps to the last time I did this and images of two people I thought I knew flash through my mind. I shake my head to clear it and go in search of my cell. Two rings later, Rosalie is answering my call. "Bella," she says, and she sounds excited. "Is that really you?"

"Rosalie," I say, my smile widening. "Of course it's me."

"I was beginning to worry you'd forgotten about us," she replies, and I can hear Emmett in the background asking if it's really Buzzy B. My heart aches a little, and I promise myself right then that I'm going to send them a care package. "It's really good to hear your voice."

"I feel the same," I say, plopping onto the sofa. "So how have things been? Anything new and exciting happening in Providence?"

She takes a deep breath ready to erupt with information, but she pauses before any words are said. My heart gives another strong thump. "It's okay, Rosalie," I say softly. "You can mention them."

"Can I? Are you really okay now?" she asks, her voice cautious but hopeful at the same time.

"I'm better," I reply, sandwiching the phone between my cheek and shoulder so I can wring my hands. "But that's sort of why I called."

"Oh?" she says, curious.

I pick at my faded blue nail polish. "Edward is here."

The line is silent, and I'm afraid she can see right through me. I'm a terrible friend who left everyone behind because I couldn't handle the truth, and now that I need advice, I've come running back to her. Shames moves through me.

"Edward is at U-Dub," she repeats, and she doesn't sound angry, more like contemplative. "Wow. That's … unexpected. I though he transferred to Northwestern with Jasper."

"I have no idea how he ended up here," I say, feeling more confident since it's obvious she's not upset. "We, um, we haven't discussed the past yet. As a matter of fact, we're supposed to do that today."

"It's October, Bella," Rosalie says in a duh-like way. "You're telling me he's been there a month and you haven't discussed anything since Providence?"

"Pretty much." I grab the phone and stand, holding it to my ear. "When he showed up I was stunned, but I was also happy to see him, so …"

"So," she prods.

"We've just kept it to current events." I shrug to myself.

"I don't know what to say." She pauses and I can hear her muttering in the background. "Sorry, Emmett's nosier than Alice." She laughs, and I can imagine his pout. "Speaking of, I don't think she'll be very surprised."

"Why's that?" I ask with a mixture of curiosity and confusion.

Rosalie hums. "I'm not positive or anything, but she insinuated a time or two that Edward was in love with you."

I bark an incredulous laugh. "Yeah, he had a funny way of showing it."

"Maybe," Rosalie says, pausing for a second. "Maybe not. I mean, it was a bad situation, and something you should've never had to go through, but I felt for the guy. He obviously wasn't stringing you both along for no reason."

I stop pacing and prop on the arm of the sofa with a sigh. "I'd like to think that's true, but how can I be sure? How am I supposed to think that _I_ can keep him happy?"

She tsks. "That's a tough one, Bella, and I don't envy you, but the fact that he's there has to mean something, right? To me, it's a pretty big deal."

"It means a lot to me," I say, and it does. Him showing up here was nowhere on my radar and it blew me away. How can I not give him a chance? And if I'm being honest, so far I haven't. Maybe that's what today should be about. A chance. "I guess I'm just afraid to reopen the old wound."

"Maybe he can heal it this time," she suggests softly.

"Do you think that's possible?"

"You won't know until you try," she responds, her voice soft and encouraging. "Sometimes we have to put the past back where it belongs."

I chew on her words, mulling them over. "Thank you for not being angry that I called you out of the blue for a pep talk over the same crap that sent me running."

"Hey, none of that," she chides. "We're friends. You can call me anytime, especially to let me know how it goes."

I smile, my relief evident. "I will, but I might need time."

"Take all the time you need. I'm here for you."

* * *

 **If you have questions, just ask.**

 **I'll see you when I can :)**


	6. Man Up

**Sunshine and 2browneyes are my pre-readers. Thanks so much, ladies! All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

As I exit the elevator onto the top floor of a converted warehouse space two blocks from the U-Dub campus, my body rebels against me. Memories from the last time I approached Edward's door threaten to overwhelm me. They send my heart racing and make my palms sweat, but I continue putting one foot in front of the other.

Coming to stop at the door marked with the number four, I pause and take a deep breath. Nervous energy stirs in my stomach, yet before I can allow myself to think on it too much, I lift my hand and knock twice.

It's only seconds before footfalls sound on the other side, but it feels like long, drawn-out minutes inside my head. My mind is quick to do battle with my heart, questioning why it would lead me down this path, to this door at all. But just the smile Edward gives when his eyes connect with mine wipes it all away.

It's hesitant but hopeful, delighted yet guarded. "Bella," he says, opening the door wider and motioning me inside. "You can't imagine how relieved I am that you showed."

I lift a brow as I pass him. "You thought I'd skip out?"

He shuts the door and slips his hands into the back pockets of his jeans, a half-shrug his only offering. "I wouldn't have blamed you if you had."

I sigh because I can't deny that I wanted to, but he has to give me more credit than that, and he needs to quit being so hard on himself. Yeah, he made mistakes. Huge ones. But I've allowed him back into my life, so it's time we face what's holding us back. Make or break. We can't stay stagnant forever.

"But you should," I say finally, lowering the strap of my backpack and moving to the small, square dining table situated between the bar and living area. "I agreed to come here, and if I'd skipped out, you would've had every right to be upset. I can't expect you to tiptoe around me forever."

A boyish grin curves his lips as he takes a couple of hesitant steps in my direction. "That's one of the things I admire most about you," he says, shaking his head as his eyes slip to the floor. "You have this ability to see both sides of any given situation and come to a more-than-reasonable conclusion." His head lifts so I can see his pretty eyes again. "It's rather amazing and almost too kind in my case."

I sit the backpack on the table and lean my hip against the corner, crossing my arms. "Is it?" I ask, my voice sharper than before. "Because I was under the impression that you followed me to U-Dub for a reason. No matter how afraid I've been to hash this out, I still recognize that action. It speaks loudly, so stop beating yourself up for a minute and come sit."

"Yes, ma'am." He salutes me and moves to pull out a chair. "Can I help with anything?"

"You can grab a couple plates and some napkins," I suggest as I start unpacking the differing containers I've brought along. "Maybe a couple of waters wouldn't hurt."

"Not a problem," he replies, moving toward the kitchen.

We work quietly as we set the scene for the big talk. It doesn't escape my notice that he sets our plates at adjacent seats, and I don't allow it to bother me. It's just another of those actions that show how much he really does want to be closer to me. In more ways than one.

As I move the backpack to sit at the base of the bar, Edward returns to the table with a couple of beers. "Is this okay?" he asks, holding them so I can see.

I hesitate but only for a moment. "Sure."

The next few minutes are spent in silence as we each settle into our spots, and I start opening the containers. Aside from paninis, I've brought along some carrots and celery, ranch dip, pasta salad and one other container I keep closed for now.

"Nice." Edward smirks, his eyes showing appreciation at he looks over the spread. "You didn't have to do all this, ya know? I could've ordered us something." His voice is soft and buttery, reverent.

"I like to cook, you know that," I reply, brushing past the emotion he so easily puts on display. "Besides, I needed a way to work off some of the nervous energy."

Edward gently reaches across the table and grasps my jittery hands. "You have nothing to be nervous over, Bella."

I enjoy his touch and allow it for a moment longer before getting back to the task of unwrapping our sandwiches. "What if I can't forgive you?" I ask, placing one on his plate. "What if all of this is for nothing? As strange as it sounds, I'm nervous about losing you all over again."

"I'm _not_ going anywhere," he says firmly. "Just because you can't right now doesn't mean you won't ever. I'm a patient man, and you're worth the wait."

I drop my sandwich to my plate and narrow my eyes. "How can you say that? How can you sit here, so sure, and tell me you're willing to wait me out when all you had to do before was be truthful?" My voice is stern, a warning. Words like that are hard to believe after what he's already put me through.

He swallows, my eyes falling to the flex of his neck muscles. "I deserved that," he starts, shame filling his eyes. "Maybe we should start at the beginning. Ask me anything, Bella."

I look away, the sincerity of his words disarming me completely. "Why don't we eat first."

"We can do that." He smiles and starts loading his plate. After he's done, he twists the tops from the beers and passes one to me. "A toast."

I take it and tip it against his. "To?"

"Hashing it out," he says, his eyes sparkling.

I agree with a slight tilt of my head, unsure of the proper words. I hope we can hash it out, so very much, but I'm also afraid to expect it. I can't imagine my head aligning with my heart so easily. It's logical and strong, intent on protecting me from ever feeling that kind of hurt again.

"Fuck, Bella," Edward says between chews. "I forgot what it felt like to taste your food."

My cheeks burn to life. "It's just a sandwich."

"A fucking phenomenal one," he replies, taking a swig of his beer to wash the bite down. "I missed it so much. _You_. I missed you."

His words do nothing to alleviate the heat in my face, so I shyly look down, unsure how to respond to such a straightforward admission. This is where my biggest frustration comes into play. I've never felt any of Edward's actions or words were insincere, even during the lie. He kept a devastatingly painful secret that brought about unnecessary hurt, but I honestly believe he had no idea what to make of his feelings and chose to ignore everyone and follow where they led him.

By doing that he dragged me down with him. Instead of stepping back and discovering himself and what he truly wanted, he chose the path of least resistance. The one that eventually shattered not only my faith in him but another important friendship as well.

The table falls silent after my nonresponse, and Edward gobbles down his panini and pasta in no time at all, while I only eat half of my sandwich and a few bites of the starchy goodness. My stomach is too twisted in knots to entertain much food.

Giving up, I push away my plate and prop my arms on the table in front of me, meeting his eyes. "I missed you too, Edward," I say quietly. "But you hurt me."

"I know I di—"

I hold up my hand. "No, let me talk." After his nod, I continue, "What's interesting is I can almost understand your reasons. I mean, I'll never be able to completely relate as I'm a heterosexual woman, but my heart goes out to you all the same. Society doesn't make things easy for men in your position, so your reasons for keeping your relationship private are valid. They're yours, and I'm not meant to judge them. But pulling me into your confusion was wrong. It hurt so bad, and I still wonder if you really have it all figured out."

He stays silent for a beat, making sure I've finished before sighing deeply. "Ask me questions, Bella. Let me help you understand."

I study him, my mind jumping in a thousand different directions before settling on the one thing that nags at me the most. "How can I trust that you know what you want? You've identified yourself as a gay man." I pause, the image of Edward with Jasper flashing through my mind. "Am I suddenly supposed to believe that's not true anymore? That your preference has done a one-eighty?"

Edward's eyes widen slightly as he processes my question. "Yeah, that's totally not what I expected you to ask." He leans back in his chair and claws a hand through his already finger-roughened hair. "It's hard to understand myself, if I'm being honest. Before you, I never questioned my sexuality. I was perfectly satisfied in my relationship, but getting close to you, spending intimate time together brought all these new and confusing feelings to the surface. I tried to ignore them, I swear I did, but without Jasper around to remind me of what I'd be giving up, it was too easy to get swept away."

He pauses and grabs his beer, taking a slow sip. Watching his nervous display only brings my resentment to the surface. "You didn't really answer my question," I point out, my tone snippier than it should be. "So let me change it, though that's one we'll have to revisit." I huff as I work to form the right words. "After we came back to Providence, Jasper was there, yet you chose to continue seeing me. Why would you do that? Why would you live with him and sneak around with me?"

"I couldn't help myself." His eyes drop to the lukewarm bottle in his hand. "Just thinking about ending things with you made me sick to my stomach."

While his words make my heart pick up speed, they also make my stomach clench. "And Jasper?" I ask, barely above a whisper.

"Bella," he rasps, drawing my eyes to his. "I need you to understand. Jasper has been my best friend since we were kids. I didn't want to lose that."

"So you continued playing us both," I state, the words tasting like acid as they pass my tongue. "And it ended up being at my expense."

He deposits the bottle on the table and leans in, bringing his simmering eyes close. "I imagined a million ways it could all go wrong, but _never_ did I think Jasper was capable of something so cruel." His jaw tightens as he works to fight back his anger at an action he caused. "After you went home that night he caught us, we had it out. I made up every flimsy excuse I could to justify what I was doing. Nothing was settled, and things remained tense between us, but I honestly thought he'd decided to let it play out." His whole demeanor softens, as if the anger never existed. "I _hate_ what he did, but it's not his fault. It's mine."

My breath leaves me in a whoosh, an unexpected sense of relief moving through me. It hurt like crazy that Jasper would set me up that way, but beneath the pain I always knew the blame lay with Edward. At least now I know he does, too. His actions, along with my unknowing ones, caused his carefully constructed dominoes to fall.

"I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that," I reply, reaching for the unopened container and peeling away the lid to reveal a bowl of peanut butter brownies. "After we spoke before, I walked away with a lot of bitterness toward Jasper, but as time passed, I've come to realize that I was a threat to something important to him. As wrong as it was, I can understand his motivations."

"You made these for me?" Edward's eyes light up as I sit the container in front of him. He takes one and shoves half of it into his mouth, humming as he chews. "Shit, Bella, I don't deserve this," he mumbles as he quickly finishes it and pushes the container aside, leaning closer. "I _did_ put a lot of the blame on Jasper, and it was wrong. I realize that now, perspective and all." He shrugs, looking pensive.

"I'm glad," I respond, reaching for the bowl, mostly to keep myself occupied. With him this close and seemingly so self-aware, it's almost impossible not to lean into him, to absorb his presence. "Can we go back to my earlier question?"

His warm fingers land gently on my arm, ceasing all movement on my part. "I'd love to try and explain that better, but why aren't you asking me about what happened after you left? Why aren't you asking what happened with Jasper?"

I leave my arm where it is, all thoughts of a brownie swept away by his touch, and meet his pretty eyes. "I don't think it's any of my business. You're here and not at Northwestern, so I hope you're not making the same mistake twice."

"Never!" he says forcefully. His fingers trail down and he lifts my hand, clasping them together on the table between us. "I'd like for you to know. It's important to me that you know."

"I'm not sure it can help," I reply honestly, giving him an apologetic smile. "Nothing about Jasper's and your relationship bothers me aside from the fact that you made me a party to your cheating. He was your boyfriend, and I'd only think less of you if you didn't try to fix that relationship."

"Even if it was too late?" His eyes fall to our hands. "Don't get me wrong, Jasper has been in my life too long to sever ties, but the romantic aspect between us died the night you and I slept together. I was just too big of a pussy to face it."

"Edward." My voice is firm as I shake my head and squeeze his hand to get his attention. "If that were true, I'd have never caught you in the position I did." I'm matter-of-fact, to the point, openly calling him on his dishonesty.

"I can see how you might think that," he says, and I'm only shaking my head more firmly. "No. Hear me out." I stop in a huff, not expecting any excuse he makes to have merit. "On New Year's Eve night, I threw what Jasper and I had away. At the time, I couldn't fight the pull between _us_ any longer, but when I woke the next morning and couldn't even find a fuck to give because you were there, I knew. I knew it every time I brushed him off or made excuses afterward. But that day …" He trails off, closing his eyes, as if picturing the scene himself.

I have to force myself not to snatch my hand away, but the pain that ghosts across his face reminds me that no one came out of this situation unscathed. Each one of us were hurt in different ways, and while it was avoidable, it doesn't change the end result.

When he reopens his eyes, the extra moisture causes them to glow even brighter. "I was so tired of lying to you. I wanted it to be officially over with Jasper, but I couldn't even fathom losing his friendship. The day started normally enough. Our plans to watch the Super Bowl were an annual tradition, so I thought it would be the perfect time to talk to him. But when I told him how I felt, he brought up the one fear that had kept me from telling you the truth sooner. My insecurity; me thinking you'd never willingly be with me after you knew. He issued a challenge, and I was intent to prove a point. No matter what happened between you and me, I wanted to prove he and I were over. I can almost assure you that it wouldn't have went much farther."

"Almost?" My brows climb high.

"Couldn't you feel the anger, Bella?" he asks, his eyes clouded with the past. "We were both so fucking angry, and I couldn't understand why he was taunting me to prove that we were done. I was disgusted with myself every single second because I felt like I was cheating on _you_."

"You told him you loved him." My voice is small as I close my eyes and willingly bring forth the image, trying to view it with Edward's explanation in mind. I can only see his profile as the words slip from his lips, but I hear them clearly. They're filled with both agony and apology at the same time.

"I did. I _do_ ," he responds, and his soft confession snaps me from the memory. His other hand comes up and his fingers tentatively trace along my bare forearm. "He's been my best friend for a lot longer than we were together romantically. It's taken some work, but we were able to maintain that friendship. I hope that's not a deal breaker for you."

"It's not a deal breaker." I pause, my mind swiftly debating my next words, and I finally settle on my truth. "In fact, I'd think less of you if you didn't still love him." His fingers still and the expression on his face can only be categorized as surprised confusion. "In that split second it hurt so bad, but with time and perspective and now a more in-depth explanation, I understand your struggle. I'm just sad we all had to be so terribly hurt while you worked through it."

"I'm speechless." He shakes his head, lifting my hand to place a tender kiss at my wrist. "Are you sure you aren't being a little too understanding? Fuck, Bella, I want your forgiveness more than anything, but I don't want you to just let me off the hook."

"I'm not letting you off the hook," I reply, giving him a smartass eye roll. "But this talk was supposed to help, and it has. It's confirmed most of the conclusions I'd already drawn from the situation."

"Not that you owe me an explanation, but if you were already at peace about before, then what's been holding you back? _Us_ back?" he asks, his dark brows drawn to the center of his forehead.

I sigh, carefully withdrawing my hand from his grasp. "This is where we go back to my first question. How can I trust that you really know what you want? Or to be more specific, how can I know that _I'm_ capable of keeping you happy."

His eyes fall to his empty hand, a look of concentration splattered across his features. "That's a valid question," he says, lifting his gaze. "I wish I had a foolproof, take no prisoners answer, but I don't. Even telling you I'm in love with you isn't enough because we both know I've loved before."

The air freezes in my lungs, and my heart starts hammering. It's not the quiet, simple admission that comes well into a relationship, but it's an admission all the same. A stunning one that sends my mind into a tailspin, while my body welcomes his words like a teenager meeting a famous crush.

"I can tell you this is different, and I didn't know there could be a difference until I felt it blossom inside me," he says softly, the words only adding to my overdriven emotions. "During the summer when I was in Chicago trying to decide if I could really do it; if I could chase you across the country." He pauses and shakes his head. "Do you know how hard that was? Because what if you hated me? Did I really want to know? It was the hardest decision I've ever fucking made."

"Is that what you meant?" I ask, and at his questioning look, I elaborate. "On Monday, you said choosing me wasn't easy."

"Absolutely," he replies with a decisive nod. "You do that so well; pick up on the small things."

I shrug, the easy conversation allowing my insides to settle. "At the time, I assumed you meant between Jasper and me, but this talk has changed that."

"I'm glad." He gives me that perfect boyish grin. "Can we move to the sofa? Somewhere a little less formal?"

"Sure." We both stand, insecurity marring our actions. "How about I close up these containers and you grab us a couple more beers."

I work to straighten out the table, closing containers and tossing trash, and then I take an additional couple of minutes to load our dirty plates into the dishwasher. Edward doesn't push from his spot on the sofa, and I'm thankful. Today has confirmed some of my assumptions and cleared up others, somehow lightening my burden without any effort on my part to make it so.

Once everything is straightened, I move across the open space to the living room and take a seat, leaving about a foot between us. "This is a beautiful place," I say as I sit, my eyes scanning to the metal and wire that line the staircase and continue as a guard rail across the loft opening.

"Yeah, my mom gets all the credit for that."

My surprised eyes jump to his. In my own turmoil, I'd forgotten how far-reaching the effects of their hidden relationship could span. "Does she know?"

"Every. Last. Detail," he replies, and he seems okay with that. "There was no way I was keeping this from her. I told Jasper he had a month to come clean, but I ended up telling Mom in confidence my second night home."

"How did she take it?" I take the beer he's holding out and set it on the coffee table, too curious to even bother taking a sip.

Edward snorts and leans over, depositing his right beside it. "She chewed my ass out. For not telling her sooner about Jasper, for thinking I needed to bring a pretend girlfriend home just to appease her, for hurting you."

I pull up my foot and tuck it beneath me, swiveling toward him. "What does she think of you being here now?"

His cheeks pinken and he looks down, his long lashes fanning across his cheeks. "She bought this place online … two weeks before I made the decision to come."

"No pressure, right?" I giggle, and it feels good.

"None at all," he replies, taking my hand and settling them on the sofa between us. "Before I decided to come here, I ran into a girl I used to crush on when I was like twelve. She was sixteen at the time and lived a block over." His fingers play with mine, and his eyes focus intently on them. "I asked her out. Because I needed to see, ya know?"

"What exactly were you looking for?"

"My identity, I think." He lifts his eyes, and they're thoughtful. "Either way, it didn't help. She was great, we had a good time, but there was no spark." He shakes his head with an eye roll. "The guy date was even worse."

"Oh my," I say, my heart breaking for him just a tiny bit. "So there was a time you were attracted to girls?"

"I was a normal kid." He shrugs. "As teenage boy, a strong wind can turn you on so yeah, girls had that effect."

"When did that change?" I ask, more curious than I should be on this subject.

"I guess when I committed to a relationship with Jasper," he replies, as if he's only considering this question for the first time. "It wasn't as if I was turned off by heterosexual sex, I was just happy with my own sex life."

There's so much more I want to know here, my own curiosity spiraling into overdrive, but I'm not sure he even knows the answers himself. Unwinding his past is part of shaping our future, but it's not all meant for today.

"Anyway," he says on a sigh. "I wanted to figure myself out before I came here, hence the dates, but it didn't help much."

"I'm sorry," I reply, and I can feel his remorse. "I take it you came to a conclusion somewhere along the way."

"I decided it didn't matter," he says, shifting so close our bodies are only inches from touching. "There was already someone out there who I _knew_ I wanted, and all I needed to do was swallow my fear of rejection and man up."

"You've done a very good job with that, if I do say so myself," I reply, glancing down to hide my smile.

He lifts my chin with a single finger. "You're the only one that matters."

We stare at each other for one slow minute as our long-ignored conversation comes to a peaceful end. There's more to say, more to learn about our months apart, but for the first time since that day, I feel like I can put my hurt where it belongs.

In the past.

* * *

 **Thank you for all the lovely reviews, and I apologize for not being able to reply to most of them. Juggling SafeBetElla and BloodThirstyWard is a tall order, but so far, I've been able to keep them both on track!**

 **The span of thoughts run from "Edward is a cheating liar" to "It's time for Bella to forgive him," and I think this is fairly middling. This story will span through the redevelopment of their relationship, and I hope to make it feel realistic and not always easy.**

 **See you in 2 weeks :)**


	7. Optimism

**2browneyes and Sunshine pre-read this for me. All mistakes are mine!**

* * *

I spend another couple of hours with Edward on Sunday and walk away feeling like the past isn't as scary as it once was. I'm not completely over it, but I have decided he's worth the risk. I think I knew it all along. Even during the worst of times, my heart ached as much _for_ Edward as it did over the things he'd done.

They were wrong; _he_ was wrong, but I can't find it in me to apply the same standards to this situation. And maybe that's wrong; maybe _I'm_ wrong, yet his heartfelt honesty tells me I'm not. Right now, he truly does want to be with me, and that's the only guarantee anyone has at the beginning of any relationship.

We're going to go slow, to take our time and really learn who the other is. My best guess is Edward will be learning himself along the way, also, which is the most intimidating aspect. I hope by going in with eyes wide open, my heart will remain encased behind an impenetrable wall until I know for sure; until _he_ knows for sure.

The following Wednesday, for the first time we meet at my apartment. I introduce him to Ben and Angela as my friend, and that's how the night unfolds. He escorts me to a Halloween party only a block away, and we stay close all night. It's not the same jilted, unsure conversation we've carried on across the table for the past month. It's easy and free and feels like the brick wall that's been between us has been smashed. I can't even find it in me to oppose when he slings his arm across my shoulder on the stumbly walk home. There is no kiss goodnight, and I never expected there would be.

We're simply not there yet.

On Thursday morning, as I'm leaving my Feature Writing class, Jake catches up to me. "Hey, Bella," he says, falling in step beside me. "I take it you were given your quarter project today?"

"Yeah," I say, glancing his way. "How did you know?"

"Professor Molina." He rolls his eyes, shifting his books from one hand to the other. "We were also given ours." He pauses and touches my arm, his anxiousness apparent. "We're to seek out other seniors, ones from the Feature Writing class, and offer our services. In other words, if you'll work with me, I can enhance your presentation with my mad photography skills."

"Ohhh." My mouth pops open as I'm caught off guard with this portion of the project. "Professor Berty didn't mention it."

"It's only a matter of time, I imagine." Jake shrugs. "But if you think about it, it makes sense. You're tasked with presenting a newsworthy article, and the perfect image has the potential to take it to the next level."

"But what if I write a crappy article, won't that reflect on you?" I ask, chewing over the reasoning behind this assignment. "I'd hate to be partly responsible for anyone else's grade."

"Professor Molina was very specific on that point." Jake tosses his bangs from his eyes with a shift of his head. "Our image will be graded on its own merit. How well it relates to the article will be one component, but everything else will be normal photography standards. Lighting, composition, balance, layout, things like that."

I nod, thinking over the impact a perfect image could add to my, as of yet, undecided project. I motion up the hallway and start walking, keeping my eyes focused ahead. "Do you think maybe I could look through your portfolio before I agree?"

"Sure thing, Bella." His smile is shy and his brown eyes are soft as he leads me closer to the wall. "My next class isn't until four if you wanna check 'em out today?"

"I'm headed to the Husky Den now, you're welcome to tag along," I offer, tilting my head to the doorway at the end of the hall. "My next class is at two."

His smile spreads wide then, his white teeth on full display. I'm momentarily stunned by the transformation. "Cool. Let me swing by my dorm, and I'll meet ya there."

"Sounds great," I reply, but he's already gone, darting through the other bodies in the hallway as if he's on a mission.

The sudden shift from shy and hesitant to glowing pretty boy feels a little strange, but I shrug it off and continue to lunch. I met Jake on my second day in Seattle. I was passing by the Art building just as he was coming down the steps. I must've looked new because he stopped to introduce himself and offer me guidance. For the next hour, we walked around campus and chatted about our majors. I've seen him a couple more times in passing since then, but that's about the gist of our relationship.

By the time I make it to our table, Edward is already there and a wide, toothy grin breaks out at the sight of me. I almost trip at the sudden, strange feeling of déjà vu from only a few moments earlier.

Gathering myself, I sit my bookbag on the table and Edward shifts his leg, pushing out the chair closest to him. My eyes move between the chair and the man himself. His smile has settled into a more laid back, confident expression.

My lips twitch as I take the proffered seat. "Good afternoon, Edward."

"Bella," he says, pulling his leg back into his own space as he sits up straighter. "I had a good time last night."

His words are soft and so are his eyes as he pins me to my spot. Heat creeps into my cheeks and a nervous giggle escapes. "I did too," I say easily, because it's true. Last night was a wonderful stepping stone on this journey we've decided to take. "Though I'm not sure Christian Grey and Wonder Woman were a very good pairing."

"Yeah, I missed that by a mile." He palms his forehead with an embarrassed chuckle. "I expected you to change things up this year, so I took a risk. Obviously, I went in the opposite direction." Edward leans closer, propping his arms on the table in front of him. "Though, if I'm being honest, there's an irony there. Maybe those costume choices reflect on what we've been through and where we are right now."

"Maybe," I concede with a tilt of my head.

His arm stretches and his fingers trace along my forearm. "There's plenty of room for improvement next year."

"Massive." I smile, moving my hand so that ours are linked on the table. "I don't think we can get any worse."

He gives me a cutesy wink and releases my hand, standing. "What sounds good today?"

"Chili cheese fries from DUB Street?" I reply, lifting a brow.

"Works for me." He taps the table and moves off, while my eyes remain on his backside.

Until, that is, another form fills my vision. Jake is only a few feet away, and his smile is as blinding as it was when we parted earlier, only this time, he's carrying a large, black leather binder with his fingers closed tightly around the sides.

"Hey, Bella," he says, covering the last bit of space and slipping into Edward's seat before I have time to process his movements.

My eyes quickly scan toward DUB Street, but I can't see Edward, so I plaster on a smile and turn to Jake. "Hey." I shake my head. "I'd almost forgotten you were coming."

"Oh." His smile falls then, wrinkles appearing on his forehead. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No," I rush to say. "I'm actually excited to see what you have there." I point to the rather large book.

Jake beams then, but this one is different than before. This one is full of pride for his work. He rubs his hands together before scooting Edward's chair right up to my side and pulling the book over. I'm momentarily stunned by such a forward move, but it fades quickly as soon as he opens to the first page.

It's a breathtaking view of Puget Sound. It's a clear blue afternoon, the water seeming to sparkle in the sunlight. A pod of Orcas is in the frame with several of them breeching the surface, and a snow-capped Mount Rainier serves as the stunning backdrop.

I'm in awe as he turns the page, this image unfamiliar to me. He picks up on my confusion, and in a quiet voice begins to explain the photograph that almost looks like a campground with the Space Needle looming in the distance.

"This is a homeless camp," he starts, his voice low and somber. "The underbelly of Seattle. It's almost a crisis at this point. With not enough affordable housing and the federal government making more cuts than ever, it's become an epidemic. Leaders come and go, promising changes and reform, but so far no one has held up to their word."

Tears burn at the back of my eyes as he speaks, and my interpretation of the photograph morphs from casual interest to crushing heartbreak. These are the type of things normal people like to pretend doesn't exist. We prefer not to see it, out of sight out of mind, and we also don't want to do anything to help. The homeless are viewed as a stain on society. It's disheartening that the most powerful nation in the world can't even care for its people.

I'm not the paragon of virtue here, as this is the city I currently reside in and I can admit my own ignorance, but it's topics like these that drive my need to become a journalist. I want to write the hard stories, the ones that challenge my fellow citizens to take a stand, but I also want to write the good. The heartachingly beautiful stories that bring us all hope.

A throat clears, bringing me from my musings, and I look to the sound, already recognizing the tone. "Edward." I smile and blink back my tears. "I'm sorry, I forgot Jake would be joining me today."

Edward's brows are drawn to the center of his forehead as he looks at Jake before settling back on me. He places our large chili cheese fries on the table and lifts his hand to swipe his thumb beneath my eye, looking for wetness. "Is something wrong?"

"No. Not at all." I shake my head and motion to the seat on the other side of me. "Jake is _auditioning_ for the role of photographer for my Feature Writing paper."

Edward's eyes flick to Jake once more before he pulls out his seat. "Why do you look like you've been crying?"

I grab the book, and with a pleading look to Jake, he releases it and allows me to show the photo to Edward. "This image, it really got to me."

Edward's eyes stay on mine for a beat longer before he finally looks down. "Ahh, I see." He leans forward to make eye contact with Jake. "Powerful photo, Jake, is it?"

"Jacob Black, Art major with Photomedia as my concentration," he says, extending his hand.

Edward takes it and they shake across the album. "Edward Cullen, Pre-Med."

"Impressive," Jake says, tugging the album back to center it in front of us and turning the page. "This is Pike Place Market, but I assume you've already been there?"

"I haven't, actually," I reply. "I've mostly stayed around campus."

"That's too bad," he says, shaking his head. "You gotta live a little. Maybe we can go one weekend." His comment is lighthearted and not really asking for a reply, but I feel Edward's eyes burning into the side of my head.

"We'll see," I say noncommittally, glancing to Edward with an apologetic shrug.

He lifts a brow and grabs the gooiest fry straight off the top of the pile, shoving it into his mouth, humming at the sinful taste. Brat. He knows that's always my favorite. I stick out my tongue like we're in elementary school and return my attention to Jake and his unbelievably spectacular photos.

By the time we're done pouring through the album, I look up to realize Edward is nowhere to be seen and the only fry gone from our lunch is the one he'd taken earlier. My eyes scan around, hoping to spot him elsewhere, but it's a lost cause.

"Did I cause a problem?" Jake asks, flicking his bangs to the side.

My eyes jump to his. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Your boyfriend shot the gap," he replies, closing the album and pulling it to his chest.

"Um." I pause, unsure how to respond. "He's not my boyfriend."

Jake's whole expression changes. His eyes spark to life and his teeth shine through his smiling lips. "No?"

I take a deep breath as I chew over this response. It's important that I get it right. "He's not," I say on a breath but rush to add, "but that doesn't mean he won't be. It's a complicated situation between us, but I'm not available to anyone else."

He deflates before my very eyes, his whole demeanor shifting. "Yeah, that's not something I'm interested in getting mixed up in." He shrugs. "You're cute and all …"

"Thanks." I laugh, light and carefree, glad that he took it so easily. "So where does this leave us for the project?"

He stands, shifting his ever-in-his-eyes bangs. "That's your call. This was my audition, after all."

"You passed with flying colors." I stick out my hand. "The job is yours if you still want it."

"I'd be a fool to say no," he says, taking my hand and giving it a firm shake. "Are you sure this isn't going to cause problems between you two?"

"If he was that type of guy, I wouldn't want to be with him in the first place," I say, brushing a loose strand behind my ear just to have something to do with my hand. "Our situation is complicated, but it's not _that_ kind of complicated. He probably thought he'd just get out of our way."

"I don't know, Bella," he says, shaking his head. "He disappeared without saying a word. That screams jealousy to me."

"Oh, he may be jealous," I agree, "but I promise he's not angry. We're not going to get into an argument over who I work with on this project. He's not that type of guy."

"Whatever you say." Jake looks skeptical, but he does back off. "So, how do you want to work this?"

I pause, chewing on my lower lip. "How about once I have my topic nailed down we get together again and talk about image ideas?

"Sounds good." He pulls out his phone. "Number?"

I rattle it off and wait for the text before saving his into my phone. "Thanks, Jake."

"No problem," he says, turning to disappear into the crowd.

With my phone already in hand, I scroll to Edward's previously unused, new number and open a text. _Where did you disappear to?_

I sit it on the table, thinking he may reply, and grab one of the cold fries. It's not very pleasant, but I manage to down a few of them as I spend my last few minutes alone before heading to my next class. With no immediate response, Jake's concern rolls around in my brain. I spoke for Edward, of his character as a person as I defended his abrupt departure, but now I find myself wondering if I'm right. Do I really know him that well when it comes to even the simplest of things? I'm not sure I do. All my relationship knowledge of him comes from a lie, from a man who was hiding who he really was the whole time. Who was also hiding us. In a new setting, in this new life, it's time to start discovering who he truly is.

My phone is still silent when I leave my last class of the day, so I stop by the closest market and grab a couple of items. Instead of waiting to see Edward tomorrow at lunch, I've decided to be proactive. Tiptoeing is in the past. Since it's already late afternoon, I grab the ingredients for something quick and delicious, a slight change from the usual peanut butter brownies.

The apartment is empty as I arrive, and I drop my bookbag by the door, continuing straight to the kitchen. Pulling my square muffin pan from the cabinet, I open the prepackaged chocolate chip cookie dough and slice it into twelve sections, pressing each one into the bottom of the squares. Next, I sit one Reese's peanut butter cup on top of the dough. I finish by mixing one bag of Betty Crocker brownie mix and pouring it over each cup until they're barely covered. I'm sort of cheating today, but the end result is peanut butter deliciousness, and I've only dirtied three dishes.

Sticking them into the oven, I open the fridge and pull out the ingredients for a sandwich. With only a meager lunch, my stomach is rumbling and I want something I can eat while the dessert bakes. Fifteen minutes later my dinner has been eaten and the cookie-brownies are cooling on top of the oven. I run to my room to change clothes and freshen up, intent on packaging the treats and heading to Edward's loft, but the doorbell chimes just as I'm removing my shirt.

Flustered, I push it back in place and go to answer the door. When I check the peephole, though, my frustration turns to curiosity rather quickly and I rush to unlock and open the offending wooden slab. "Edward," I say brightly. "What are you doing here?"

His eyes roam over me before coming back to mine. "I thought we should talk." He pauses and peeks behind me. "Did I interrupt something?"

An uncontrollable bark of laughter bursts from within me. "As a matter of fact, you did." His face falls suddenly, and I realize my mistake, so I pull the door open wider. "Come in, please," I say, motioning with my hand. As he passes, I close the door and turn. "I was actually changing so I could come see you."

He stops and spins to face me. "Me?"

"Sure." I shrug, moving toward the kitchen. "I guess we were on the same wavelength." I spread my hands over the pan as if I'm some game show hostess. "I was making a treat to bring."

"It smells delicious, but you know you don't have to do that, right?" he asks, moving to take a seat at the bar. "You don't need to bring anything besides yourself."

"Of course I know that," I reply, grabbing a Tupperware container from the cabinet and moving back to the pan. "It's was just something quick and new for you to try."

He stays silent as I flip the pan onto a cutting board and transfer the treats into the bowl. Instead of closing them up, I bring the open container with me as I move around the bar and take the stool beside him. "Tell me what you think," I say, pointing to the dessert squares.

Edward's eyes stay on mine as he lifts one of them from the bowl and brings it to his pretty, pink lips. I'm mesmerized by them as they close around the gooey deliciousness. It isn't until they stop moving and slowly lift into a smirk that I realize just how lost in them I am.

"Sorry," I mutter, my cheeks blazing as I shift my gaze to his eyes. "Did you like it?"

His response is to shove the remainder of the square into his mouth—which I avoid like the plague—and hum as his jaw muscles work and his eyes spark with humor. "It's fucking delicious, Bella, but I've never tasted anything bad from you."

His words do nothing to remove the heat from my face. "Thank you."

He grins. "Can I touch it?"

My brows lift as my mind tries to decipher his question.

"Your skin," he murmurs, lifting a hesitant hand. "I want to see if it will burn me."

If possible, the blaze ratchets up ten more degrees. I feel like I'm on fire, burning from within. Steeling myself, I reach for his hand and settle it against my cheek, my heart beating a frantic pace inside my chest.

His sigh is audible as his eyes fall closed, as if savoring the moment. "So fucking warm and beautiful." His tone is soft and buttery, washing over me like a soothing balm. His eyes reopen and they're apologetic as he removes his hand. "It was shitty of me to leave today without telling you."

I bob my head. "Yeah, it was."

"That's why I'm here," he says, his eyes falling to the granite as his finger traces absently over the thin gray lines. "We've been in this little bubble, closed off from others in a sense, and today I realized that as much as I want and desire you, others surely must also. I saw it firsthand with Jake." He clasps our hand, lifting his troubled gaze to mine. "I don't think it's fair of me to stand in the way. As a matter of fact, I should probably encourage you after the things I've done. Jake's interested in you, so maybe you should take him up on it. Go out with the guy, give him a chance."

My heart rejoices and breaks at the same time. I _do_ know his character and that fills me with so much relief, but at the same time, I'm saddened he sees himself as an obstacle to my perceived happiness. Though we've talked through the past, it's obviously still affecting us. I knew it would be there, I just didn't expect it to manifest in this way.

"So that's it?" I say, my voice sharp. "Don't get me wrong, Edward, I understand exactly what you're saying and I even like parts of it, but the whole idea of offering to step aside really upsets me. Where's the man who promised me he'd be patient and willing to wait as long as it takes? Where's he among all that nonsense?"

"I'm right here," he says, lifting our hands and pressing mine against his thudding heart. "That man is here and he's not going anywhere, but maybe this is the path for us. It can be long and winding, however much time it takes and whatever needs to happen for you to be sure of me."

I shake my head and add an eye roll to show him just how annoyed I am with the suggestion. "While I know that slowly is the only way we can move forward, I have no interest whatsoever in pursuing anything with someone who isn't you. As a matter of fact," I say, tugging my hand away from his hold, "I made it clear to Jake that I'm not available to anyone _except_ you." I cross my arms in a huff, decidedly unhappy at the turn in this conversation, and then a silent question creeps in and upsets me even more. "Wait a minute." I jab my pointer finger at him. "Are you wanting to see other people?"

"What? No," he almost shrieks, his hands coming up and adamantly waving the notion away. "I just want you to be happy, Bella."

"You make me happy and sad at the same time," I remark, unable to bury the truth behind false words. "It's only been a few days since our talk and you're already auctioning me off to the first bidder."

His beautifully sad eyes instantly become shame filled. "I'm sorry if that's what it seemed like, but it wasn't my intention. I just don't want you to pass up good opportunities on my account. I'll always be here."

My poor, misguided man. "The only good opportunity I want is sitting right in front of me, so please stop trying to send me on dates."

"Thank God," he says, grabbing his chest in mock relief. "But seriously, I would've hated every second of it." He sighs, his pretty green eyes filled with sincerity. "I know it's on me to convince you you're everything I want, and I'm kind of sucking at that right now, but I didn't mean to upset you. I was hoping to show you that I'm not going anywhere."

"I get that … sort of," I reply with a snort. "But I don't think it's a healthy solution. At all. Especially considering our past."

His eyes drop and he shakes his head. "Yeah, that was fucking stupid."

"The thought behind the idea was sweet, Edward," I say, nudging his chin upward. "But those type of gestures are usually for people who aren't sure what they want. We are, aren't we?"

A little bit of his usual confidence sparks in his eyes. "I want _you_."

"Then stop trying to give me away," I say, pinching his side.

He barks a loud, beautiful laugh and it's so freeing that it spurs me into action. I stand quickly and throw my arms around him for a tight hug. He's stunned at first, still beneath my touch, but he slowly stands and wraps his arms around my back to pull me close.

In this blissful moment, I feel more optimistic than I have in a long time.

* * *

 **See you in two weeks :)**


	8. First Date

**Sunshine and 2browneyes are kind enough to read this for me, and all mistakes are mine!**

* * *

I spend the weekend poring over topics for my feature writing assignment. The possible subjects are vast and unending. From politics to social matters to heartfelt personal stories, the sky is the limit.

As much as I'm moved by Jake's homeless depiction, I don't think it's fair to build my story around an existing photo or to ask he capture another similar one. So I delve deep into other perilous subjects that have a basis in Seattle, and one in particular leaps out to me as an area where there can never be too many articles.

A quick Google search points me toward other local pieces, and this is where my research begins. I take studious notes of the information contained in each one and then I make a list of questions I feel are left unanswered. More Googling gives me several groups and organizations who have taken this on as their cause, and with the information on my notepad, I'm satisfied I have a good starting point.

I spend the rest of Sunday studying and catching up on laundry before finally crawling into bed. Monday morning is hectic as I have two classes before lunch, and then my third class is at one. During the fifteen minute break between class one and two, I run to the soda machine to grab a Sprite.

Just as I exit the concession area, a familiar voice yells from behind me. "Yo, Bella. Hey, wait up."

I pause and turn with a smile. "Hey, Jake, what's up?"

He flicks his bangs with practiced perfection. "Just saw you hurrying away and thought I'd check in on you." He falls into step beside me. "Everything go okay between you and Edward last week?"

I smile at the memory of Edward showing up on my doorstep. "Wouldn't you like to know," I reply, giving him a teasing glance. At his amused expression, my smile breaks into a giggle. "Yes, everything was fine, better than fine, actually. I think we made important progress."

He side-eyes me. "I don't think I even wanna know."

"Probably not." I smirk, bumping into his side as we stop at the steps to the Communications building. "Look, I have a class now, but I should be at the Husky Den about eleven forty-five. If you're free, stop by and we'll discuss my topic for the assignment."

"Sounds good. I don't have another class until four," he replies with a shrug. I start up the steps, only for him to call my name. "Hey, Bella, did Professor Berty ever mention the photo aspect of it?"

I turn, taller than him for once. "Oh yeah," I reply, shaking my head. "Those who refused the offer from someone in your class got an automatic ten point deduction. He says we're adults now and should know a good opportunity when it presents itself. It'll be twenty points if they come to class next week with no partner."

"Wow." The one eye that's not covered by hair widens before his expression settles into one of mirth. "I always knew you were one of the smart ones."

I playfully roll my eyes. "With photos like yours, I'd have been a fool to say no."

He purses his lips and tilts his head in concession. "True."

"Get out of here before your head gets any larger," I say, waving him away. "See you in a bit."

"Later."

My next class is a long lecture with a lot of note taking, so I'm glad to be free by the time we're dismissed. I hurry to Husky Den, knowing Edward will be already waiting. As soon as I spot him, I pause, slowing my steps so I can admire him as I continue across the room. He's slouched in his seat with his long, jean-clad legs stretched under the table, and his thumb is tapping an imaginary beat against the smooth, wooden surface.

Almost as if he can feel my presence, he lifts his head and turns to me with his usual pretty boy smile. "I know you don't have much time, so I took the liberty of getting us some lunch." He slides a plate with a burger and fries over in front of the empty chair next to him. "I figured we could split it."

I drop my bookbag in the chair to my left as I take a seat. "Sounds good," I say, snagging a fry and dipping it in ketchup before popping it into my mouth. Once it's swallowed, I take a sip of the Coke and sit it back between us. "Jake may stop by. I ran into him earlier and told him I've chosen my topic for the article."

"Yeah, I'd say he definitely will." Edward's eyes flash to something behind me before settling back on mine. "I can't wait to hear what you decided to go with."

His eyes are locked on mine, and they're so pretty and clear that I want to dive into them and take a swim. To know what thoughts really stir in that enigmatic brain of his. The chair across from me makes a scraping noise as Jake pulls it ouy, breaking the intense stare-down between Edward and me.

"What's up, guys," Jake says loudly, too loudly, but it does the trick. Edward and I both turn our focus to him. "So, hit me, Bella. I can't wait to hear what you've chosen." He rubs his hands together like an evil scientist.

Edward shifts, sitting up straighter and propping his elbows on the table. Both men are watching me as if I'm the keynote speaker at a comic book convention. "No pressure, right, guys?" I chuckle, a little uneasy, and rub my sweaty palms against my thighs. Blowing out a breath, I say, "I'm going to write my feature article on how plastics are destroying the ocean."

Jake fist pumps. "Yes!"

Edward smiles so damn wide, and my cheeks blaze. "Excellent topic," he says, reaching for my fidgety hand in an effort to calm my nerves. "There're so many angles you can take with this." He pauses, looking to Jake. "Both of you, really. This is a chance to do some top-notch reporting."

Jake holds up his hands. "Hey, I'm just the camera guy, but I can't wait to capture the perfect image." He cuts his eyes to me. "It's a kickass subject, Bella."

"Thank you," I reply, feeling relieved they both like it so much. "How about we sit on it for a bit and maybe talk again next week? See if we can put together a plan."

Jake's nods absently as his easily-seen eye is focused on something off to the side. "Hey, Nessa," he calls, waving a girl over before he returns his eyes to me. "Next week sounds good. I'll take a look at what's out there and try to come up with an original idea." As he finishes, the tall dark-haired girl sidles up to him, and he hooks an arm around her waist. "Hey, babe. This is Bella, the girl I'm working on the assignment with, and that's Edward, her friend."

"Hey, Nessa, nice to meet you," I say, giving her a smile.

"Nessa." Edward tilts his head, his expression troubled as he turns to Jake. "This your girlfriend?"

Jake shrugs, while Nessa blushes and looks away. "Not yet, but I'm sure as hell working on it." She gives him a shy smile as he stands and tosses his arm across her shoulder. "Catch you guys next week."

I watch them walk away before redirecting my attention to the man seated at the table beside me. He's focused intently on his hands as he picks at his nails. "What was that about?" I ask softly.

"I hate that word," he murmurs, lifting his irritated eyes to mine. " _Friend_."

He says it with contempt, and for some strange reason I find myself overly pleased. A rush of nervous energy vibrates along my skin, a physical symbol signifying how big this moment really is, and I blow out a steady breath as it collects in the center of my chest.

"It doesn't have to be that way," I say, my voice low and soft. "I'm ready for the next step. The first step toward us."

His eyes go from discontented to confused to bursting with barely contained excitement in a matter of moments. "Are you sure?"

I can only nod, the anticipation of what comes next swelling inside my chest, preventing me from speaking.

He takes a deep breath and blows it out as he leans into my personal space. His eyes are hesitant but hopeful at the same time. "Bella," he breathes, taking my hand between his larger ones. "Will you go on a date with me?"

My eyes fall closed as the words wash over me, and I reopen them as a reverent smile curves my lips. "Yes," I respond, my smile shifting into a playful smirk. "I thought you'd never ask."

His pretty green eyes sparkle and his lips curve. "Better late than never," he returns, keeping the moment light. "Though I hope you won't make me wait until the weekend."

My brows rise. "A week night?"

"Please."

"Wednesday?" I ask after mentally ticking through my week. "It's the night I have the most free time."

"Wednesday is perfect," he says, releasing my hand and brushing my hair over my shoulder. "I promise to do it right this time."

"You didn't do this part wrong last time," I say softly, a small twinge of regret prickling across my skin. "Everything between us back then was so easy and wonderful. It was the lie that was wrong."

"I know," he agrees, bringing his palm up to cup my nape as he stares so very seriously into my eyes. "I promise to never lie to you again, even if the truth might be hurtful."

Tears sting the back of my eyes. "That's all I can ask for."

His eyes flick to my lips and back to mine before he slowly leans in and places a small peck to the corner of my mouth. "You won't regret this," he says as he pulls away.

"No, I don't think so," I agree, focusing on the abandoned burger and fries. "I have about ten minutes left. What do you say we inhale this bad boy?"

"Your wish is my command," he says, grabbing a plastic fork and doing an okay job of dividing the hamburger in two.

Lunch is a quick affair after that and we go our separate ways as soon as we're done. That night, something new happens. Edward sends me a random text and it sparks a silly conversation that lasts throughout the evening. It feels good and normal and even spurs a few butterflies because this is how it's supposed to be.

Tuesday and Wednesday both follow Monday rather closely, aside from my class load being lighter. Edward and I meet for lunch as always, and we've continued to text. The conversations are random and not at all sexy, but they somehow add to the anticipation, building a new kind of excitement ahead of our date.

By Wednesday evening, I'm a jittery mess. My hands shake as I apply mascara, eyeliner and a hint of blush. I won't call myself nervous, as I'm very excited to take a firm step forward, but I am hesitant. This night will either go impossibly wrong or amazingly right and the pressure of those thoughts weigh me down, forcing me to feel a jumble of emotions all at the same time.

Not knowing what's in store for us, I select a pair of form-fitting black jeans and a cute, dressy blouse, pairing it with my black ankle boots. Pulling my hair into a messy twist with loose tendrils framing my face is the last step. I forgo any lipstick or gloss because I have high expectations for the end of our evening.

Just as I'm putting the back on my last diamond earring, the doorbell echoes through the apartment. I stare at the girl in front of me, wondering if she's same as the one from last year. Decidedly, I answer with a firm no. After a final once-over, I turn and open the bathroom door.

Edward's low voice greets me as I enter the living room, but he stops abruptly as soon as he notices me and leaves Angela's side to meet me before I can join them. "Bella," he breathes, coming to a stop before me. "You always look beautiful, but knowing you're dressed like this _for_ me"—he pauses, shaking his head—"it just fucking feels so damn good." He takes my hand and leans in, pressing a lengthy peck against my cheek. "Damn," he says as he pulls away. "This might be harder than I thought."

I smirk, knowing exactly what he means. "What's that?"

It's written all over his face, but the most exciting part is I feel exactly the same way. His jeans hug his legs just so and his hair is perfectly messy. His button-up is snug on his shapely chest and the scent of his cologne is clouding my mind.

He steps closer, his hands settling on my hips. "Resisting you until the end of our date."

"Who said that was a requirement?" I ask breathily, lost in the warmth of his hands, the look in his eye, the softness of his words.

"Um, hello," Angela says, pausing as she passes us. "I'll just be in my room."

My eyes go from her scurrying form back to Edward, and the moment is broken. He releases my waist with a warm chuckle and takes my hand instead. "We should probably get going. Do you have a coat?"

"That one." I point to a black blazer hanging on the coatrack.

He holds it out so I can slip my arms into the sleeves, and his hands settle on my biceps for a brief second before he clears his throat and opens the door. I'm surprised to see his car when we get downstairs; the same one he drove in Chicago.

After he has me settled in the passenger side, he rounds the front and drops into the driver's seat. "Did you drive this here?" I ask, my eyes skimming the luxurious interior.

"I did." He gives me a half-grin as he hits the start button and the engine hums to life. "I never took it to Providence because it was always a temporary landing spot, but when I decided to come to Seattle, I had to face the fact that I may stay here." He buckles his seatbelt and turns to me. "If this is where you make your life, then I'm willing to do the same."

As he puts the car in gear, he shrugs like it's no big deal, but it is. It's a huge deal—to me, anyway. He came to Seattle with not only the intent of earning my forgiveness, but he was also looking far beyond that forgiveness and into our future.

A future together.

It feels like a million tiny butterflies have taken flight inside me, and I reach my shaky hand over to settle it on his thigh. "That's huge, Edward, and I'm not even sure how to respond."

His right hand slips down to cover mine and he gives me a quick glance. "You don't have to respond. You're already doing everything perfectly."

His eyes go back to the road, and I stare at the side of his head for a long minute before finally turning my attention forward. The rest of the drive is spent in silence, but our hands remain exactly where they are until we pull to a park at a cute Italian restaurant.

Edward lifts both our hands, pressing a kiss to the back of mine before letting go to shift the car into park and kill the engine. He then turns to me with a lifted finger, warning me to stay in my spot so he can come around and open my door. The whole experience feels exactly as it should on a first date. The excitement, anticipation and warmth are all there, simmering between us, creating a delicious spark that travels across my skin and arcs at his every touch.

And touch me he does, at every opportunity. We hold hands as we walk inside, and we sit in close proximity in an intimate booth. The service is exceptional, but we're too lost in small conversation to care much of the goings on of anything else in the room. The low lighting makes his eyes sparkle, and I get lost in them more than I should.

After sharing a serving a tiramisu for dessert, Edward settles the bill and pulls out my chair to assist me with my jacket. We leave the restaurant in even closer proximity than we entered. The air is crisp and dry, but his nearness keeps me warm from the inside out.

When we reach the car, instead of opening my door, he presses my back against it and steps close. "Have I told you how amazing you are?"

I give him a cutesy shrug. "Not tonight."

"Jesus," he whispers, his eyes falling closed. When they reopen, they're focused on my lips. "You're fucking killing me here, Bella."

"Same," I murmur, running my hand up his chest and securing it to the back of his neck, pulling his face so close I can feel his heavy breaths. "There's no reason to wait," I whisper, ghosting my lips against his. "I want this."

On the second pass, he snaps out of whatever trance has been holding him back and fully engages. His soft lips open in a breathy groan, and he tastes like wine mixed with warm chocolate and crisp nighttime air. It's just like before, only better. It's freeing and truthful and honest and pure. It sends shivers down my spine and electric sparks shooting through my nerve endings.

It's everything a first kiss should be.

Catcalls from across the lot break us apart, and my cheeks blaze against the chilly air. Edward cups the warmth in his large hand and rasps, "This is going to be the death of me."

"I surely hope not," I reply, my voice barely above a whisper. "I want to finish our date."

This snaps him from his blush-induced stupor and he takes a step back, shifting me so he can open the door. "Your carriage awaits," he says in a gentlemanly accent as he makes a grand sweeping motion with his arm.

He's too cute for words, and as I pass him, I can't help but place a quick kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, kind sir."

Practically skipping, he rounds the car with a smile so bright it can be seen even in the dim evening light. Nothing is said as he fastens his seatbelt and cranks the engine to life, reversing from our spot and pulling onto the roadway. But as soon as we're on a straight path, his right hand releases the wheel and searches for mine.

Everything within me settles at the simple contact. "Dinner was amazing," I say with a deep, satisfied sigh.

"You're amazing," he replies, glancing my way. "But it's not over yet. How do you feel about classical piano?"

"I'm not sure," I respond as I consider the question. "It's not something I'm very familiar with, if I'm being honest."

"Then you're in for a treat," he says, not missing a beat. The blue glow from the radio lights his face as he starts speaking with a renewed excitement. "I know it's not a preferred genre for people our age, but my mother loves classical music." He pauses and meets my eyes briefly. "I've actually been trained in it."

"What?" I ask, giving the side of his head my full attention. "How did I not know this?"

He shrugs easily. "It was when I was young, before middle school, so I may be a little rusty."

"A little rusty," I repeat, my brows furrowing before realization dawns and I light up like a Christmas tree. "Are you going to play for me?"

He glances to me again, this time with a pleased grin. "I'm going to try."

"I can't wait," I say, giving his hand an excited squeeze.

The butterflies from earlier return full force, and swallowing them down seems impossible. I expected to have a nice date. I expected to enjoy myself. But I never expected to feel as deeply connected to Edward as I do right not.

The rest of the ride is spent in quiet impatience as I take note of every turn and stop, hoping each one is our destination. It takes another fifteen minutes to arrive and I'm so excited, I get myself from the car to meet him at the front.

He chuckles. "Someone's a little overeager," he says, looping an arm around my waist.

"How can I not be," I exclaim, scooting closer into his side.

The bar is small and intimate with a white baby grand nestled into the back corner. Edward finds us a table and leaves momentarily to sign his name on the list. After he returns, the server takes our drink orders. I opt for another glass of wine while Edward orders a cranberry juice since he's driving.

Several different people take turns at the piano, some better than others, before Edward's name is finally called. I clap ridiculously loud as he approaches the baby grand. Everything around me fades into nothing as I take in his every detail. He rubs his sweaty palms against his jeans and cracks his knuckles before settling them on the ivory keys.

What follows is like an out of body experience. I'm not well-versed enough to know whether his playing is spectacular or not, but it's literally music to my ears. I get lost in a trance as the notes flow toward me and seep into my skin, filling my being with joy. The beauty of his music is stunning, and by the time it's over, silent tears are streaming down my cheeks.

"Baby," he utters, appearing before me and wiping away my tears. "Was it that bad?"

He's sporting a half-cocked grin, and I kiss it right off his face in front of everyone at the bar. "Let's go," I whisper, pulling away.

He can't settle the bill fast enough and the trip to the car is even quicker, but with the ride comes levity. He makes his intentions clear by navigating us to my building and parking out front.

He turns in his seat. "Can I walk you to your door?"

"I'd rather you have walked me to yours," I respond, lifting a defiant brow.

He chuckles, and it's warm and rich and everything about him I find adorable. "We have time, Bella. All the time in the world." He gets out and comes around, helping me from the car and taking my hand in a tight hold. "Tonight was perfect. I don't want to ruin it with hasty decisions."

I lean my head against his shoulder. "Mentally, I agree with you, but physically everything within me is screaming for you to take me home and make me yours."

"Fuck, Bella." He missteps, almost stomping my toes. "You can't say shit like that. Not right now, at least."

I sigh as we enter the elevator. "I know, and I'm sorry. I had a wonderful time tonight."

"That was the plan." Edward smirks, giving my hand an extra squeeze. The elevator dings and the doors open, bringing me closer to the moment I'll have to let him go. It's at that moment when I realize the walk to my apartment is way too short. "I was hoping we could do it again this weekend?"

"Like you have to even ask," I say, giving him a playful nudge.

He stops and presses me against the wall next to my door, his body touching mine in such a delicious way I have to bite back a moan. "I want you so bad, but I don't want to rush this, Bella. It has to be done right if it's going to last, and I fucking _need_ it to last."

I open my mouth to respond, but he shuts me up with his tongue. It expertly invades my being, rendering me speechless and needy all in one impressive show. My hands grasp for any part of him, wanting him closer, needing more, and my tongue seeks to do battle. It's everything my body is screaming for all wrapped in one single kiss.

By the time he pulls away, my breathing is choppy and erratic and his eyes are filled with lust, but they also hold something else. It's that other emotion; the one we're not yet ready for. It's instantly sobering, and I push him back to create some space between us.

With a gentle kiss to his cheek, I back toward my door. "Good night, Edward."

"Tomorrow," he murmurs, his eyes on me until I've disappeared behind the door.

* * *

 **See you next time :)**


	9. Holiday Plans

**2browneyes and Sunshine pre-read for me. All mistakes are mine!**

* * *

Edward and I have a second date on Saturday and another on Tuesday before finding ourselves at his condo on Wednesday evening, waiting on our Chinese takeout to arrive. Easy-listening songs provide a backdrop as Edward tosses our empty beer bottles in the trash and grabs two more from the fridge.

He swaggers back across the room with his pretty boy grin firmly in place. "Like what you see?" he asks, holding the beers wide so I can appreciate the full-frontal view.

My eyes trail from his muscular legs to his chest-hugging T-shirt and all the way back to his teasing greens. "Very much so."

His boyish grin slips into a devious smirk as he sets the beers on the coffee table and swoops into the seat beside me. His fingers go for my waist, and as I toss my head back, his breathy laugh skims across my neck as his warm lips caress my skin. A cute, playful moment has turned hot in the blink of an eye, and I'm no fool. I embrace it.

Him.

Us.

My fingers find purchase in his hair, and my nails scratch against his scalp. A growl vibrates across my neck, and he swiftly lifts his lips to capture mine in a searing kiss. I'm open and eager, accepting him deep inside as he shifts, pressing me to lie back and covering my body with his.

Our tongues tangle in a flurry of deep thrusts as his thigh settles between mine. My hands frantically scamper across cumbersome clothing, desperately seeking the blistering skin beneath. I fist his tee and yank upward, my fingers skating around his sides to pull him closer.

The words patience and slow work their way through my mind, but my senses are on overload. The intimacy of this moment is raw and exciting, another large step forward in our budding relationship.

"Jesus," he murmurs, his lips leaving mine to trail along my jaw and down to my neck. "You're so fucking sexy, almost impossible to resist."

"Then don't," I pant, running my hands up his back to grip his shoulders. "Stop resisting and make love to me."

He lifts his head and his eyes are burning with lust, but they're also hesitant. The same hesitance he's carried with us on every single date. "Bella …" He pauses, his green eyes growing brighter with every second. "Not yet. We're no—"

The doorbell rings, interrupting him and killing any hope I have of changing his mind, but he doesn't flee as if it's an easy excuse. He stays where he is, his bright eyes boring into mine. "I want this. _You._ Don't ever think I don't." He presses a sweet kiss to my burning cheek and pushes his forearms taut as he lifts up and stands, reordering his messy T-shirt. With a cocky smirk, he struts toward the door.

I sit up quickly, smoothing my blouse and finger brushing my hair into some semblance of organization, when Edward's lit up phone on the coffee table catches my attention. My every movement freezes because even from this distance I can see the image reflecting from the screen. His shaggy blond hair, bright blue eyes and smiling face send a surge of unease through me.

Jasper.

My breath catches as a wave of reality crashes over me. No wonder Edward's so hesitant. There's a whole minefield we've mentioned but never fully discussed, and Jasper and Edward's continuing friendship is a big part of that. In the back of my mind it seemed like nothing, but watching it occur before my very eyes amps up the need to discuss it again.

The need for reassurance.

And I hate it.

Will I always wonder if I'm just the consolation prize? Second best? Can I ever be secure with their friendship? In my relationship? It all swirls around in my mind, along with a healthy dose of relief. Edward's right. We're _not_ ready. Not at all.

The take-out bags break the link between my eyes and the no-longer-ringing phone as Edward sets them on the table and grabs the two room temperature beers from earlier. "Let me go swap these out," he says, moving toward the kitchen.

Using the couple of minutes he's away, I try to snap myself out of the funk that's settled around me. Edward hasn't done anything wrong. Nothing's different than it was ten minutes ago—except my awareness. Seeing Jasper's image flash on Edward's phone is like a bucket of ice cold water being poured over my head. They have a rapport, a friendship; a long-standing one that isn't going anywhere.

"Here we are," Edward says, sitting the two beers on the coffee table as he perches on the edge and stares at me with his pretty eyes. "I know you wish things were moving faster, but I don't want to screw this up. It's important to me."

His voice is soft, but his sincere eyes speak loudly. It compels me to use my words just as effectively. "No, you're right," I say, scooting back to rest against the sofa. "I've been so caught up in this new us that I forgot about some of the old aspects. We haven't worked through all of those, and maybe it's time we start."

Edward spreads his knees, propping his elbows on them, and leans forward, his eyebrows drawn to the center of his forehead. "I'm not exactly sure where this is coming from, but sure. We can work through whatever you want, whenever you want." He spreads his arms wide. "I'm an open book."

And he is. He has been. At no point has he suggested anything other than he and Jasper have remained friends. It's me who acknowledged it, and then tossed it aside like it meant nothing. I ignored it. Shoved it to the back of my mind and buried it beneath a pile of rubble without ever registering that I'd have to face it. Of course, I do. To truly be with Edward means every part of his life becomes a part of mine and vice versa.

My eyes leave his and skim over the bags of food that block my view of his phone. "You missed a call while you were at the door."

"Pssh." He waves it away with a toss of his hand as he pulls out a carton of Kung Pao chicken, holding it out for me. "I'll call them back later. I have better things to do right now."

Instead of taking the container, I draw my arms around my mid-section as if to comfort myself over what's to come. "It was Jasper."

"I see," Edward says, placing the container back on the coffee table and shifting to sit beside me on the sofa. "And this upset you?" His fingers brush along my arm, sending unwanted goosebumps traveling across my skin.

"I'm not sure upset is the right word," I say, keeping my eyes forward. "It was more like a big fat reality check."

"Okay," he says in a measured voice. "I've been open about our continued friendship from the start, but I can see where discussing it in an abstract conversation and seeing it come to life might be different." Very slowly, he lifts his fingers to my jaw and coaxes my eyes to his. "But you know it's you I want, right? That it's you my heart compelled me to chase?"

"I do know that." My eyes fall closed for a moment as I work through what I need to express. "At least, I think I know. But seeing that call, it brought up all these latent insecurities, and if I'm being honest, I'm not sure they're all about Jasper."

"Well, let's talk about it," he replies, massaging his fingers down my tense arms and working to loosen the hold I have on myself. "I may not think we're ready to go all the way yet, but I'm sure as hell not interested in regressing. I consider you my girlfriend, and I don't want that to change."

The word girlfriend fills me with flutters, and they're the good kind. The ones that constantly remind me we're doing things right this go around, so I give in to his gentle prodding and shift so we're facing each other. "In my mind, I know I shouldn't have more expectations from our newly forming relationship than any other, but your ambiguous sexuality on top of our history makes it feel like there're more variables for me to be concerned about than a typical relationship would bring." His head bobs along with my words, but he doesn't say anything right away so I push forward. "And don't get me wrong, most of the time I don't even think along those lines, but that phone call brought it all back to the forefront."

He takes my hands and holds them between us. "I wish so much I could ease your mind on some of that stuff, but I don't have all the answers. I do know there's nothing but friendship between Jasper and me, and that's all it'll ever be."

"How can you be so sure?" I ask, genuinely interested in his thought process. "You were in a romantic relationship once, so how can you know those old feelings won't resurface?"

"That's a fair question," he concedes with a tilt of his head, "so I'll try to explain it to the best of my ability." He pauses and scrunches his face in thought. "Fuck, this is hard!" He chuckles uncomfortably as he claws a hand through his hair. "I've spent a lot of fucking time analyzing the me of the past in hopes that I can reconcile it with the now me, and I finally realized there aren't two versions. I'm simply a man who settled for safe and comfortable until one day he was knocked on his ass by the unexpected."

"Safe and comfortable," I repeat, pushing a curl behind my ear. "Do you really think that's all it was? Your relationship with Jasper?"

He bobs his head and looks over my shoulder for a moment before bringing his shame-filled eyes back to mine. "I guess to really understand, you should probably know more."

He turns then, reaching for our beers and passing me mine as he settles his back against the sofa and looks straight ahead. His tale starts with two little boys who met in kindergarten and became fast friends. It spans through skinny, pimpled years, braces and a shared comic book passion. The picture he paints is like thousands of others playing out across America on any random day.

He pauses to take a healthy swig of his beer before heaving a heavy sigh. "When we were fourteen, we discovered porn. At first it was a lot of drooling over shit we'd never imagined with some on-the-sly dick-palming, but as time passed and we grew more comfortable, it turned into self-pleasure obscured by our sleeping bags. It got to a point where discreetness was out the window. We both knew what the other was doing, and just watching porn was this big secret of ours anyway, so what did it matter if we were jacking off, ya know?" He shrugs as he cuts his eyes to mine for the first time.

I'm not sure if he's seeking an answer, but I lift my fingers and brush them along his jaw anyway. "I'm don't have a clue about young boys and their porn watching habits, but that level of comfort speaks of the ease you had with each other."

"Which is kinda my point in a round-about way, I think," he replies, sitting up straighter and setting his almost-empty bottle on the table before continuing his tale. "One day, I noticed Jasper was watching me instead of the computer as we, you know." He waves his hand and clams up for a second as he looks to the past. "At first it freaked me the fuck out, so I pretended I didn't notice, but as it continued I began to feel empowered by it. His actions didn't turn me on in the same way, but the look in his eyes and the power I had over him did." He snorts and shakes his head, turning my way. "We were fifteen by then and definitely trying to score with the girls, but they were never as easy or as satisfying as that alone time we spent."

I shift, setting my beer beside his and cupping his cheeks. "You know you don't have to justify your relationship with Jasper, right? I don't want you to diminish it because you think it'll make me happy."

"You're so fucking good, almost too good for me," he says, taking my hand and placing a soft kiss to my wrist. "But that's not what I'm doing. I'm not ashamed of anything I had with Jasper, hence my willingness to come out. I've just come to realize that what I had with him would've never been enough."

"And you don't think you'll feel the same with me one day?" Here it is, my greatest worry boiled down to only a single sentence.

He leans back and drags me with him, tossing his arm around my shoulder and tucking me close into his side. "I know I won't."

I entwine our fingers as I ponder his adamant response. "But how can you know something like that?" I finally ask. "A year ago, you were probably just as sure of Jasper."

His head teeter-totters as he considers my statement. "I never imagined my future with Jasper. We were together and I was happy, but that was as deep as it went. There were no talks over what came after college or even a definitive plan of coming out. With you, I see all that. Hell, I decided my future by coming here, and it's going to be wherever you are, as long as that's what you want too."

"You know I do," I say, tilting my head upward so he can see it in my eyes. "And if that means facing Jasper again, then so be it."

"Since you mentioned it …" He trails off with a warm laugh as I pinch his side, and it feels good. "I am semi-serious, though. I was hoping I could get you back to Chicago after Christmas, like last year."

"I'll think about it," I concede, sitting up quickly as a new thought strikes. "What about Thanksgiving? It's next week and we haven't even discussed our plans."

"Actually, I've already booked myself at The Lodge from Friday to Sunday," he says, shrugging sheepishly as my jaw drops open. "But don't start thinking I'm a stalker, I was going to bring it up tonight. I promise."

"What if I'm not going to Forks?" I ask, trying, and failing miserably, to pretend he's missing the mark. "I could be going anywhere."

His playful look fades as his eyes shift away, and is that embarrassment coloring his cheeks? "I, uh …" He pauses and tugs at the hair near his nape before sucking whatever has him bothered up and facing me. "When I contacted your dad to track you down, he sorta demanded I come introduce myself, _if_ I was able to win you back. I thought this would be a good time."

My eyes widen, and I imagine myself looking like a ridiculous cartoon character. "You spoke to Charlie?"

"How else was I supposed to know where you'd went?" He shrugs. "I knew he was the chief of police in Forks, and I even guessed you might've come to U-Dub, but I had to be sure, so I contacted him and begged for confirmation."

Something doesn't add up here. He spoke of his summer as if he knew where I was all along and even mentioned his mother buying this loft. "When was this?"

"Shortly after I got back to Chicago, why?"

"Because he didn't even mention it to me," I reply, recalling the serious conversations my father and I had. In fact, now that I think about it, he didn't press me for any information on the whys of my return.

"I asked him not to, if that makes any difference. I was so twisted up then. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I needed to know where you'd went. Please don't be mad at him," he says, begging me with his pretty eyes.

"I'm not upset," I reply, shaking my head. "It probably would've only made things worse to know you'd called."

"I'm sorry," he says, brushing his soft fingers along my jaw. "I was pretty frantic when I realized you'd changed schools. It fucked me up pretty good."

"I know the feeling, but I think giving us both space was the best route." I nuzzle into his touch and sigh. "What we're building now is pretty great."

"More than great," he says, dropping his hand and offering me his patented grin. "How about we scarf down some of this cold take-out while we firm up our Thanksgiving plans."

"Works for me," I agree, this time taking the carton of Kung Pao chicken when he holds it out. Once we're settled, I prop my feet on the coffee table. "I guess since you won't be in Forks until Friday, you're going to Chicago for Thanksgiving Day?"

"You know it," he replies after slurping down some noodles. "My mom really, really wanted to come to Seattle, but Dad has to work the nightshift, so I don't have a choice." He pauses, his eyes flicking toward where his phone is still hidden behind a take-out bag. "That's probably why Jasper called. He's wanting to introduce me to someone while I'm there. He won't say who, but judging by the excitement his voice every time we talk, I'd say it's someone important to him."

"That's nice," I say, shrugging. "But you don't have to keep me apprised of his relationship status or your conversations. Your friendship is something I'm going to have to accept, or you and me will never make it out of the gate."

Edward sets his empty carton on the table and turns to me. "You done with that?" I look at him and then it before holding it out with a nod. After shoving it to the table, he turns back with intent. A couple of shifts later, we're both settled against the sofa with my legs thrown across his lap. "I appreciate the sentiment, because without trust we're destined to fail, but I don't want you to ever think my friendship with Jasper is more important than my life goals with you. It'd hurt, but I'd absolutely lose it before I lose you."

"I'd never ask that of you," I murmur, lost in his honest greens. "If you're meant to be mine, no one can take that away."

He closes his eyes and rests his head against my shoulder. "Thank you."

My fingers find his coarse locks and gently roam through the thick strands. A sound similar to a purr rumbles from deep within his chest. Lifting his head, he attacks my lips. His tongue slips out to taste my skin and I open, inviting him inside. My hold on his hair goes from soft and sensual to tight and frantic. His spicy, hot breath clouds my mind and before either of us realize it, I've straddled his lap and we're full-on grinding on the sofa.

Bliss and desire rocket through me as I act on instinct instead of common sense. It's Edward's harsh growl and fingers tightening on my hips that finally bring levity to a situation that's quickly spiraling out of control.

"Fucking shit, Bella," he rasps, his breaths heavy on my neck. "We've got to stop meeting like this." His chuckle is strained, but it helps to lighten the atmosphere.

Taking ahold of my urges, I toss myself back to the spot beside him. I may even huff a little as I do so, but he doesn't hesitate to set me straight.

Gripping my jaw, he leans so very close. "I desire you more than I've ever desired anything in my life, but I want this to happen when we're both sure and not because we can't control our libidos."

I throw my arms around him and kiss him again because I can't help myself, but this time I stay in control of my lust-addled body. When we separate, our breathing has escalated and our bodies are close, but we're not lost in the haze.

"I want that too, Edward," I murmur, our faces inches apart. "Exactly that."

He tightens his hold around my body. "I'm so fucking in love with you, and I know you're not ready to believe that yet, but I can wait."

"But I do believe it," I whisper, my heart hammering. "I see it in your eyes, and it scares me."

"Why does it scare you?" he asks, bringing his large hand up to cup my cheek.

"Because what if it fades away?" I ask, nuzzling into his warmth. "What if I embrace it only to lose it in the future? It'd break me beyond repair."

"That's not fucking happening," he says firmly, pressing a pointed peck to the corner of my mouth. "But it's cool, we have time. We're just starting out, and I still have so much to prove. Let's just put it on hold and enjoy the now."

"I can do that." I smile, loving him too but not daring to utter the words.

* * *

 **For those who don't read Operation, sorry this was late. I took a week off writing, and it was hard to get this chapter going last week. For those who do read Operation, I'm working on the chapter now and it's posting will possibly rely on Killa and Bee's chapter (not this week's), so please be patient. We're both hard at work on our crossover details, though.**

 **See you in 2 weeks :)**


	10. Perfect

**Super special thanks to 2browneyes and Sunshine for reading this for me. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

Edward and I attend a frat party together on Saturday, and we spend Sunday at my apartment with Angela and Ben. Angela and I cook while the men chill in front of the TV, and it feels good to hang with friends and be a normal couple with no secrets or hiding.

Monday brings a friend of a different kind as Jake catches us at lunch to share some of the shots he's taken around the Seattle waterways. "I'm not super excited about any of them," he says, handing me a stack of glossy eight by ten portraits. "None of them jump out as _the one_ , ya know?"

"Hmm." I slowly flick through the photos. Each one is distinct, yet they all have the same feel, which I suppose could be what Jake means. Any one of them will match the concept of my story, but I have a feeling he's looking for perfection. "They're all really nice shots," I say, returning them to him. "They convey the subject of my story beautifully."

"They're a dime a dozen," he replies, flicking his bangs over so I can see the distaste he has for the images. "I want something new, exciting, rare, original at the very least."

"Maybe it's not the photos that need some originality," I muse, my brows furrowing.

"No, Bella," Jake starts, but I interrupt him.

"Hear me out here," I say, holding up my hand. "These images were captured after reading the first draft of my article. Maybe it needs a punch of originality, something meatier for you to work with."

"What ya thinking, babe?" Edward asks, joining the conversation. His cute endearment fills me with flutters.

"Nothing concrete," I reply, hiding my girlishness behind a shrug. "But I think we should make it a point to check out the beaches near Forks this week. So far, my article revolves around Seattle, but maybe it needs a personal touch."

"Oh yeah, that sounds good," he replies, giving me his usual boyish grin. "Maybe take a blanket and picnic, then later stroll hand in hand." He finishes with a wink.

"Whoa, whoa," Jake says, waving his hands wildly as he looks back and forth between us. "Let's skip the lovey dovey and talk about the article for a minute." His eyes settle on me. "You think one of these smaller, less populated beaches might have the money shot?"

"It's worth a look," I reply, the idea growing even as we discuss it. "It could actually be a perfect closing to what I already have. Go back to my roots, talk of the beaches I spent my childhood on and how they're also suffering. This is, of course, _if_ we can capture a real image."

"That does sound like a plan," Jake says, nodding. "When are you two heading that way?"

"My dad's picking me up at ten Wednesday morning," I answer, shifting my gaze to Edward. "And we'll be coming back together Sunday."

"You're not going Wednesday?" Jake swivels his head to Edward.

"Nah," he says on a sigh. "I won't be able to leave Seattle until after my flight comes in on Friday."

"Ahh, home for the holiday." Jake nods before turning to me. "How about I give you a lift Wednesday and we check out as many beaches as we can get to that afternoon."

"What about your Thanksgiving plans? The girlfriend already dumped ya?" Edward asks, and he's smirking, but his eyes spark with something else.

"Not at all," Jake says, waving him off. "I'm good. I'll get back late Wednesday, but I can sleep in since I don't have to be at her parents' house until three on Thursday."

"Sounds like you have it worked out then," I cut in, smiling brightly. "I'll let my father know I have a ride."

"Cool." Jake stands and taps the table. "Check you guys later."

"That was interesting," Edward remarks as Jake walks away.

"Interesting," I parrot, looking to him with a teasing grin. "I think it's a great idea. Hopefully we can get a nice shot and that'll leave our weekend free for … other things."

"Oh yeah," he says in a sinfully low voice, leaning closer. "And what might those things be?"

"Picnics, beach strolls and dinner with my father," I reply, watching as the teasing glint disappears from his eyes.

"Why'd you have to go and ruin it?" He fake pouts.

I giggle, standing and shouldering my book bag. "Come on, pouty, walk me to class."

We don't get together Monday or Tuesday evening, as our workload leading into the holiday weekend is heavy, but I make a point to stop by his condo after my only class Wednesday morning.

"Hey, babe." He answers the door still rubbing his sleepy eyes. "I didn't know you'd be by or I'd have made you breakfast or something."

"No need." I step inside and throw my arms around his midsection, hugging him close. "I just wanted to see you before I left."

He kicks the door closed with his foot and pulls me so tightly against him that my feet leave the ground. "Fuck yes," he mumbles, his nose buried in my hair.

When he settles me back to my feet, his pretty green eyes connect with mine for only a second before his lips are on mine. His fingers grip the base of my neck, and he bends my head into submission. His taste invades my senses. The roughness in his touch sends sparks shooting down my spine. The softness of his lips makes me light-headed.

Everything about him drives me wild with want.

And my perfect man senses it, softening his hold and slowing the heated kiss. The pecks are gentle and reverent as he frames my face with his strong hands and pulls away to gaze at me with shiny, happy eyes.

"I needed that," he murmurs, pecking the corner of my mouth. "Is it horrible of me to wish I didn't have to go?"

"She's your mom, of course you have to go," I say softly, fingering the collar of his shirt. "I'll see you in two days."

"I'll be counting the minutes," he whispers.

"So will I."

Jake's already parked outside my apartment building when Edward returns me on the way to his only class of the day. "Give me a sec and let me grab my case," I tell Jake as I climb from Edward's car.

"I got it, babe," Edward says, walking around to stand before me. "You go ahead and get settled, and I'll be right back." He kisses me then, hard and fast, a tight push of his lips against mine. He doesn't open and neither do I, but everything he's trying to express is there. "I'll see you in Forks."

"Can't wait," I murmur as he backs away.

Ten minutes later Jake and I are on the road. Four hours after that we've already driven through Forks and are parked at Rialto Beach. It's not one I've frequented as much, but it's beautiful and a good place to start. We're quiet as we meander north toward the famed Hole in the Wall. It's known for its amazing tide pools, and to find it contaminated would be sad for the environment, but a perfect example of why I'm writing this article in the first place.

Taking our time, Jake snaps photos constantly with only a few of them being candidates for the project. The mile and half trek seems to go by in a flash as the scenery keeps us occupied. Sadly enough, Jake is able to capture a few images while we're there, but my focus is on plastics and the tide pools are clear of it.

It's late afternoon by the time we get back to Jake's car. "That took longer than I thought," I comment, settling in the passenger seat. "Let's go to First Beach next. I'm more familiar with the area and we should be able to check it out before the sun sets."

"Lead the way," he says, backing the car from our spot. "A few of those were good shots, but I'm hoping we can find a stand out. We're definitely on the right track, though, moving away from Seattle."

"Oh, you think so?" I ask, curious of his thoughts. "Take your next right."

"Sure," he says, glancing my way. "An image is more haunting when it depicts the disruption of what people perceive as a peaceful place. Seattle is expected to have the issues you speak of in your article, but not out here." He shrugs. "Maybe it'll spur someone into action."

"That would be amazing," I muse, getting lost in my thoughts.

Aside from giving directions, we don't speak much the rest of the drive. When we arrive, we're quick to get out of the car and I lead the way. The ocean winds are strong on this cold, November afternoon, but it doesn't deter us. Jake keeps his camera at the ready, snapping shot after shot as we walk along the beach.

After looking through several tide pools without much luck, we're both excited and saddened when Jake points to a deep purple sea star with two of its points entangled in a plastic six pack holder.

"Let me get a couple of shots and then you can remove it," Jake says, stopping my arm as I reach toward it.

"Duh," I say, shaking my head at myself. "It's such a sad sight, though."

He works quickly, circling it from all sides and twisting his camera at every angle. "All done," he says, pulling the camera from his eye and stashing it in the case hanging at his side. "Let's help this little guy now."

In no time at all, we set the sea star free and are already walking back toward the car with the offensive piece of plastic in hand. "There's going to be some great shots here," Jake says, patting the case at his side. "I can't wait to get home and start developing them."

"You have a dark room?"

"Of course I do." He flicks his hair and gives me an affronted look. "Anyone who's seriously into photography does."

"That's really cool," I say, even more impressed than I was before. "Let's get together early next week and select the shot. That way I can mold the finishing touches of my article to coincide perfectly with the image."

"Works for me," he replies, hitting the key fob to unlock the doors. "We did good today."

"We did." I smile, opening the passenger door and climbing inside.

It's no time at all before Jake is dropping me at my dad's house and taking off on his way back to Seattle. He's anxious to get in his dark room, and that's a good sign for me. His attitude toward this project has been amazing and his dedication has been absolute.

Thanksgiving passes as it usually does with my dad and me. His shift starts at two, so we eat earlier in the day. The meal isn't the grand spread most have but it's still a lot of food for two people. Just as we're finishing, I take a minute to remind him about dinner at the lodge the following night.

He pushes his plate away and sighs. "I take it things are going good between you two then?"

"They are," I say, unable to hold back my smile. "They're more like they should be this time around."

"As opposed to last time?" he asks, lifting a thick, bushy brow.

"Yeah," I say, my smile fading. "There were some kinks that needed working out."

"Kinks," he repeats thoughtfully, standing and grabbing his plate. "I don't have a clue what those kinks were and they're none of my business, but I could tell you were hurting when you came back." He comes over and grabs my plate, setting it on top of his. "I'm just glad to see you smiling again."

"Thanks, Dad."

I give him a larger than usual smile as I stand and start clearing the table. It isn't long before he's off to work and I'm kicked back on the sofa flipping through the channels. Later that evening, a couple of my friends from the reservation stop by and I feed them leftover turkey sandwiches while we catch up on each other's lives.

Friday dawns crisp and sunny, and I'm up early to make Dad breakfast before his ten o'clock shift. "What time are you expecting Edwin today?"

"You know that's not his name," I say, eyeing him across the table. "And his flight is scheduled to land at one, so hopefully he'll be in Forks by six."

He nods, folding his newspaper and shoving it under his arm as he stands. "All right, then. I'll meet you at The Lodge after my shift."

"Eight o'clock," I call to his retreating back.

"Can't wait," he deadpans, giving me a look as he backs out the door and closes it behind him.

I chuckle under my breath as I get up and start cleaning the kitchen. My father's a very reserved man, quiet and firm, but apparently under all that gruffness he's more understanding than I give him credit for. This is my life, and he's allowing me to live it in a way that makes me happy with no judgement on his part.

After cleaning the dishes and packaging some leftovers, I head next door to spend a couple hours with Ms. Cope. While I'm there, we bake pies and I bask in the motherly attention she's always heaped on me. She's not as reserved as my father, wanting all the details of my new beau, and I give them to her.

By the time I get home, it's already late afternoon, so I head straight to the shower. I'm quick to get cleaned up and it's a good thing. As soon as I shut off the water, there's a rap on the bathroom door.

"Bella," Edward calls, and my heart starts racing. "You in there?"

"I'm here," I call, frantically drying my body and looking around for my clothes. "Shit."

"Everything okay?" he asks, worry lacing his tone.

"I, uh … My clothes are in my room," I call through the door. "Could you wait for me downstairs?"

"Fuck, Bella," he rasps, and it's as if I can feel his breath against my skin. "I so didn't need that visual. It makes me want to break down this fucking door." I reach for the knob without thought, but it refuses to turn. "No, babe, I'm not coming in." His voice is low, regretful. "I'll be outside on the steps. The _very cold_ steps."

His feet thunder against the stairs, and a burst of anticipation simmers across my skin. This feeling of being desired but also treasured is an aphrodisiac like no other. I'm not sure when we'll have our moment, but there's no doubt it's going to be more explosive than either of us can imagine.

I rush to my room and hurry into my bra and panties before throwing on the blue sweater-dress I've left laying across the bed. My hair's still wet, so I put a towel back on my head and slip on my house shoes before hurrying downstairs. I find him just where he said, on the porch, though I'm surprised to see Ms. Cope chatting him up.

"There's our girl," she says, beaming at me as I open the door. "I'm sorry if I caused a problem, ushering him on inside before. I just thought you were in your room and couldn't hear him knocking."

My eyes narrow at her innocent expression. "I see," I say, crossing my arms and lifting a brow. "I thought I said I was going to take a shower when I left your house."

"Oh, goodness no," Shelly replies, palming her chest. "I must've misheard you. You know these old ears and all."

I laugh, shaking my head. "I do know."

"Well don't let me keep you," she says, motioning for Edward to stand. "It was nice to meet you, Edward. Maybe I'll see you around again."

"Only if I'm lucky," Edward replies, taking her outstretched hand and kissing the back of it. "It was a pleasure."

Ms. Cope gives me a no-so-hidden nod of approval before turning to make her way back to her own house. Edward and I both watch her go, me with a fond smile and him with a thoughtful expression.

"She did that on purpose, didn't she?" he asks, shifting his focus to me.

"Most likely," I answer, grabbing his elbow to drag him inside. "But I forgive her. The foreplay's nice."

Edward stumbles inside behind me, but by the time I've closed the door he's regained his composure enough to press my back firmly against it. "It's fucking killing me," he growls, kissing me firmly. "But it's worth it. _We're_ worth it. When I finally have you again, there'll be no turning back, no insecurities. It'll be nothing but you and me and the rest of our lives."

"Do you really think that?" I whisper, his confidence stunning me.

"Yes," he answers decisively, staring directly into my eyes. "Every day I wake up and you're my first thought. Seeing you, texting you, talking on the phone with you are all things I crave. I've never felt this way about anything before."

His words are passionate, sure, full of confidence and strength, and I'm tired of questioning them. _Us._ I feel the exact same way. When I think of my future, he's always there. When I'm with him, my insides go crazy. Right this second, I want to crawl under his skin and become a part of him.

"I feel the same way, Edward," I murmur softly, brushing my fingers along his jaw. "I want you so bad, but I don't want to rush at the same time. This is our future we're building, and I want it to be perfect."

"Any future with you is perfect," he murmurs, pressing his mouth to mine, and I'm a soft, gooey puddle as his lips echo his words.

The kiss is slow and leisurely.

Perfect.

As his lips move away, I grip his nape to keep him close. "Promise me we'll always feel this way."

"I'd rather promise that it only gets better." His voice is low and seductive, and I feel like I might overheat.

"If we didn't have somewhere to be soon …" I trail off, leaving my eyes to deliver the promise.

"Speaking of …" He grins then, his bright green eyes roaming my face before straying to the top of my head. "Your father may not be very pleased if we show up to dinner still in your slippers and with your hair wet."

"Ugh." I drop my forehead on his shoulder as I remember my half-dressed state. "I should probably finish getting ready, huh?"

He trails his fingers along my sides. "At the very least, a change of shoes might be in order."

I lift my head, loving that he hasn't backed away yet, and meet his eyes. "Want to see my room?"

"Desperately," he murmurs, his fingers pausing to grip tightly at my sides. "But I can only take so much temptation in one day." With a resigned breath, he presses a kiss to my forehead and steps back. "I'll be on the sofa."

My head lolls against the door as I watch him walk away. The sight is as sexy as it's always been, and this time I feel fuller than ever before. There's no uncertainty, nervousness or hurt from the past lingering around.

There's only us, and it's amazing.

* * *

 **All right, guys, I'm** _ **considering**_ **joining the Babies at the Border Compilation. I've not done it so far because I have 2 stories that I'm writing as they post, so it's a lot on my plate. But this cause is important to me, and I'd love to be a part of it.** _ **If**_ **I can come up with an idea, I'll have to hit the pause button for a week or so while I write it. We'll just have to see. But you know me and I don't not post, so I'll be working hard, if I do write for it, to get back here and finish these lovebirds off.**

 **See you soon :)**


	11. Dinner with Dad

**Super special thanks to 2browneyes and Sunshine1220 for giving this a quick run through to point out errors. All mistakes are mine.**

* * *

 **Previously on The Safe Bet:**

"If we didn't have somewhere to be soon …" I trail off, leaving my eyes to deliver the promise.

"Speaking of …" He grins then, his bright green eyes roaming my face before straying to the top of my head. "Your father may not be very pleased if we show up to dinner still in your slippers and with your hair wet."

"Ugh." I drop my forehead on his shoulder as I remember my half-dressed state. "I should probably finish getting ready, huh?"

He trails his fingers along my sides. "At the very least, a change of shoes might be in order."

I lift my head, loving that he hasn't backed away yet, and meet his eyes. "Want to see my room?"

"Desperately," he murmurs, his fingers pausing to grip tightly at my sides. "But I can only take so much temptation in one day." With a resigned breath, he presses a kiss to my forehead and steps back. "I'll be on the sofa."

My head lolls against the door as I watch him walk away. The sight is as sexy as it's always been, and this time I feel fuller than ever before. There's no uncertainty, nervousness or hurt from the past lingering around.

There's only us, and it's amazing.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 11:**

As we make our way to The Lodge to meet Charlie for dinner, I point out the diner where I worked as a teen and the high school where I spent my geeky years. Edward drives along, completely at ease, acting interested in every small detail.

It surprises me that he can be so relaxed. Curious, I turn to him. "You seem calm for someone who's about to officially meet his girlfriend's father."

He glances at me and swiftly cuts his eyes back to the road, a boyish grin curving his lips. "Why shouldn't I be? Every father only wants what's best for their daughter, and I fully intend to treat you with nothing but decency and respect. Once the chief realizes that, I can't imagine him holding a grudge."

"That's curious." I sit up straighter and give the side of his head my full attention. "Why do you think he'd hold a grudge?"

He shrugs, tilting his head as he considers his response. "I don't expect him to be happy with me, _at first_ , but I'd like to think I can sway him with my sincerity."

"You plan on telling him?" I blurt, shocked he'd share our rocky past so easily. "I don't think it's any of his business."

"Maybe not," he says, glancing over with a soft expression, "but it's important to me. I plan on being around for a long time, and it seems"—he pauses, searching for the right word—" _wrong_ to keep it from him." He glances at me again, holding my eye for just a beat longer. "It also feels wrong here." He taps his chest. "I'm not ashamed, and I won't hide it, especially from your father."

Conflicting feelings stir inside me. I'm soft and gooey at Edward's idea of our longevity, but at the same time, I fear for my father. He's a no-nonsense man who thinks everything falls into neat little stacks, so this information might, quite literally, test the bounds of his acceptance.

I unbuckle my seatbelt as we pull into the lot and press my lips against Edward's cheek as he parks. "You know I'm with you, right?" His eyes fall closed, and he shifts the car into park, turning to me with his pretty greens. "My dad's a great guy who trusts me enough to choose my own path, so I definitely don't see him holding the past against you."

Warm lips close over mine, and I sigh into his mouth as my tongue snakes out to connect with his. The kiss is slow and easy and a firm reassurance of our connection. It exemplifies everything we are—calm and careful with an intense spark of passion.

He breaks away and tenderly pushes his forehead against mine. "You know that feeling we still aren't acknowledging?" I nod, holding my breath. "I feel like I might explode if I don't express it."

My eyes fall closed, and a swell of emotion threatens to choke me, causing them to swiftly pop back open. "I love you, too, Edward." I kiss him firmly. "So much."

"Jesus," he mutters, closing his arms around me and burying his face into my neck. "I love you so fucking much, Bella. I promise I won't let you down."

"I trust you." I pull away and give him a playful push. "Now come around and open a girl's door."

He gives me that sexy sideways grin and slips from the car. He rounds it quickly, opening my door and grabbing my jacket from my lap. He holds it up, and I step out, slipping my arms into the sleeves and nestling closer into his side.

It doesn't take long for us to be seated at a booth along the far wall and our drink orders taken. "Don't look now," I murmur, watching as the hostess points in our direction, "but my dad's here."

Edward's eyes widen, but then he gathers himself and stands. "Chief Swan," he says. "It's great to finally meet you in person, sir."

My dad's face stays impassive as he takes Edward's outstretched hand. "Edward," he replies, giving him a nod. "I'll withhold judgment on whether I agree with that sentiment until later."

"Daddy," I scold, motioning to the other bench. "Sit, and stop trying to be rude."

"It's cool, Bella," Edward says, retaking his seat and linking our hands together on the table. "I agree with the chief on this one. I don't mind being put under a microscope before being given the all clear."

"Hmph." Charlie picks up his menu, which I'm sure he has memorized, and scans it, doing his best to portray the protective father, but I know better.

I shift my gaze to Edward and roll my eyes. "Don't mind him. This is just his tough father act."

Charlie's mustache twitches as he lays his menu on the table. "She's mostly right," he agrees, zeroing in on Edward, "but I'm much less likely to look the other way if my daughter runs home again because you've hurt her."

"Not happening," Edward says with a definitive nod. "Bella means everything to me."

The waitress interrupts at that moment, setting a glass of Sprite before me and two Rainier beers before the men. "Hey, sugar," she says, smiling at my dad. "I saw you join them and thought you'd want the usual."

"Thanks, Sue," Dad replies, avoiding eye contact with her as he motions toward me. "This is Bella."

She turns to me with a beaming smile. "Hi, Bella. I've been looking forward to meeting you. The chief talks about you all the time." She takes out her little pad and jots down something. "You two ready to order, or do you need more time?"

"Nice to meet you, Sue," I say, giving my dad a curious look. "I think we're ready. I know I am."

Edward and I place our orders, me a burger and fries and him a grilled chicken salad, before passing our menus back to Sue. She smiles brightly and turns to my dad, taking his menu also, but never once asking for his order.

My brows furrow, but I remain silent until she's moved away. "Are you skipping dinner?"

He grunts, popping the top to his beer. "She knows my order," he mumbles as he lifts the can to his mouth, downing about half of it to end the discussion.

"I see." I shrug, hiding my smile. "That's cool. I'm glad you have people looking out for you."

"Right." He sits up straighter and looks to Edward. "So tell me more about yourself, son. Are you someone I can count on to look after Bella while she's away?"

"Absolutely, sir." Edward nods emphatically, and I reach over, linking our hands to calm him slightly. He takes a deep breath and gives me a thankful smile before turning back to my father. "My family is from Chicago, and I've attended Brown for the past three years. I'm Pre-Med."

Charlie breaks in with a whistle. "I'm impressed, but does that mean you're off to med school after graduating." His eyes shift to me and then back to Edward, conveying a message that comes across loud and clear.

"Yes, sir." But when my father's eyes narrow, Edward realizes his mistake. "I mean, yes, I start med school next year, but if Bella's in Seattle, med school is in Seattle, too."

"That's more like it." My dad bobs his head. "And it's not that I'm opposed to you going wherever. I just see no point in jumping into something with Bella when you already have plans to leave again."

"No, sir." Edward gives a definitive shake of his head. "This fall, I bought a condo and drove to Seattle to attend U-Dub with your daughter. I didn't know if she'd even talk to me, but the potential reward far outweighed the cost. He turns, meeting my eyes. "It's the best decision I've ever made." My insides turn to mush as he turns back to Charlie. "I'm fully committed to a life here if that's what Bella wants."

Sue chooses that moment to reappear, cutting off any cheesy response I might have. "Here you go, sugar." She places my plate down and gives me a smile before doing the same for Edward. "Can I get you another beer?" she asks him.

"No thank you." Her waves her off. "Can I get a Coke instead?"

"Sure thing, hon." She smiles and turns to my dad. "And here you are, Chief. I'll be right back with another beer."

"What?" my dad asks as she walks away, reading my expression as if I'd spoken the words. "I eat here at least once a week." He lifts his fork and starts mixing the toppings into his baked potato, brushing aside my curiosity. "Now, back to you, Edward." He points to him with his fork. "Something pretty serious must've happened in Providence because it sent my daughter running from an Ivy League college. What if something like that happens again? Where does she have left to run if you ruin it for her here?"

I nearly choke on a sip of Sprite as I hurry to set down my glass. "Dad," I say, my tone an admonishment, but Edward places his palm on my thigh under the table.

"It's okay," he says softly before facing my father with a determined set to his jaw. "I fucked up, Mr. Swan." His tone is angry, but he shakes it off and pushes forward in a robotic tone. "Bella and I had been friends for years, so that's why it caught me so off guard when I fell for her. It was unexpected, but she made me feel things I'd never felt before."

Dad waves him off as he goes to lift his beer again. "I don't need the details, son. I just need to know it won't happen again." He puts the can to his lips to take another long swallow.

"You need to know it all," Edward says, his voice back to that angry tone. "I was with someone else, and Bella had no idea. I had a boyfriend, and we hid it from everyone. I cheated on him with your daughter."

Charlie chokes as he slams the can on the table, coughing heavily and waving his hands frantically. "No," he rasps in between heavy breaths. "I don't want to hear this."

"I'm sorry," Edward says, trudging onward. "It's not something I feel comfortable keep—"

"Stop, son. _Please_ ," my father says, pounding his chest with his fist as he clears his throat. "While I don't think cheating is acceptable, I trust Bella's judgment. If she's speaking to you again, then she must find you worthy." He shakes his head and props his elbows on the table, leaning in. "I'm nowhere prepared to try and understand the situation you're describing, but it sounds like a bad one."

"It was, sir." Edward's eyes fall to his barely touched plate. "I destroyed us all, but we've given it time, and I think everyone involved is moving forward now." He lifts his head, his eyes finding mine. "I know I'm exactly where I want to be."

Flutters take up residence in my stomach, and a soft smile curves my lips. "Me too."

My dad hacks out a loud cough. "Okay, that's settled then." He stabs a bite of steak. "I prefer to stay uninvolved, so don't make me have to interfere."

"No, sir," Edward says, taking my hand and kissing my wrist. "Bella's it for me." My smile stretches even wider as I gaze at his pretty face.

"Good," Dad says, shifting his focus to me. "Now, let's move on to a more palatable subject. How's your article coming along, Bella?"

I tear my eyes away from Edward. "It's great, actually. I've decided to personalize it, and I think Jake took some amazing shots."

"He the boy that gave you the ride down?"

"The one and only." I nod, dipping a fry in ketchup. "He's a talented photographer."

"Do you think he got the money shot?" Edward asks before shoving a bite of his salad into his mouth.

"I think so." My head bobs a couple time as I lift my burger. "He'll email me some proofs when he gets them developed. He had Thanksgiving plans yesterday."

Edward nods, watching me as I take a bite out of the double bacon cheeseburger and smirking when the juice runs down the side of my mouth. "You have something …" he murmurs, trailing off as his thumb slips up to wipe away the grease.

His eye are burning as they glance between his thumb and my lips. I quickly swallow the burger in anticipation of his lips connecting with mine. He's slowly leaning forward, as if pulled by a magnet, and I ache for the feeling of completion his kiss always brings.

"Hey! Hey!" Charlie's hand shoots out, waving between us. "We're at dinner here."

Edward snaps out of his trance and pulls back, leaving me yearning for the feel of his mouth on mine. Begrudgingly, I turn my attention back to my dad, but I don't get to say anything right away because Sue is dropping another beer in front of him.

"Here ya go, hon." The quirk of her eyebrow as she props her hand on her hip is curious. "That's the last one for tonight, but I can bring something else, if you'd like?" She swivels her head. "Any of ya?"

"No, thank you." I smile, my eyes intent on my dad and the interaction between the two of them.

"I'll take a refill on Coke," Edward says, handing her his glass.

She winks at my dad before swaying her hips across the room to the drink station, and his eyes follow her every move. An unintentional giggle slips out, and those dark browns, so like my own, snap my way.

"Can I help you?" He says it in an exaggerated way, and his mustache twitches excessively.

"Do I need to give Miss Sue an interview of my own?" I ask, crossing my arms and trying but failing to look stern. I'm actually glad to see him doing things that don't revolve around work.

"Bellaaaa," he whines, and you'd think I'm the adult here and he's a petulant teenager.

Edward chuckles from beside me. "I think it's best you deny it altogether, Chief."

I crack up, shoving my shoulder into Edward's. "Thanks a lot."

He grabs me in his strong arms. "You know I was only playing along, right? Lying to you is never a good option, and I know this from experience."

His words are sweet, and they only add to my ever-crumbling resistance, but I don't need constant apology. It's okay to joke around at my expense, and yes, even about a touchy subject. I'm just happy to see him comfortable enough with my dad to cut up at all.

"Relax," I say softly. "It's time we scrap the egg shells. I knew exactly what you meant."

He blows out a relieved breath, a smirk lifting as Sue sets down a fresh glass of Coke before giving my dad her full attention again. "You want a piece of pie or all you all set for tonight?"

For the first time since Sue appeared, my dad smirks as he looks at her. "I think I'll have my dessert a little later."

She doesn't shy away either, her cheeks burning bright red as she answers. "Works for me, Chief."

I clear my throat, not ready to witness my dad setting up his night cap with our waitress. "Everything was wonderful, Sue. Thank you for taking care of us."

"My pleasure, Bella. I'm so happy I finally got the chance to meet you." She focuses back on my dad. "Are you ready for the check?"

Charlie lifts a brow toward Edward and me. "Do either of you want anything else?"

"I'm good," Edward replies, spearing his last bite of chicken.

"Me too," I respond, leaning back at patting my stomach. "There's no way I can eat the rest of this burger."

"Oh, honey, let me pack that up for you." Without waiting, she grabs my plate and whisks off to transfer my food to a to-go container.

"She seems great, Dad."

He squirms a little but nods as he answers. "She is pretty great, but it's new, so I don't want you getting all gaga over it."

"Hey, no pressure here."

"Good." He smirks and cast his eyes to my boyfriend. "It _was_ nice to meet you, Edward. From the look and sound of it, you know what you want now, and I'm thankful." He jabs a finger his way. "Don't fuck it up again."

I gasp, unaccustomed to hearing my dad use that tone of voice. "Daddy," I chastise softly. "That's unnecessary."

He shifts his stern gaze back to me, softening slightly. "I hope so, but I still feel the need to make it clear."

"I understand, Chief." Edward holds his hand across the table, offering it to my dad. "I'm going to make you proud to have me in your daughter's life."

"I'm proud now, son." He gives Edward a firm shake. "All I want is to see Bella happy, and she is."

"Very happy," I echo, leaning my head on Edward's shoulder.

Sue pops back in with my to-go container and a secretive smile for my dad. "I'm off in twenty."

"I'll be around."

"Here you go, Bella. Maybe we'll see each other again before you head back to Seattle." She starts collecting dishes from the table.

"Maybe we will." I return her smile.

My dad gives her the check with his bank card, and she shoves it under her arm while balancing our empty plates and beer cans in her hands. "Be right back."

After she's gone, Edward turns and asks if I'd like to take a walk. The lodge is located on the edge of a nature preserve, and they have a lighted trail that leads to an outlook over the Bogachiel River. Even though it's dark already, the spot is a big attraction for those who stay here, and the sound of a rushing river is always majestic.

"I'd love to," I respond, not having been down the trail in years. "Are you okay here, Dad?"

"You two go ahead. I think I'll wait around until Sue's off."

I smile as I stand and round the table, giving him a one-armed hug and a kiss to the cheek. "Love you. Don't wait up."

He snorts. "Maybe I should say the same to you."

I cover my ears in jest. "Please don't."

All of us get a good laugh as Edward takes my hand. "It was nice meeting you, Chief."

"Same here."

Edward leads me outside and past the signs that point out the pathway. I snuggle under his arm and into his side as the chilled air nips at the bare part of my legs between the dress hem and the top of my boots.

I shiver, and his arm tightens. "Is it too cold for you? We can always go back to my room."

"It is a bit chilly, but lets at least check out the overlook."

He pulls me even closer and picks up the pace. When we make it to the overlook, we aren't alone. Another hotel patron, I assume, is out here, and he's smoking a cigarette. Before I can stop him, he thumbs the butt over the rail.

Rage consumes me. "Why did you do that?" I demand, unable to stop my lips from moving.

"Chill, lady. It'll dissolve," he says, brushing me off and heading for the trail.

"Human trash is killing our waterways, I'll have you know," I yell to his retreating back.

"Calm down, tiger," Edward murmurs into my ear, and I feel Zen almost immediately. "People suck."

I turn in his arms. "They do, but every now and then, one can come back from major suckage."

His eyes twinkle and his lips twitch. "That's one lucky fucker."

"It goes both ways."

In no time at all, Edward is unlocking the door to his room at The Lodge. The business is fashioned after an old cabin with large wooden beams and pine slats, with the main floor holding the reception, a large open commons room and the restaurant. There's a central grand staircase that leads up to two floors of rooms. His is on the top floor, the next to the last to the left.

It's nothing fancy, most likely way less than someone like Edward is accustomed to, but it's clean with shiny wood-looking linoleum floors, crisp white walls, and wooden-esque furniture that goes along with the theme of the whole building.

"Here we are," Edward says, stepping to the side so I can enter behind him. "Plenty space for me to spend a couple days."

Uninterested in the room, I turn to him and press my body against his. "I expect you to spend every waking hour with me, so this room is nothing but a placeholder."

Pressing against his chest, I back him into the door and attack his lips. Every cell within me is screaming for me to strip him and demand he take me to bed, but even I'm mature enough to admit that when my dad is expecting me home might not be the best time to finally reconnect.

"Fuck," he moans, pulling away to kiss across my jaw. His hands cup my ass and pull me against his hardness. "You feel so fucking good."

I'm unable to reply, fisting his hair and attacking his neck with my teeth and tongue. I hitch my leg across his thigh, bringing our pelvises even closer on the next thrust, and my eyes flutter closed at the absolute pleasure that moves through me.

Maybe we _can_ find a way to balance the ache until we're ready to take the final step. "Clothes on." I mutter against his warm neck. "Take me to bed."

He pauses and pulls back, his lust-filled eyes conflicted. "I …"

"It's okay," I breathe, my chest heaving. "We stay fully dressed."

It only takes him five seconds to make up his mind, and we each attack, kissing and walking and rubbing and tumbling once we reach the bed. We land in a heap of breathlessness and laughs.

But something else quickly draws our attention. A sudden steady tapping sounds on the far wall. It beats a steady staccato, and if I didn't know any better I might assume it's a headboard—but surely not?

My eyes widen and scan to Edward's, and his expression matches what I assume my own looks like. I snicker quietly and bury my face into his heavenly scented neck. His hand runs the length of my side as a quiet chuckle echoes.

"That surely isn't, right?" I ask, lifting my head.

"Let's hope the fuck n—"

"Right there," a woman's voice urges. "So good."

A man grunts, and now my eyes are the size of saucers. The bed taps a mesmerizing beat against the wall as it's all too clear what's going on in the room beside us, and I think it can't get any worse.

It does.

"That's it, Chief," she moans. "I'm gonna … I'm gonna … Charlieeeee …"

I get up and run from Edward's room with him right behind me. Good think we didn't start undressing.

* * *

 **Hi, guys! Long time, no see, and I apologize. Just a quick heads up; if you follow Fyregirl Fics on FB, you'll never have to wonder if/when I'm going to update—** _ **if**_ **I ever drop off like this again. This was a first, so I hope I get a pass. I'll get to work on the next chapter Thursday and keep you updated on my FB page. ***Also, The Lodge details are all my own.**

 **Now, for me, the reason I was gone so long is super exciting. My Babies at the Border compilation piece turned into my first completely original (non fanfic) OF.**

 **RUSH will be live at midnight tonight, and you can order him now from Amazon :) … search "RUSH by Faye Byrd."**

 **The best way to describe it is to give you a peek.**

"All done," I say, standing and pushing the tray to the side. "Let me take a look at this injury over your eye so I can determine if it'll need stitches as well."

"It'll be fine," he says, shifting away. "Besides, girls like a bad boy with a nasty scar, right?"

I pause, my hand hovering above his face, conflicted. The question is rhetorical, but it's also scornful and full of contempt. Taking a chance, I grip his chin and angle his head where I need it to begin the examination. He doesn't balk as my fingers poke and prod his brow, but he does stare at me, his hazel eyes darkening to a deep blue.

"Careful, doctor," he murmurs, his voice so low it's practically a whisper. "You're playing with fire."

I freeze, my eyes jumping to his. "Meaning?"

He grins, and it's salacious. "My body naturally reacts when a beautiful woman is close."

I stare at him blankly for a second before I straighten, withdrawing my hands and trailing my eyes down his body. They freeze before they make it to their destination, though, as a long swath of dried blood sweeps across the lower abdomen area of his T-shirt.

"Do you have another stab?" I ask, frantically reaching for the hem. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shove it up to reveal a long but much shallower cut. A good eight inches, at least. Relieved it isn't a major threat, I allow my eyes to trail over the colorful images that cover his ribcage and disappear under his T-shirt. Even stained with blood, I'm awed by the beauty even as I wonder what the abstract pattern represents.

"You're not helping," he growls, gripping the edges of the table.

I freeze, gasping as I realize my fingers are gently tracing the colorful lines. I snatch them away and allow my eyes to finish their downward journey, using the ink as a road map. The shapes grow progressively smaller as they blend into another image I'm unable to see beneath his loosened waistband, but one thing is openly apparent.

He's hard.

Very hard.

 **I'd love to have your support if you think my writing is worth 3 bucks, and as always, anyone who wants but isn't in the position to purchase RUSH, please PM me, and I'll send you an ARC in exchange for an honest review.**

 **See you soon … for real :)**


	12. Above the Clutter

**Shout out to my girls, 2browneyes and Sunshine1220, for reading through this before I slap it up on FF :P**

* * *

Alice lets out a gasp that ricochets through the phone and bounces off the walls of my room. "No!"

"Please tell me you're joking," Rosalie says, and she shifts the phone, bringing it so close I can only see her face.

"I wish I could."

It starts with a snort before peals of laughter break out between the girls. The phone bounces, giving me small peeks of their over the top reactions. I sigh, allowing them a moment to get it out of their system. I can see where someone might find it funny, as I would've if it happened to someone else. As it is now, I'm scarred for life.

"All right. Knock it off," I say after several minutes of enduring their uncontrollable laughter. "It was awful, guys." I'm whining now, but I can't help it.

"Wait a minute," Alice says, grabbing the phone, her eyes wide. "When did you say this happened?"

"Friday." I sound like a petulant kid.

"Oh my God," she responds, the last part coming out muffled as her hand covers her mouth.

"You had to stay with him for two more days," Rose clarifies, taking the phone and pulling it back so I can see both of them. "How were you able to face him and not lose your shit?"

"Does he _know_ you heard them?" Alice asks, seemingly horrified by the prospect.

"No," I say, practically yelling it in my stress. It's bad enough that I heard what I did, but add in my dad knowing, and I think I'd have to disown him. "He has no idea, and it'll stay that way."

"So what did you do when you saw him?" Rose asks, and she's oddly entranced by the whole horrid episode. "How could you look at him and not puke, or turn red, or burst out laughing?"

Charlie's grunt echoes in the confines of my head, and I squint my eyes closed to push away the image my mind wants to conjure. It's an awful feeling to know that just by remembering the incident at all, my psyche will add images to go with the sound, even though I've never seen either of them without clothes.

"I avoided eye contact as much as possible," I say, sighing heavily. "My dad's not a real talker anyway, but I think he noticed how much time I spent with Edward, even though I was supposed to be there to visit him." I scrub my hand through my hair. "I couldn't stop my face from burning red every time I was around him."

"And Edward?" Alice asks. "How did he do?"

"It's obviously different for men." I roll my eyes. "Don't get me wrong. He was quick to follow me out the door, but I think he was embarrassed more than grossed out. By Sunday, I'm pretty sure he might've even been proud of Charlie." I shake my head. "Anyway, it was weird and gross and awful, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to put it behind me."

"Oh, Bella," Alice says, and her voice is soft, sympathetic. "It'll be okay. The time between now and Christmas will give you the opportunity to lock it away somewhere to never be remembered again."

"I don't know," I hedge, fighting off that ugly image that always wants to surface. "It feels like it'll never go away."

"Sure it will," Rose breaks in, her tone brisk, no-nonsense. "Besides, that's what we're here for."

She changes the subject easily, going into a story about Emmett and his new obsession with the gym. He's always been a big guy, but apparently he's turning into a "wall of muscle," and that comes with its own problems. Like unexpectedly breaking things. She talks of how he tore the knob off their apartment door and shut a cabinet door hard enough to split the wood. By the time she's done mimicking him after each incident, I'm holding my sides from laughing so hard.

"Can you imagine how I feel every time he hugs me?" Alice asks with a snort. "I'm practically suffocated by his huge bicep."

My laughter trails off as nostalgia settles in. "I miss you guys."

"Oh, sweetie," Rose says, her voice soft and caring. "We miss you, too. All of you. Riley isn't a very good replacement."

"Bitch." Alice shoves Rosalie, and they break into a mock battle. The phone is tossed to the side to leave me staring at a white ceiling. "Take that back."

"Never!"

Their laughter echoes through the video, and I join in, wishing I could actually see the tussle. Alice is a wisp of a girl, and Rosalie is a glamazon. She's close to six feet tall with toned muscles and curves in all the right places.

"All right, girls," I interrupt, stifling my laughter. "Break it up. I know I'm irreplaceable, but surely Riley has some great characteristics or Alice wouldn't give him the time of day."

"I suppose," Rose replies, begrudgingly, straightening her shirt as she lifts the phone and comes back into view. "He's really good when it comes to cramming for exams."

"And …" Alice nudges her shoulder, prodding Rose to admit something else.

I'm intrigued.

"All right, all right." Rose rolls her eyes, but it's clear she doesn't really mean it. "He also makes a decent boxed brownie." I gasp, and she rushes ahead. "They're nowhere near as good as your brownies, Bella. Emmett can only stomach one or two at a—" Alice elbows her in the stomach, and she grunts. "Oof."

"Oh my God." My gasp turns into a full belly laugh. "Stop it. You're cracking me up."

"Made you forget about your dad," Rose replies, lifting a brow.

My smile falls as that stupid image pops into my mind. "Well it _had_."

"We called for a reason," Alice sing-songs, recapturing my attention and again allowing me to forget about the awful episode. "We want to see you, and since you're out on the fourteenth, we were hoping we could come for the weekend."

"Aw, guys." The back of my eyes burn, and I blink furiously. "But that's the weekend before your finals. You'll need that time for studying."

"Nonsense." Rosalie's voice is brisk and leaves no room for argument. "We have two perfectly good weekends between now and then. We'll use them for studying. "

"When will you get here?" I ask, my excitement building. "And who's coming? Just you two, or are you bringing the guys?"

Rosalie mocks a heavy sigh. "Oh, how I tried to leave the men behind, but Emmett was having none of it. He misses you as much as we do."

"Riley's still unsure whether he can make it, but I'll let you know sometime between now and then," Alice pipes up. "He's working on a team project for his Physics final, and it'll depend on if they can it done before then."

"Sounds good." I nod along. "I'll be so happy to see my girls that I won't care whether Riley comes or not." Feeling rude, I rush to add, "No offense to him."

"None taken, girl," Alice says, smiling. "I can't wait for you guys to give us the grand tour of Seattle."

"Crap." I palm my forehead. "Are you sure a tour of U-Dub isn't enough?"

"Tell me you're joking," Rose hisses, her tone an admonishment. "Don't you go on dates?"

"Yes," I reply calmly. "We do go on dates, but Edward usually plans them, and they're at places I'm unfamiliar with. Aside from the local spots near college, my only recollection of Seattle is how to get to the mall from Forks."

"Oh, you poor thing." Alice sounds truly broken-hearted for me, and I roll my eyes. I have more important things to do with my time than to explore Seattle. "I'll hit Google and find us a couple things to do while we're there."

"Don't make us too busy." I stop her before her head gets in the clouds. "I'd love to cook dinner for everyone, and I'll have to speak with Edward, but I think his condo is the perfect place. As a matter of fact, he may even want to offer you guys a place to stay."

"I don't know, Bella," Rose says, and the hesitance in her voice irritates me more than it should.

"Why not?" I ask, my tone sharper than I intend. "Do you have unresolved feelings where he's concerned?"

"Not at all," she quickly replies, shaking her head. "But we also haven't spent much time around him since the incident. You, him, Jasper; you all dropped out of our lives so abruptly. Just … you talk with him and we'll speak among ourselves to come up with a solution that works for everyone."

"Fair enough," I concede. "I'm excited to tell him you're coming. I mean, we both have friends here, but it's not the same as it was with our group back in Providence."

"I guess you guys really are okay, huh?" Alice asks, her tone full of nostalgia. "Have you spoken with Jasper yet?"

"I haven't." I take a deep breath and expel it, feeling no ill will or bitterness at the question or even Jasper himself. "But I have a feeling it's coming soon, and I'm ready. For Edward and me, we've pretty much moved beyond the whole situation, but it's hard to consider it completely over without resolving things with Jasper. So yeah." I nod, feeling confident. "I'm ready."

"Wow," Rose says, her expression filled with awe. "I can't wait to witness this transformation in person. We never got to experience the happy-couple Edward and Bella, and it sounds like it's going to be an amazing sight." She pauses, emitting a girlish squeal. "I'm so freaking happy for you two."

I can't stop my smile. "I'm happy, too."

"I always wondered why you two never hooked up, and now that I know, it's just …" Alice says, sighing. "I'm sorry things went down the way they did."

"It's cool," I respond, waving her off. "I mean, it's not, but"—I catch myself, shaking my head with a smile—"it really is." A relieved laugh bursts from inside me. "I'm over it," I say with a shrug. "Don't get me wrong, it sucked, but I'm not sure there was an easy route with the way this unfolded."

Rosalie snorts. "The truth wouldn't have hurt."

"Right," I agree, knowing full well it would've made all the difference in the world. "But we're beyond that now. I've forgiven him, and it feels good."

"And that's all that matters," she adds. "At the end of the day, it's not anyone else's business."

"Not really." I sigh, rolling over and holding the phone above me. "Which is why I know I'm ready to face Jasper. I want it all behind us."

"What does Edward say?" Alice asks.

"He's asked me to come to Chicago after Christmas, and I haven't answered yet, but I think I'm going to have him reach out to Jasper about it, see what he thinks."

"Do you think he'd deny you?" Rose practically spits, her lips pursing into a tight bud of distaste.

"Not at all," I say, smiling at her huffed-up self. "At least, I don't think so, but who knows? I am the other woman in this scenario."

"Yeah, no," she snaps, crossing her arms in a huff. "What he did to you was horrible, and he knew you had no clue, so he doesn't get to act like the wounded party here."

"I'm not saying he will," I soothe, keeping my tone soft. "I just haven't even mentioned it to Edward yet. That's how new this thought process is."

"Fine." She uncrosses her arms in favor of lobbing a pointer finger my way. "Just don't you dare let Jasper make you feel like you have anything to apologize for."

"I can't promise I won't apologize, but I _can_ promise it won't be because I'm taking the blame for what happened between him and Edward." I pause, my heart aching for Jasper, even after what he did. "He lost something important to him and in the worst way. I _am_ sorry Edward wasn't honest with him from the start."

"It would be so easy to blame Jasper and excuse Edward, but you aren't doing that," Alice says, shifting the phone her way. "You're holding Edward accountable, yet you're also still able to forgive him completely. I'm not sure I could be so gracious."

"I know Edward didn't mean for any of it to happen," I respond, ordering my thoughts. "Even without knowing the truth of why, Edward made a proposal, and I accepted. I was there with him. I watched and felt and hoped for all the things that developed between us, but I also knew in my bones that something wasn't right. He wanted to be with me, but something was holding him back. I didn't know what it could possibly be, and I never imagined …"

"No one did," Rose says, finishing my thought.

"He loves me," I say, pushing past the things that can't hurt me anymore. "I feel it every time he looks my way. It's in his every touch and action. I don't know what our future looks like, but I do know we have one, and it'll be together."

"Sounds like he isn't the only one in love," Alice sing-songs, making a kissy face.

I bark a laugh at her antics, but my reply is the easiest thing I've ever said. "He isn't. I'm so in love with Edward Cullen."

"We're happy for you," Rose says and then rushes on, "but forget the love, tell us about the sex."

My laugh is instinctual due to the eager way she skipped right to the nitty gritty, but now I'm going to have to break her heart. "There hasn't been any."

"Ever?" Alice asks, her brows furrowing in disappointment.

"Alice." Rosalie shoves her shoulder against her. "We know they had sex before."

"Riiight," Alice says, nodding at Rose before turning to me. "But none since you've gotten back together?"

"Not yet."

"And the reason being …" Rose prompts, hiking her brow.

"At first, Edward was insistent we wait because he felt he needed to prove something, but now we've grown into this mutual understanding." It's hard to explain to others as Edward and I haven't discussed it, but we also don't need to. We're on the same page. "We'll know when the time is right."

"You're no fun." Rosalie mock pouts. "I suppose I can regale you guys with _other_ changes Emmett is undergoing."

"Please, no!" Alice practically yells. "You don't want to know this, Bella. Make her to stop." The phone lands face down on the bed, and the next thing I hear is Alice babbling incessantly—blah, blah, blah, blah—I can only assume she has her fingers in her ears.

A giggle erupts before turning into fits of laughter. I can't even begin to imagine what Rosalie could possibly have to share, but judging by Alice's reaction, I also don't want to.

"All right, you two." Rosalie lifts the discarded phone with a dramatic sigh. "I guess I'll keep all the juicy details to myself."

"Juicy." Alice giggle-snorts. "Suuure."

The three of us share another round of laughter before trailing off. "I can't wait to see you guys," I say, sitting up and mentally preparing myself to say goodbye. "I'll talk to Edward in the next couple of days, and let's do this again one evening later this week."

"Works for me," Rose says.

"Same here," Alice agrees.

"It's settled, then," I say, smiling. "I hereby declare this our new weekly tradition."

"It's hard to say goodbye," Alice whines.

"Then don't," I reply. "I'll talk to you later."

I hit end and toss my cell on the bed beside me with a sigh. It feels so good to be able to connect with Alice and Rose in this way. There are no landmines lingering around to blow a good conversation to smithereens. Everything is completely okay now for the first time in a long time. There's only one more person to speak with, and I'm ready to face him.

Jasper.

The following day at lunch, I inform Edward of my decision, and he doesn't even seem surprised. He takes my hand and plants a soft kiss on the inside of my wrist. "I always knew you'd get there. You're an amazingly intuitive person, and it's one of the things I love most about you." He leans in, his bright green eyes sincere. "Jasper should consider himself a lucky man. I know I do."

I mimic him by leaning so that our faces are inches apart. "Maybe not just yet." I press my lips to the corner of his pretty mouth. "He hurt me. Badly."

"I know." His jaw ticks. "It's still hard for me to not get angry every time I think about it, but then I just feel stupid." He grips my chin, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip. "I caused all that pain, for everyone."

I grab his wrist and push his palm up to cup my cheek, my own hand pressing against his. "You did, and I assume you've made it right with Jasper the same as you have me."

His lips tick up at the corners. "Well, not the same way …"

"Good." I press a quick kiss to his pretty mouth and lean back. "I'd hate to have to hurt you."

He tosses his head back with a carefree laugh, and all I can focus on is the sharpness of his jaw and the curved line of his throat. "You know," I say, my voice low as I look to make sure no one near is paying us any attention. "I was thinking we should try that clothes on, heavy petting thing again."

His laughter abruptly stops, and his eyes darken as they pass over me. "Second or third base?"

I shrug, licking my lips. "We'll just have to see where it goes."

In the days since the incident in Forks, all attempts at moving beyond a deep kiss have fizzled because I haven't been able get that stupid noise out of my head. But my talk with the girls helped last night, without me even realizing at the time what was happening. The thing with Charlie doesn't seem so front and center anymore. Beautiful things are happening with a beautiful man, and that's the most important thing right now.

It rises above all the clutter.

"When and where?"

"How does Friday night, your place, sound?"

He runs his tongue along his bottom lip. "Not as good as tonight."

My cheeks heat. "I have to put the final touches on my Feature Writing paper, but you're welcome to come be room candy while I work."

"Room candy?" He lifts a sexy brow.

"Yeah, you sit around and look amazing while I slave over the tiny details."

"Wouldn't that make me a distraction?"

"I prefer the term motivator."

His boyish grin reaches inside and twists me into knots. "Then by all means, count me in."

* * *

 **Woot! I was able to get this one done for you over the past couple days, and I see how we'll make it to that ending I've always envisioned for these two since I decided to continue it. I'm thinking 4 more chapters, give or take.**

 **I'd be remiss if I didn't mention RUSH one more time. A HUGE thank you to everyone who purchased the book, and I'd like to beg you to PLEASE leave me an honest review once you've read it. Reviews mean the world to an indie author. I'm going to offer up one more teaser, and it's never been posted anywhere else …**

The tension is too powerful for him, though, and he shoves my back against the door. "Jesus, doc. It's so fucking hard sometimes." He breathes deeply through his nose. "All the fucking time."

"Stop fighting it, then," I whisper, cursing myself as soon as the words leave my lips.

"I can't," he groans, and it's a pain-filled sound. "I'm a black hole, and if you get too close, I'll only swallow you."

"I won't let you." I'm almost pleading, knowing who he is and what he's capable of, or more importantly, what he isn't capable of. It's like I'm begging him to break me, and I can't stop myself.

He tilts his chin upward, looking to the ceiling, before bringing his tortured eyes back to mine. "Our friendship is the most intimate connection in my life."

My stomach tightens.

Leaning down, he presses a kiss to my forehead before wrenching himself away. "And I can't afford to lose it."

 **See** **you as soon as I can :)**


	13. Fully Clothed

**Huge thanks to my girls, 2browneyes and Sunshine1220, for taking the time to go through this XOXOXO**

* * *

"Bella, wait up," a familiar voice calls from behind me.

I pause and turn, a smile already in place. "Jake, how goes it?"

He shrugs as he falls into step beside me. "All good here. How about you? Is the article ready for me to give a test read yet?"

I pull my books to my chest and sigh dramatically. "I suppose."

He bumps me with his shoulder. "It's due in two days. It's time you stop holding out on me."

"I know." I cast a glance in his direction. "I'm nervous. I've never been responsible for someone else's grade."

"And you're not now." He snorts, tossing his head so his bangs flick away from his eye. "We've been over this. My grade solely depends on the image. Besides, I have a cool hookup. If you'd get me the paper, I think I can do something to make yours stand out."

I lift a brow. "Oh?"

"Not a chance," he says, smirking. "I'm not saying. Just get me the final draft, and I'll have it back tomorrow."

"Now you're making me nervous."

"No need." He turns and walks backward a few steps. "I'll stop by the Husky Den at lunch. Have it ready." He turns and shuffles off without waiting for a reply.

I huff as I take a left outside the building, headed to my apartment with Angela. I always meant to share the final draft with Jake ahead of turning it in, so I don't know why I feel so nervous about it. The paper's been done a couple of days, and I've avoided him like the plague.

It's not that I'm not proud of what I've written; I am. It's that I still have a hard time accepting the fact that his image is tied to my words. Don't get me wrong, the image sets the tone for the story and immediately draws you in, but I also think that may be my issue.

His half feels better than mine.

With a resigned sigh, I grab the folder out of my desk and head out the door, making my way to meet Edward for lunch.

The happiness that lights his face at my appearance never fails to send a jolt of pleasure rushing through me. I almost stumble from the sensation as it vibrates its way to my most sensitive spot, reminding me that Friday can't come soon enough.

"What's the matter?" Edward asks as I take my seat.

"Nothing," I answer, shaking my head.

"Bella," he says, drawing my eyes to his narrowed ones. "Something's bother you."

I don't have time to respond before Jake is sliding into the seat beside Edward. "She's being a baby about sharing her final draft."

"What?" Edward's brows are gathered in the center of his forehead as he turns to me. "Baby, that paper is fucking amazing. You should be taking out an ad in UW Daily to make sure everyone gets a chance to read it."

"You have to say that," I reply, my chest swelling from his sweet words. "And, fine, it's good, but the image is amazing." I tug open my book bag.

Jake leans over and snags the project folder before I can stop him. "The image is amazing because you selected a great topic and took me to some fantastic spots. Don't sell yourself short," he says, standing. "I'll have this back to you tomorrow."

I'm in shock as I watch his retreating back, until Edward leans over and tilts my chin his way. "I don't know why you're letting this bother you. Jake could never put words to that image like you did. The same as his image elevated your writing, your writing elevates his image. It's the perfect marriage." His face screws up. "Forget I said that. I don't want anything of Jake's marrying anything of yours."

An unexpected bark of laughter escapes, lightening my mood, and my smile remains as I take in his disgruntled expression. "You're so cute," I say, shifting so I can bring my lips to his ear. "That isn't an option. Ever." I latch onto his lobe with my teeth and tug gently, just enough to snap him out of his funk. "There are other things I'd like to marry, but that's still a work in progress."

He grips my forearms, pulling me away so he can meet my eyes. "Yeah?" His brow lifts. "And what might those be."

I lick my lips, slow and seductively, before smirking. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

"You know you're driving me crazy, right?" he asks, his voice cracking under the strain.

"Welcome to the club." I lean back into my own seat, nabbing a fry from his plate and dipping it into the ketchup. "I fear we're only going to last seconds by the time we finally get to the act."

"But what a beautiful few seconds it'll be," Edward says, leaning forward and giving me an overly exaggerated brow wiggle.

I almost choke on the fry as I burst out laughing in the middle of trying to swallow. Edward jumps up and starts smacking me on the back, his voice frantic as he calls my name. All I can see through my teary gaze is way too many eyes on us, and I want to melt into a puddle of nothingness.

Shaking my head, I push him away. "Ugh. Bad timing." I clear my throat and swallow, pushing the fry the rest of the way down. "Sit. I'm fine." He looks me over once more before conceding, and the staring eyes around us start to return to their own business. "Geesh, can't a girl choke in peace."

"Not my girl," Edward says, his voice and expression are a perfect match—completely serious. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"I know you didn't mean to," I interrupt, not needing an apology. "It's all part of our thing."

"Our thing?" he parrots, curiosity lighting in his pretty eyes.

"Yeah, you know," I say coyly. "The one where we drive each other mad and then do nothing to resolve the tension?"

"Ahhh, yes, that thing," he says, relaxing back with a smirk. "I know _all_ about it."

"And?" I question, propping my elbow on the table and my chin in my hand, batting my lashes. "Do you think there's something we could do differently?"

"Maybe." He shrugs like it's no big deal, but it is. It's killing us both in the very best way. "How about I take you out on the town Friday before we return to my place for our first lesson in fully clothed tension release?"

Just the promise of Friday night's activities is enough to make my inner muscles tighten in anticipation. "Maybe we just say forget the lessons and go straight to the main event."

My voice comes out breathy and strained, but I can't help it. On the one hand I love and appreciate the care we're taking to make sure the timing is right, but on the other, I feel like the constant strain is going to kill me before we get there. I'm a walking, talking bundle of unresolved sexual tension who's on the verge of an explosion.

Edward leans in, his strong palm cupping my cheek. "Not just yet," he breathes, his eyes full of apology. "I want this, _you_ , but I want all of the past cleared away first."

My eyes fall closed, a truth I've failed to see before now hitting me squarely in the chest. "Jasper," I whisper. "You're waiting on me to forgive him."

A new kind of tension overtakes me. Outrage. My muscles tighten in indignation as I realize a painful truth. He's been holding out on me because of my failure to excuse his ex for the part he played in breaking my heart into a thousand pieces.

By the time my body catches up with my brain and I try to jerk away, Edward has also processed my words and doubled down by grabbing my cheeks firmly between his palms, holding me in place.

" _Fuck no_ ," he growls, bringing his angry green eyes directly in front of mine. "I could give a fuck less if you ever speak to Jasper again, _and_ I'd tell him to fuck off if you asked me to." He pauses and presses a heated kiss to my stunned lips. "I care about you, and I care about me. _Us._ I fucking love you, and I want both of us to be one hundred percent certain when we take that final step because it'd fucking destroy me to lose you afterward." He pauses again, this time loosening his hold and pushing my hair behind my ears as his watery green eyes roam my face. "I just don't think we can truly be ready until it's _all_ behind us."

My heart thunders as I process his words coupled with the emotion behind them. "Why didn't you tell me you needed that?"

"Baby," he rasps, brushing his thumb along my jaw. "I _don't_ need it, but I think you do. I'll have a lot of work ahead of me if your conversation with him changes things between us."

"Impossible."

Even though I'm denying it, in my heart I'm just as unsure. Of course, I don't expect anything anyone says to come between Edward and me, but the reality is, I have no earthly idea what Jasper might share. It's probably why I've ignored his existence, even knowing that Edward talks and texts with him regularly.

"You know it's not." He kisses me again, softly this time, and leans back. "I hurt him, too. I may have done something you see as unforgivable."

I tilt my head, considering. " _He_ may have done something I'm unable to forgive."

"And that's your right," Edward concedes, linking our hands together on the table. "I'll follow your lead. If, when it's over, you find his crimes unforgivable, then I'll sever ties."

"No." I shake my head. "That would be selfish and unbecoming, seeing as I've not had issues up until now."

"I don't care." Edward's voice is firm, unrelenting. "You mean more than him."

That spark that fills me whenever I'm near Edward returns full force with his passionate words, and I smile. "I know, and that's all that matters. I'd never ask you to give up anyone to share a life with me. It's not who I am."

"You're also not one to hold a grudge, and I can tell you now that Jasper is sorry for what he did." Edward's jaw ticks, but he pushes it down and continues. "If he wasn't, we'd have never been able to remain friends."

I nab another fry, this time forgoing the ketchup. "Please tell me you didn't hold it over his head until he gave in." I pop the fry into my mouth and chew thoughtfully, wondering how I might feel if that turns out to be the case.

"No." Edward snorts. "It's actually the first thing that brought us to a consensus afterward. We were both angry. Hell, I didn't even have a right to be, but what he did to you was …" He trails off, clenching his jaw and turning away for a moment. "Shit." He scrubs a hand through his bronze locks. "My fucking fault, yes, but it was so fucked up, I wanted to kill him." He meets my eyes. "But he knew. Jasper knew, and he felt awful."

My phone chirps, signaling the time for my next class. "Crap. I have to go. I don't know how we ended up here, but let's shelve this stuff until after I've spoken with Jasper." I walk over to stand behind him, leaning down with my palm on his chest and my lips to his ear. "I'm only interested in you and me and how we're going to loosen the rubber band that's stretched too tightly between us."

He catches my hand, pressing it against his thundering heart. "Friday." He lifts my fingers, kissing the back of my wrist. "Everything over the clothes is acceptable."

I nip his earlobe. "Deal."

By the time I make it to class, I'm not quite as overheated as I was when I first walked away from lunch. Each day, each lust-filled interaction is harder and harder to bury. Sure I could take matters in my own hands, but where's the fun in that? I plan to be so turned on by the time he touches me that I see multiples in my future.

The next day at lunch, we avoid heavy conversation in favor of the playful kind. We laugh and joke and yes, turn each other on, but we keep it light and carefree instead of serious and heavy.

Jake stops by to return my project. He has Nessa tucked under his arm and a boyish smirk on his face. Not only does he have the folder he snagged originally, but he also has a front page mock up featuring my article.

Apparently Nessa works for the school paper and was able to get approval from her superior to do it, as long as she left everything as she found it. I'm nervous and unsure about turning it in, though it looks absolutely amazing, but with the confident assurances from the love of my life and my project partner, I agree to bite the bullet.

Professor Berty's brows furrow as I turn in my Feature Writing paper with Jake's image _and_ the front page mock-up, but as he takes it, a little smile tugs up the corners of his lips. All in all, I feel pretty good once it's out of my hands, like a huge weight has been released.

Friday evening finds me in front of the mirror and excited beyond words—in several ways. Both for the date, as I always am, and for what comes afterward. Even though it's not the most intimate connection a couple can share, it's an important step on the road there for Edward and me. Phase one, if you will, of rediscovering that intangible thing that festers between us.

When I open the door to his smiling face, my eyes can't help but to take in every single inch. Black jeans hug his muscular legs and a rolled-to-the-elbows deep green button up adorns his torso. His hair is tousled in messy perfection, and his face clean shaven. The warm, spicy scent of his cologne makes me want to devour him here and now.

"Bella," he says, a warning in his tone. "We have an entire evening planned first."

My eyes trail back over his body as they make their way to his. Stepping forward, I run my finger along the seam down the center of his shirt. "If we must."

He gulps, his mouth open but no words forming. "Yes," he finally squeaks, clearing his throat. "We must." Taking a deep breath, he nabs my jacket and holds it open. "Let's go, minx. I have a feeling this is going to be a long evening."

I slip in my arms, smirking as I turn to grab onto his elbow. "Long but productive."

The ride to the restaurant isn't much better as the thick atmosphere in the car is suffocating. Tension boils and anticipation hangs in the air like a heavy smog. Dinner conversation is ripe with innuendo, and neither of us seem capable of stopping. It's almost like this invisible force is steadily pulling us closer and closer.

"I thought we were going to the Seattle Art Museum?" I question, noticing that we're moving away from downtown.

Edward glances my way with a shrug as his eyes move back to the road, and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. "I can't take anymore."

His tone is pain and hunger and desperation all wrapped into one, and I want to climb on his lap and ride him as he drives. "Turn here," I command, my thighs clenching as I motion to a small alley behind a row of abandoned buildings. " _Now_."

Tires squeak as he rounds the sharp corner and shuts off the headlights, bringing us to a to a sudden stop. As the engine falls silent all that can be heard are our heavy breaths, but the shuffling of fabric as it slides together in a frenzy soon follows. Lips crash together in a wet heated mess, and Edward works tirelessly to adjust his seat so the steering wheel isn't stabbing me in the back.

When we slide back and recline as one, sweet relief overwhelms me as my aching center finally makes contact with the hardness beneath his jeans. A low, keening moan escapes as I rock against it.

"Fuck, baby," he mutters, gripping my hips and pinning me in place. "I've never felt so desperate before."

I place my hands over his and rock again, urging him to guide my movements. "Let go and just feel."

My eyes fall closed as he makes the first tentative move, a small rotation of his hands. And then another. And another. I'm so desperate, every millimeter of movement feels like a thousand miles, sparking an explosion of sensations everywhere we touch.

Edward growls, adding his hips to the action and pressing his cock harder against me with every new rotation. I feel like I'm floating on the breeze, waiting for the next strong wind to blow me into oblivion. Over and over I twirl in the constant rolling winds, until the gale force comes along and scatters me to the ends of the earth.

I claw at his shirt, desperately needing something to anchor me to this reality, to this moment, to him, as surge after surge of flutters overtake me. I collapse, sated and spent, onto a firm chest and enclosed inside a pair of strong, steady arms. I match my breaths to the rise and fall of his chest as I come back from a place I've never before been.

Soft lips press against my temple. "I love you, Bella."

I lift my head, my insides still jittery from the orgasm and my stomach fluttering from his words. "I love you, too."

Edward grips the back of my neck and yanks me forward, smashing our lips together in a controlled but possessive kiss. His tongue invades my mouth and it's relentless in its domination—twisting and plunging and delving while also caressing and nudging and exploring. It's a contradiction of sensation, and it sends prickles of awareness skating along my nerve endings.

It ends as abruptly as it began, our heavy pants thickening the air between us as he pushes me only inches away. "Please tell me there's more."

A giggle escapes, but it quickly turns into a moan when he shifts and his cock presses against me. "As long as …" I pause, rocking my hips. "We don't cross the line."

"Fuck the line," he murmurs, his hands finding the skin of my stomach.

"No." I freeze, overcome by a combination of lust and guilt. "We can't. You _do_ care."

"You make me feel out of control. It's like I can't stop when you're this close." His head tilts forward, resting against my chest as a battle wages within him.

My hand falls to his hair, and my nails scratch against his scalp as I realize we're still parked in the middle of nowhere. "Let's go to your condo, yeah?"

He lifts his pretty eyes. "Yeah." His fingers tighten on my waist, and he helps me to shift back into my seat before pulling the belt across my shoulder and buckling me in. "Hold on tight, spider monkey. This is going to be a bumpy ride." His teasing smirk sends another round of flutters through my stomach.

"Forget the bumps, just get us there quickly," I say in the sexiest tone I possess.

"Yes, ma'am."

He's right, the ride is bumpy, but it's also quick because he flies through the streets, taking every shortcut he knows. We arrive at his building within fifteen minutes, and it's enough time for common sense to settle in. We were wild and frantic earlier, ready to abandon it all, but the drive has given us both time to think.

We walk hand in hand to his condo, unhurried and uncontrolled by the constant tension that's burning as bright as ever between us. He opens the door, one-handed, and leads me into his home, straight up the stairs to his loft. Only a few nightlights spread through the condo light the space, but it's plenty for now.

At the edge of the bed, he stops and turns to me, prompting me to remove my jacket. His lips skate across the bare skin at my nape. "I want to take my time with you."

Chills race over my skin as I turn and burrow into his chest, anchoring my arms around his waist. "We have all night."

"All night to do this." He groans, his palms gripping my butt cheeks and thrusting me against him.

I lift my head and trail kisses along his sharp jaw. "And this."

"Fuck."

His passion is unbridled as he lifts and tosses me to the bed like I weigh nothing. My legs fall open and he slips between them. My skirt is hiked up around my waist, the harshness of his jeans only adding to the excitement of the challenge we've given ourselves.

He lifts to his knees and stares down at me, his hand on my bare thigh as his eyes ask the question. "Can I touch you here?" His fingers trail across my overheated skin and ghost over the wetness of my panties. "Like this."

My answering reply is a moan.

"Like this," he says again, this time tracing along the elastic edge, close but still so far. I'm a horny pile of mush as he takes pleasure in toying with me. "Seeing you this way …" His words trail off as fingers find my clit through the thin material. "Aching for me." He starts a delicious rhythm with two fingers. "It stirs feelings inside me that are completely foreign."

I arch my back, creating the perfect angle to give me what I need. "Don't stop," I moan, clawing at the comforter beneath me. "Please."

He shifts, wrapping one arm around my bare thigh and pulling me against him. The coarseness of the material covering his hard cock adds a delicious new sensation as his fingers continue their steady pace. I feel like I'm going out of my mind as the ecstasy builds, lifting me higher and higher, until it releases and sends me spiraling down into nothingness.

And through it all, Edward is there. It's his voice that coaxes me as my orgasm builds, and it's him who cradles me with his body as I float back to earth. It's also him who submits when it becomes my turn to dole out the torture.

It's him I wake beside the next morning—both of us still fully clothed.

* * *

 **This one's a little early, but it was sitting there ready so I didn't want to keep holding it from you. Thanks for still being here after I left you hanging for so long!**

 **See you next time :)**


	14. Weekend Fun

**Super special thanks to 2browneyes and Sunshine1220 for their time and comments. Without them, this story would have more mistakes than it does now!**

* * *

The last week of fall quarter flies by in a flurry of final exams and evening make out sessions between last minute cramming. The grade for my Feature Writing paper posts on Thursday, and my smile can't be any wider. A solid "A" fills me with relief and pride at the same time. All in all, Edward and I both feel pretty good with our performances.

On Friday afternoon, just after his last exam, Edward picks up Emmett, Rosalie and Alice from the airport, intending to drop the girls at my apartment while he and Emmett head over to his condo. They're staying here tonight, where we'll probably veg on the sofa and watch a RomCom, and tomorrow morning we'll join the boys at Edward's place.

Angela and I are in the kitchen, her popping popcorn and me pulling a pan of brownies from the oven. There are various other desserts and snacks already lining the counter, and I have several Tupperware bowls open, ready to be filled. There's no way Emmett would leave peacefully without some snacks of his own.

"Do you want me to start splitting these up?" Angela asks, motioning to the cooled chocolate chip cookies.

"Yes, please." I set the brownies on the stove top and start making the popcorn balls. We'll have just popcorn later, as we watch the movie, but I'd like to send a variety of snacks over to Edward's place. "Go ahead and do the blondies, too."

"No problem," she replies, dishing half into the boys' Tupperware dish and the other half onto the silver tray I have laid out. "Have you decided which movie we'll watch?"

"I have a few options. We'll see what Rose and Alice think." I smile, turning to her. "I'm quite excited for you to meet them. I'm not sure I ever thought I'd see them again."

Her brows furrow. "You've hinted at something before but always held back. I'd love for tonight to be the time when you finally let me in on what went down back there."

I place the last popcorn ball on the wax paper and turn, propping my hip against the bar. "Tonight might be the perfect time."

"Good." She smiles, focusing back on her task. "You get started on the taco spread, and I'll make sure the snacks get divvied up evenly."

I bark a laugh, turning to her with a crinkled nose. "Maybe you should give the boys the larger half. Emmett's always been a mouth, but now I hear he's packed on the muscle."

She giggles. "Will do. I can't wait to meet these friends of yours."

I glance at the clock. "Shouldn't be much longer. Their flight landed a half hour ago."

"Well, then. We better get to work." She turns around and doubles her efforts to get the snacks straightened out, while I cube some chicken breast and get it into a frying pan.

For the most part, we work in silence for the next little while. After she gets the sweets taken care of, I get her started chopping and shredding, while I finish off the chicken and seasoned ground beef. I also open a can of refried beans and get them heating, and then I add cubes of queso quesadilla and some milk to the mini crockpot, turning it on high, for now, to let it all melt together.

The room has went from smelling like cookies and chocolate to a Mexican fiesta in the span of twenty minutes, and my stomach grumbles at the delicious aromas that surround me. My phone buzzes from the bar top, and I freeze, knowing what that means; my friends are almost here. Scrambling, I hurry to tell Edward to bring them on up.

"They'll be at the door within ten minutes," I announce, rushing to get everything into its own serving container. "Set the sweets on the coffee table and let's set up the taco spread along the bar."

Angela gets to work, loading all the vegetables and cheeses she's been working on into serving bowls, while I do the same with the cooked stuff. The microwave is glowing as it heats up soft tortillas wrapped in paper towels, and I bring a pan of nicely toasted hard shells from the oven.

Just as I set the last bowl on the bar, the doorbell chimes and I turn to Angela. "It's showtime." Motioning for her to follow, I lead us to the door and swing it wide.

Huge muscly arms swing me into the air, and I let out a squeal as I'm spun around in the tight entryway. "Buzzy B!" Emmett exclaims. "It's so good to see you!" Almost as swiftly as it starts, it ends, as he drops me to my feet and follows the smells wafting from the kitchen. "Did you cook for us?"

I bark a laugh. "I did. Help yourself." I turn to the rest of the group who are still standing in the hallway. "Come in," I say, opening my arms for my girls to step into.

Edward bypasses our hug fest and follows Emmett to the kitchen, while Angela moves forward and closes the door. I stand there and hold my girls close for another minute longer. I'm just so incredibly happy to have this moment at all.

"Oh my God, Bella, you're glowing," Rosalie says as she pulls away to get a better look at me. "You look truly happy. I'm not sure I've ever seen this exact look before."

"I am happy." I glance to the kitchen where the men are loading their plates with tacos. "I can say the same for the both of you. And, Alice, your hair. I love it." I reach out and brush my fingers through the almost-waist-length locks. "I've never seen it past your shoulders."

"Riley has a thing for long hair," she replies, waving it off. "But enough about him. He couldn't make it."

"Right." I nod, holding back a giggle. "I'd like you both to meet Angela." I grab my friend and pull her into our circle. "Angela, this is Alice, and that beauty right there is Rosalie."

Angela's cheeks turn pink as she offers a little wave, but my girls are having none of that. Alice loops her arm around Angela's waist and pulls her in as we all participate in another group hug.

"I have a feeling this is going to be a great night," Alice says.

"I concur." I toss my head toward the men behind us. "Let's get them fed and out of our hair."

Rosalie snorts in the most unladylike way. "Good luck with that. You just _thought_ Emmett ate a lot before."

"Come on, babe," the man himself says, chiming in from his seat at the table. "Don't get me kicked out of Buzzy B's before I've had the chance to finish my taco salad."

I lift my brows, curious about this taco salad, as I approach the table. On Emmett's plate is a large pile of … salad. It appears he's taken hard shell tacos and crunched them into chips to use as a base to heap on every different type of topping offered.

"Nice." I smirk, tossing my chin. "That's a great idea, Em."

"Right," he agrees, licking the queso blanco from his fingers. "This way I don't have to pick and choose. I can have it all."

Edward stands then, stepping in front of me, and my focus changes. "Hi there." I smile, my hand going to his chest. "How did your last exam go?"

He grins that pretty sideways Edward grin. "It was fucking easy, actually, and that's the one I was most nervous over."

I kiss him and pull back swiftly. "I told you it was in the bag."

His eyes are on my lips as I speak and when I stop, they slowly trail up to my mine. "This is going to be a long weekend."

I shrug one shoulder and step closer. "It is, but I think the reward far outweighs our small amount of suffering."

"I suppose," he mock-sighs. "Speaking of, let me go grab the girls' overnight bags."

He goes to step back, but I tighten my fist onto his shirt. "I haven't seen you all day," I say, bringing my lips close enough to almost brush his. "I need more than a peck."

Edward doesn't hold back. His mouth opens, inviting me inside almost immediately. My eyes fall closed and the room fades into the background as I get lost in the taste of his skin and feel of his tongue as it explores me like only he can. I'm not sure how long it goes on, but I do know that what eventually stops us is the chorus of catcalls from our friends. We part reluctantly, foreheads pressed together as our breaths slow.

"I'll be right back," he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to my lips before he struts to the door and out of my sight.

"Jesus," Rose says, fanning herself like she's a Southern Belle from Savannah. "That was hot."

"Come on, Rosie," Emmett whines. "We're much hotter than that."

I walk over and pat Emmett's shoulder. "You two are definitely hot, Em. Always have been."

He sits up straighter, his confidence renewed. "Thanks, Buzzy B." Pushing his plate away, he stands and turns. "It's really good to see you again. And, man, that fucking taco salad was awesome." He pauses, looking over my shoulder. "Is there by chance some dessert?"

I laugh, nodding. "There is, but you'll have to take it to-go. The girls and I have some serious plans, and they don't include boys."

Emmett's eyes stare off into the distance, as if he's completely left the room. "I bet," he says dreamily before his eyes refocus and snap to mine. "Would pillow fights happen to be on the agenda?"

Rose sidles up next to me, hooking one arm around my waist and using the other to push a lock of hair behind my ear. "It's not out of the question," she purrs, giving Emmett a heated stare.

"Shit," he whispers, his eyes locked on Rose's hand.

Edward chooses that moment to interrupt, offering Rose her bag. "Here you are. Don't have too much fun with my girl." Using Rose's distraction of taking the bag, he steps close, placing his hands on my hips. "We're going to take off. What time will you be over tomorrow?"

I anchor my arms on his shoulders. "Probably eleven-ish. You'll have to fend for yourself for breakfast, but I'll make lunch before we go out on the town."

"Sounds like a plan." He kisses me then, just a soft, lingering press, but it's enough to tide me over until I see him again.

He sighs, turning from my hold and facing Emmett. "Ready, man?" He tilts his head to the coffee table and the Tupperware bowls sitting there. "I believe those might be for us."

Emmett follows Edward's hint and zeroes in on the containers, doing a fist pump. "Yes! See you tomorrow, Buzzy."

"Bye, Em."

As soon as the door closes behind the guys, us girls heave a collective sigh. "I can't believe we have a whole evening to ourselves to do nothing but stuff our faces, watch awesome movies and talk behind their backs. What a life," Alice says.

A round of laughter breaks out between us, and when it's over, I motion to the bar. "Let's start with tacos."

Rosalie snorts. "If Emmett left us any."

"Oh, I was prepared for him." I move to the stove and start lifting pans and topping off the serving bowls with more meat, queso and refried beans. "Help yourselves."

The evening unfolds exactly as expected. As we eat, we talk about the men, our time apart and even our respective majors, as everyone except Alice is graduating this year.

"What's on tap for you and Edward next year?" Rose asks, popping a bite of brownie in her mouth. "Will you stay here for Graduate School?"

My eyes widen as the question slaps me in the face. "I have no idea," I say, shocked that Edward and I haven't discussed it. "I mean, Edward's stated emphatically that he'll go where I go, but now that you mention it, I realize my major and his are complete opposites. I can do grad school anywhere, while Edward should strive for the best placement he can get." My brows furrow as I realize how serious this is. "I can't believe I've let him just flounder around without, at least, having a thorough conversation."

"You still have time," Angela assures, picking up the used plates as she stands. "Besides, I'd love for you guys to stay."

"And we'd love if you came back to Brown," Rose asserts, lifting a serious brow. "Emmett and I have already enrolled."

I smile, looking between my old friend and my new one. "Thank you to you both, and I love you dearly, but I think this one will have to be based around Edward's needs."

"As it should," Rose concedes with a tilt of her head.

After we stuff our faces, we move to the living room and spread around the floor with an assortment of pillows, couch cushions and soft, furry throws. The silver tray full of snacks gets set atop the coffee table and pushed just to the outer edges of our circle. We start the night by watching Destination Wedding with sexy Keanu Reeves, and we end the night with the classic Pretty Woman, which Alice nor Rose have ever seen, but to be fair, neither had I until I moved in with Angela.

Afterward, Alice hits the shower and I'm quick to follow, while Rose holds out for a morning one. Then we turn off the lights and huddle our heads close, whispering like high school girls until we slowly fall off one by one.

The next morning, I'm up before everyone, so I start the coffee pot and get to work on breakfast. The smell of bacon slowly entices everyone awake, and while Angela and Alice struggle to the bar with bleary eyes, Rose stumbles to the shower. After breakfast, we all move in slow motion, reluctant to part, but the men are waiting for us to join them.

With my overnight bag slung over my shoulder, I pause before going out the door. "We'll see you and Ben at the club tonight? Yes?"

"Absolutely," Angela says with a nod. "Seven?"

"That works. If we run late I'll text you." With a smile I turn and join the girls, and we head down to our waiting Uber.

Emmett grabs Rose up similar to how he did me yesterday as soon as we're in the door. Rose wasn't kidding. Emmett's turned into a freaking beefcake with bulging muscles from his arms to his chest to his thighs.

"Did ya bring more treats, Buzzy B?" he asks as he places Rose back on the floor. "Those other ones are already gone." He has a perfect pout on his bulgy lips—even they look muscular.

I shift my backpack strap off my shoulder and pat the front pocket. "I brought something, but it's for _after_ lunch."

He pouts, but I lose focus on him as my beautiful boyfriend steps into the picture by slipping the strap onto his own shoulder. "Where would you like me to put this?"

"Sit it on the bar for now," I reply, nabbing the front of his tee. "That's after you give me a hello kiss."

He grins and leans in, pressing a slow, soft kiss to my lips. "I missed you," he murmurs.

I shrug one shoulder and tilt my head. "I kind of forgot all about you."

He snorts and jabs my side with his pointer finger. "Yeah, right. I bet you spent most of the night romanticizing our love affair with your friends."

"That's a bet I'm not willing to take." I give him a cutesy wink.

He returns my wink and takes my hand to lead me into his kitchen. After putting a fresh bowl of brownies in the cabinet—hiding them from Emmett—I send my backpack upstairs to Edward's loft and the rest of us gather in the living room. The next couple hours are spent gabbing among ourselves, catching up as a group.

About one, Emmett's stomach rumbles, prompting me to head to the kitchen. We move as one body, the others gathering around either at the bar or table to keep me entertained as I start on spaghetti for lunch. Edward works beside me, making the salad, and Rose is kind enough to work on the garlic loaf. Working together, it only takes about thirty minutes to get everything ready.

The rest of the day passes pretty much the same, a group of friends catching up after a good amount of time apart. The conversation's easy, and we never run out of topics to discuss. It feels like so many times in the past, and that makes me happy because I missed it so much.

By the time seven hits, we're unloading from an Uber in front of Club Vanquish where Angela and Ben are already waiting. I tug down my dress when I step out, almost tripping in the five-inch heels Alice insisted I borrow. Don't get me wrong, they're gorgeous, silver with thin straps that criss-cross over my feet and wrap around my ankles and up onto my calf. They're the perfect accompaniment to go with my shimmery black dress.

Angela and Ben blend seamlessly into our group, and as a unit, we enter the club. The music is loud and different colored lights are flickering from every direction. Along the edges are these sofa-esque booths that sit low to the floor with long arced tables to hold the drinks. In the center is a mosh of swaying bodies as they move to the beat of the music.

"This way," Edward says over the noise, taking my hand. "I booked us a booth."

He drags me around the periphery of the crowd, our crew following closely behind, as he navigates us to the very back corner. The music is lower here and it's slightly less crowded. It makes me feel better about the overall feel of the place.

He stops and turns to our friends. "Have a seat, guys." He motions to the slender curved cushion before turning and pulling me against him. "This fucking dress is going to kill me before the night's over." His lips ghost against the skin of my throat, causing my nails to dig into his sides. "I can't wait to get you all to myself on the dance floor."

"I'd hardly call that all to yourself," I murmur, extending my neck to make room for his lips to explore. His tongue slips out and flattens against my thundering pulse, and I moan. "Edward."

I can feel his lips lift into a smile as he presses a heated kiss against my skin before raising his head. "I assure you, it'll feel like we're the only two people in the room."

I lick my lips—two can play at this game. "Can't wait."

His eyes trail over my face, torn on whether to continue torturing me or join our friends, but they decide for him—at least, Rosalie does. "All right, you two. There are five other people vying for your attention."

Edward smirks and puts his hand on my waist, ushering me forward. "My apologies, Rose. It's hard to keep my hands to myself sometimes."

I giggle as I take the seat beside her, again pulling down the hem of my dress for fear it might expose me. "Ditto."

Rose barks a laugh. "Ahh, I remember those days fondly."

"Babe," Emmett says, lifting a beefy arm. "Didn't we just go through them again." He waggles his brows and flexes his bicep.

For the first time in her life, I think Rose might blush. It's either that or a red light has lit on her face and decided to take up residence. "We did indeed," she finally utters, much to Emmett's delight.

By the time that little convo is over, Edward has taken his seat beside me, and his body is pressed close. He lifts a hand and motions over a waiter, who moves to the other end of the sofa-like floor cushion to start taking orders.

"I'm going to ply you with alcohol and drag you to the dance floor," he rasps into my ear. "Then I'm going to bribe them to play a slow song so I can hold you close and sway my body against yours." My breath leaves me in a whoosh as his palm caresses my thigh, but he doesn't relent. "I'm going to torture you all night long, and then I'm going to take you back to my place and release every bit of tension I've spent the night building. All the while, you'll have to be quiet as a mouse because our friends will be right downstairs, just beyond the metal rail of my balcony."

"Can I take your order?" the young waiter chirps, way too excitable for my frayed nerves. "Our special tonight is called the Vanquish."

"I'll have that," I say, my throat suddenly parched.

"Make it two." Edward never gives the guy a second glance as his dark stare stays solely on me. "And hurry, please. My girlfriend is thirsty."

After we order, I work hard to make small talk with my girls. It's near impossible to ignore Edward's touch, as every slight pass on any part of my body sends it blazing, but I do my best. When the drinks come, the first goes fast, but I slow on the second one. By the time it's done, I'm ready to hit the dance floor and don't object when Rose takes me by the hand and drags me behind her.

While I'm out there with the girls, I partake in a little bit of my own type of torture. It starts with me and Rosalie, my back to her front as we sway to a swift beat. Angela moves in front of me doing a chest shimmy. I think she may already be toasted, but I go along, gripping her hips. I toss my head and fling my hair and pretend to be enticed. Men around us are barely moving as they stop and stare at the spectacle we're making.

I'm not sure how long it goes on, but I am sure when the body behind mine changes from one of soft curves to one of firm, taut muscles. Tense fingers grip my hips and soft lips push my hair aside as they blaze a path along my neck and to my ear.

"You've been a very bad girl," Edward growls, pulling my hips against his and grinding his rock solid cock into my ass. "So now I have to punish you."

A simple glance lets me know that all the men have claimed their women, leaving Alice to fend for herself. In normal times, I'd drag her onto the fray, but with Edward pressed against me, my body is simply too weak to make its own decisions.

I spin in his arms, and his leg slips between my thighs. My eyes fall closed as I gyrate to the beat of the slow song blaring from the speakers. His hands roam my body. From my hips to my back to my bare thighs, they constantly seek new skin to caress. The alcohol dulls my mind, but it also enhances every sensation, magnifying it tenfold. I'm literally breathless by the time the song comes to an end.

"Round one goes to Bella and her girls." Edward takes my lips in a deep, thrusting kiss, releasing me just as quickly. "Let's grab another drink."

I smirk, acknowledging his defeat. "I have no doubt you'll rebound quite nicely before the night's over."

He grins, leaning in and taking my hand. "Round two starts right now."

* * *

 **SURPRISE! I killed it with word count this week. This chapter felt necessary and also like filler to me—I hate filler, so I added some more UST to keep you primed and ready ;)**

 **I'm to the big Jasper talk right now on the next chapter, so barring something catastrophic, you'll have it next week and hopefully the final chapter a week later. I "may" do a small epi, also.**

 **I'm off to Orlando for the passholder opening of Sesame Street at SeaWorld this weekend, but I'll be back at it Monday. As long as my mojo sticks around, we'll be wrapping this one up soon :)**


	15. The Final Hurdle

**Super special thanks to my fabulous pre-readers, Sunshine1220 and 2browneyes, for offering me their thoughts. Credit for all mistakes (or lack thereof) goes to me :D :P :D :P**

* * *

Our epic night out lasts until Club Vanquish closes. We throw back alcohol and spin on the dance floor until they're ready to toss us out. Edward keeps his promise and tortures me silently once we're back at his condo, and we fall into a deep sleep just after four in the morning.

We all wake Sunday, late and lazy, with barely enough time for me to scramble together some brunch before Edward has to drop them at Sea-Tac. Tears fall as I say goodbye—for now—to my friends, and my heart is heavy once they're gone, but it's also happy.

It's been a great weekend.

Now it's off to Forks until the day after Christmas, when I'll join Edward in Chicago to stay through New Year's. A slight pang of panic moves through me at the thought of visiting my dad, but it only lasts for a split second. I'm happy for him. I'm happy that he has someone, and I plan to make it my mission to get to know Sue better while I'm there.

"You feel okay?" Edward asks, tightening his hand around mine on the center console. "You're mighty quiet."

"I had a second of panic, but I'm over it."

"About?" he asks, glancing my direction.

"You know." I motion my hands, not really able to state what I mean. "Last time I was home."

He chuckles. "Oh, that. Cut the man some slack."

"I am." I take a deep breath and release it. "I'm over it."

"Good." He lifts our clasped hands and kisses the back of mine. "This week without you is going to be hard."

"I know." I sigh, bringing my leg up and tucking my foot beneath my knee as I angle toward him. "Next year, we do parent visits together."

He cocks a brow and plants his eyes on mine—road be damned. "That's a fucking deal."

The rest of the drive passes with idle chatter, and only Mrs. Cope is there to great me when we pull up. After hugs all around, because of course she loves Edward, she scurries out of the cold and back into her toasty house. Saying goodbye for the second time in two days is hard, and I get even more emotional this time.

"Call me when you get settled," I say, nervously running my fingers through his tousled hair. "I'll worry."

He grabs my fidgety hand and kisses my fingertips. "It'll be late."

"Not so much here."

"Right." He steps closer, palming my cheek. "I love you, Bella."

"I love yo—"

His lips cut me off as they attack mine. This kiss is tinged with desperation and melancholy. It's also full of passion and possession, a stark reminder of who I belong to, and what I'll be missing over the next week or so.

He breaks away and presses his forehead into mine. "Merry Christmas, baby."

"I have something for you, but I'll bring it to Chicago."

"I have something for you, too, but I agree," he says, kissing my lips one more time and stepping back, severing the connection. "We should wait."

He presses a kiss to his thumb and reaches out, running it along my bottom lip before turning and strutting to his car. It takes all I have not to give chase, but my saving grace is knowing that when I make it to Chicago, the final hurdle will be right there waiting.

The first two days in Forks pass like normal, with Dad working most of the day and me making sure he has something decent to eat each night. Talk is small between us, but that's always been who we are, so when he offers to take me out for night three, I'm not surprised.

"Are you going to bring Sue along?" I ask, lifting a challenging brow. "Or will you just make her serve us again."

"Brat." He swats me with the newspaper as I grab his plate. "I'll invite her along, if you're sure."

"I'd be thrilled to get to know her better," I reply, beaming.

He slaps the table and stands. "That settles it then." With a kiss to my head and a wave over his shoulder, he's out the door for another day of work.

The bulk of my day is spent hanging at the reservation with a few of my friends. Later that afternoon I return home to get ready and meet Sue and my dad. The Diner's nowhere as fancy as The Lodge, but the food's good, and I imagine Sue had rather eat somewhere other than where she works.

Charlie's cruiser is already in the lot by the time I pull in, and I can see him and Sue seated at a booth by the window. I watch them silently for a moment before yanking open the door and heading inside. The bell announces my entrance, and my dad stands as I approach.

"There she is." He motions to the opposite side of the booth. "Have a seat. I ordered you a Sprite, if that's okay?"

"Perfect," I say, sliding across the cracked vinyl and catching my dad's girlfriend's eye. "Nice to see you again, Sue."

"My pleasure, Bella." She smiles. "I'm excited you invited me along. I think we're going to be great friends."

"I have no doubt."

Dinner is a lively affair with Dad's new companion, but I have to say, she balances him perfectly. His ears turn red a time or two at her constant praise, but her sparky, upbeat personality is exactly what Charlie needs to lighten up his life.

By the time the weekend hits, I'm sad and lonely, even though Sue has done everything in her power to make my trip more enjoyable. She's brought dinner once and come by at lunch on her day off just to give me someone to spend time with other than Mrs. Cope—not that I don't adore her.

Saturday night, I'm moping in my room after declining an invite from Dad and Sue to the local VFW Club for Bingo. Edward and I are sharing texts, but they're few and far between at the moment. He's at dinner with his family and is having to sneak-text underneath the table. I should feel guilty, but I don't.

I miss him terribly.

It's later that night before he finally sneaks away and calls. I snatch up the phone on the first ring, eager to hear his velvety voice. "Hello!" I facepalm at how desperate I sound.

His warm chuckle greets me. "Hello to you."

I sigh. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," he murmurs.

I snort. "We're a pathetic pair."

"I wouldn't go that far," he replies, laughing. "It's been almost a week, so sure, we're both feeling a little desperate, but the longest part is in the past. We're down to days now."

"Four of them," I breathe, allowing his comforting words to wash away some of the neediness.

"Something like that," he agrees, and I can hear the rustling of his sheets.

"Are you in bed at"—I pause, pulling away my phone and checking the time—"eight o'clock?"

"Sort of," he answers, his voice low and inviting. "I thought we could try something."

Every muscle within me tightens. "Do tell."

Turns out, two hours apart doesn't necessarily mean completely apart. Edward schools me in the ways of mutual self-gratification, and it makes the distance feel less. His low, sexy voice is able to coax things from me I've never been able to accomplish on my own.

Sunday morning dawns gray and cold, with low clouds and random flakes scattering in the wind. I know better than to expect a white Christmas, as a sludgy one is more likely, and this is the one time I hope there isn't. To be trapped here on Wednesday would be my worst nightmare come to life. Thankfully, the sun makes an appearance late in the afternoon and all my fears fade.

Christmas Eve morning I wake to smells of bacon and eggs, and my brows furrow as Charlie only cooks his special omelet, and that's only on Christmas morning. Tossing my blanket aside, I slip on my furry house shoes, make a pit stop in the bathroom and head down, expecting to find Sue at the stove.

I do—but I also find something else.

A lean, gorgeous man is seated at the table sharing the morning paper with my dad. "Edward," I croak.

He smiles, tossing the paper to the table and standing, opening his arms. I dive into them, leaping to wrap my legs around his waist and bury my nose in the crook neck. Inhaling like crazy, I do everything I can to absorb his spicy, manly scent.

His arms hold me tight and we rock slowly from side to side, until a throat clears, taking Edward's attention away from me. "Morning, Bella," my dad says. "Sit. Have some breakfast. Sue was kind enough to cook for us."

I take one more filling breath and lift my head, seeking my dad's girlfriend. "Thank you, Sue." My eyes pan to my love, and I smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't do it," he replies, shifting his arms to release his hold on my legs. "I wanted to spend Christmas with you."

"What did Esme say?"

"She bought my ticket." His smile is blinding as I slip my feet to the floor and stand before him. "She's going nuts to see you again."

"Same here." I take his hand and tug him into his seat, refusing to release it as we join Dad at the table. "Good morning." I eye the platter filled with bacon and eggs and pancakes. "Wow, this looks amazing," I say, beaming at Sue. "Will you be here in the morning? Dad always makes his Charlie Swan's Christmas Omelet Special."

Her eyes widen and jump to Charlie, who merely looks at her with a twitching mustache. "Might as well," he says with a shrug. "Edward will be on the couch, and Bella's not dumb anyway. I've missed having you here."

Memories from my last visit flash through my head, so I clear my throat and point my finger between them. "No hanky panky with Bella in the house."

"Deal." Dad nods, pointing two fingers. "Same goes for you two."

With a clear agreement, we carry on with our day. As usual, Dad has to work, but since Sue has the day off, she agrees to take care of dinner. I drag Edward out of the house and down to the reservation to meet my childhood friends, and when we return, Mrs. Cope catches us before we go inside. We spend an hour with her, much to her delight, before inviting her over for dinner.

Christmas morning is bright and sunny and cold, barely above zero. But knowing Edward is just downstairs warms me from the inside out. I bound from the bed, the smell of my dad's omelet leading the way. I find everyone already in the living room, gathered around our small coffee table.

"Morning." Edward beams at my appearance. "We've been waiting for you."

Dad is perched in his recliner and Sue is on the far end of the sofa nearest him. I make my way to Edward and settle close beside him, noticing other things as I do so. Our tree has more presents beneath it than it's had since I was seven, and there are hash browns and steaming hot cocoa on the coffee table to accompany the omelet.

"Let's dig in," Dad says, motioning to the plates. "I'm excited to see what's in all those packages." He rubs his hands together like an excited kid.

Breakfast is a quick affair, as everyone is curious about the extra gifts. Charlie and I give our usual items of fishing gear for him and a book store card for me, but there are two extra people here this year, and apparently, they brought presents.

Most items are generic and impersonal while also being thoughtful and aimed at pleasing the intended person. Dad and Edward exchange convenience store/airport gift shop items, and it makes me smile widely.

When we're down to only a few gifts, Dad clears his throat. "Maybe we should do the couple ones in private."

"I'd like that." I smile, grabbing Edward's gift and motioning for him to do the same. "We'll be in my room."

"Leave the door open," Dad calls from behind me, but I know he's only joking when I hear his chuckle chase me up the stairs.

The next morning is filled with warm hugs and loving goodbyes as I leave my dad, knowing he has someone to watch after him. Nerves settle inside me when I think of what's to come, but when I look to the man driving us to Sea-Tac, it all fades away.

Jasper has no power here.

Esme bombards me when I enter her home. "Bella, I'm so pleased to see you, dear." She holds me tightly to her before pulling back and studying me carefully. "You look absolutely beautiful. Has my son been treating you well?" She lifts a testy brow. "The truth this time."

"He's the best." I smile to reassure her. "I promise, Esme. He'd make you proud."

"Lovely." She smiles too—finally. "We'll have to talk more later, but why don't you go get settled right now. I know you've had a long drive and then a flight to top it off. We have time."

Edward kisses the side of his mother's head and takes my hand, leading me up to his room. Nothing's changed inside, and it's comforting, in a way.

"Do you want a nap?" Edward asks, dropping our luggage and coming up to wrap his arms around me from behind.

I sigh. "I'd rather speak with Jasper."

"Now?" Edward asks, spinning me in his arms.

"I want it behind me," I say, nodding. "I want this week to be magical, and it can't be if this is constantly hanging over our heads. I don't want to have to avoid him until we talk." I take a deep breath and release it. "I'm ready now."

Edward kisses me soundly, a firm press of his lips. "I know how amazing you are, and you're still able to surprise me sometimes. I love you, Bella. No matter what you and him discuss, remember that."

"Stop," I whisper, brushing my thumb along his lower lip. "I don't care if you kicked his ass and sent him packing. Your and his relationship has no power over this." I motion between us. "This is my present and my future."

He takes my hand and kisses my fingertips. "I'll make the call."

Two hours later, Edward is dropping me off at a local coffee shop. I put one foot in front of the other until I'm inside the door. Jasper is settled in a chair in the far corner with his focus on a magazine. He looks almost the same as last time I saw him, and a pang stabs me in the chest.

He stands as soon as sees me, his hands wringing in front of him. "Bella," he says, moving in for a hug and then catching himself. "Sorry. It's been a long time."

I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. "Jasper," I say, but it comes out more like a whisper. I clear my throat and try again. "It _has_ been a long time."

His head bobs as he slips his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels. "It's good to see you."

I tilt my head, unable to return the sentiment at this time. "I'm ready to get this behind me."

"Ahh," he says, dropping back into his chair and motioning to the one opposite him. "Have a seat then. I wouldn't want to hold you up." His tone is sarcastic, and my hackles rise.

"Don't," I warn, taking the offered seat. "You don't get to be a smartass to me. Not after what you did."

He pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. "I apologize," he says, leaning forward and propping his elbows on his knees. "I'm sorry for so many things, and yet, here I am fucking things up before we've even begun."

"Contrary to how that sounded, I'm not here to just get this behind me," I say, correcting myself. "You're important to Edward, and you were once a valued friend. I'd like to return to that. I'm just not sure the path is as easy as we'd like it to be."

"So you think it's possible for you to forgive me?" he asks, his deep blue eyes sincere.

"I do." I nod once. "But I need to understand. Why would you, my _supposed_ friend, intentionally hurt me in such a cruel and cold way?"

Those same blue eyes fall to the floor in shame. "It wasn't you I was trying to hurt."

I smack the small round table that sits between us, my ire getting the best of me, causing his gaze to snap to mine. "That's _not_ good enough."

"I know." He holds my stare. "And it's a partial lie," he admits, his shoulders slumping. "I absolutely did intend to hurt Edward. I _knew_ it'd destroy him, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I knew you'd get hurt in the process. The pain you were going to suffer wasn't enough to stop me, and for that I'm more sorry than I could ever express with mere words."

An ache thumps in my chest, a visceral reminder of the pain I went through at the time. "Strangely enough, I understand that part of it."

"Really?" His brows creep up his forehead. "I don't see how. I fucked up major."

"Yeah, you did," I say, my head bobbing along with his words. "What you did to me was calculated and heartless, but …" I pause, taking a deep breath and releasing it. "I understand why you did it. I can see how the things Edward and me were doing could drive _his boyfriend_ to react in such a negative way."

"Oh boy," he says, leaning back and locking his hands together behind his head. "I need to be completely honest here." He smooths down his blond locks and rubs his hands together to dispel the nervous tension. "That day I caught you and Edward making out?" He pauses, waiting for my nod of acknowledgement. "We got into a huge fight later that night. I accused him of being in love with you. I begged him to just admit it and go be with you, but he denied it. Even though he could no longer stand my touch, he still wasn't willing to admit he'd fallen for you."

"I don't think he realized he had," I say softly, trying to share my perspective from back then. "Even afterward when we talked, he was still so confused."

"He was," Jasper replies, his jaw tense. "And I realized that later, but at the time, I couldn't see it. I saw it between you in just those couple minutes, and his refusal to admit it pissed me off. That's what pushed me beyond the point of no return."

"I'm sorry," I say without thought. "I can't imag—"

"Stop!" he interrupts, leaning forward and taking my hand. "Please, don't. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for."

"I am, though." I squeeze his fingers. "I knew something wasn't right, that there was something holding him back. I just never imagined it was this." I release his hand and motion toward him. " _You._ "

He chuckles then, but there's nothing funny. "It didn't look like he was holding back."

A flash of shame creeps through me, but I remind myself that I was an unwilling participant. "I suppose not," I say, remembering our bold actions in their apartment, even after Jasper had shown up. "But he was."

Jasper nods, scratching his scruffy chin. "Which says a lot," he replies, lifting his cup of coffee. "If that was holding back, I never had a real shot of keeping him."

A pang of sadness moves through me. "Why do you say that?"

He returns his cup to the table, studying me. "How much did Edward tell you? Everything?"

"Oh, no," I respond, shaking my head vehemently. "I don't feel it's my business, to be perfectly honest, but he did share how your relationship formed."

"Wow." He palms his forehead. "Edward told me how amazing you are, but I had no idea you were this perfect." I open my mouth to dispute him, but he waves me off. "No, let me finish. We both knew you were an awesome person, one of our closest friends, which is why we settled on you for this _stupid_ idea. We thought we could be mostly honest about the backstory, and since we already had a great friendship, no one would be hurt when we eventually came out." He pauses and looks off into the distance. "I knew within the first week that that we'd made a huge mistake, that _I'd_ made a huge mistake."

My brows lift. "I'm not sure I understand. Nothing real happened between Edward and me until after Christmas."

"Maybe not." He snorts. "But I've known Edward for almost my entire life, and he was different within days. He turned into this smiling, whistling, happy guy." He shakes his head. "I tried to call the whole thing off. I offered to come out and tell everyone, but he refused at that point, citing how much it would hurt you since we'd already lied."

My mouth pops open, but no words come. This _is_ a revelation, a shocking one, but I push away the small amount of resentment it makes me feel. If the time Edward and I spent together in the first week of this arrangement was enough to kick off a change in him, then I can't fault him for wanting to hold onto it and explore where it would take him. I can, however, fault him for the eventual path we found ourselves on, and I already have.

This new information changes nothing.

"I had no idea," I say softly, leaning forward and catching his eyes. "But I guess this makes your point even more valid." At his furrowed brows, I elaborate. "About being unable to hold onto him."

"Ouch." He taps his fist against his chest. "You don't pull any punches, huh?"

"Not about this," I answer, clasping my hands. "This was the most painful experience of my life, and it took work to move past it. The only way forward is with complete honesty."

"You're right," he agrees, nodding. "We failed you terribly back then, and we also failed each other. I've long been sorry for my part, and I'm relieved you've given me the opportunity to tell you in person."

"It's as much for me as it is for you." A small smile tips up the corners of my lips. "I needed to hear your reasons, but at the same time, I already understood why you did it." I pause, pushing a curl behind my ear. "Edward was cheating on you, practically in your face. It'd be so easy to paint him as a horrible boyfriend, and yet, you aren't doing that. I'd love to know why."

"Honestly …" He blows out a breath, giving himself a moment. "I've known Edward for almost as long as I can remember. I've loved him for the last quarter of that time. He's neither a malicious person nor a cheater. It hurt when all this happened, but it killed me to watch him fall apart afterward. To see him pine for you and know it was my fault you wouldn't speak to him. When he realized you'd left Brown…" He shakes his head. "We were working hard to maintain our friendship at that point, and that almost destroyed it. I was tempted to hunt you down myself."

I remember my ache at the time, and for some reason, it makes me feel better to know, _to_ _hear firsthand_ , that Edward felt it all just as deeply. "Wow." The back of my eyes burn, and I blink them rapidly. "That was a painful time for us all."

"It was," he agrees, looking pensive. "I'm not sure what set you on the path to healing, but for me, it was our return to Chicago and coming out. My life slowly started getting better after that."

"Ahh, yes." I draw up visions of Edward and his summer journey of discovery. "I think it may have taken Edward and me a little longer, but I'd never trade where we are now for anything."

"It's written all over you, both of you," Jasper says, his eyes shining. "I've never seen my best friend this happy."

"Ugh." Again, those pesky tears threaten.

"I never expected this to be so cathartic." He holds out a napkin. "I've been wanting to apologize for a long time, but I didn't realize how much better it was going to make me feel."

"I'm glad it was able to do that for you," I say, tossing the napkin in the small trash bin and leaning forward. "For us to be able to move forward, there are a few things I want to make perfectly clear." I tick off my first finger. "I think your and Edward's friendship is a powerful connection and it is absolutely worth keeping, for you both, but I won't allow there to be any disillusions." I tick off a second finger. "Edward is mine. We're in love, and I don't see that wavering any time soon, if ever. There had better not _ever_ be a time when you try to manipulate or change anything about us." I unfold the third finger. "And finally, Jasper, I forgive you. I would love for us all to be friends again and share our lives …" I pause, taking a deep breath. "But not too closely."

Unexpectedly, he tosses his head back and chuckles heartily. "Only you, Buzzy B. Only you would lay down the law and forgive me all in one long breath." As he says this, he lifts up and pulls his wallet from his pocket, taking out a folded photo. "I have someone, and I can honestly say, he's the best things that's ever happened to me."

I unfold the strip of pictures, like what you get from a photo booth, and I smile. "You look happy and in love," I remark, the adoration shining between the two blond men. "What's his name?"

"Why don't I introduce you instead?" he asks, taking the strip and shoving it back into his wallet. "We can have dinner in a day or two. The four of us?"

I tilt my head, not opposed to the idea. "That could work. Of course, I'd have to see what Edward thinks."

"Of course," he replies. "Speaking of … I believe he's parked at the curb. Just have him text me."

I shoulder my purse strap and turn, spotting the rental idling outside. "That's him," I say, standing.

Before I can say anything more, Jasper's arms are around me and he's holding tightly. I don't resist. I absorb his physical apology, and I may even return the hug with a slight thank you of my own. In the end, he paid the worst price.

He lost Edward, and I gained everything.

* * *

 **Hello, my beautiful readers! This is a long anticipated talk, and I'm excited to hear your thoughts! There will be 1 more chapter to this fic, and there are a few things that I need to cover so, much like this one, it'll probably be long.**

 **I won't rule out the idea of a Not-an-Epi for this story, also. It's always-meant-to-be end happens next chapter, but I'm not opposed to sharing my overall vision afterward.**

 **SeaWorld and Sesame Street were amazing! I had a fab time.**

 **See you as soon as it's ready :)**


	16. Snowflakes

**Super thanks to 2browneyes for doing all the heavy lifting this week, since Sunshine1220 is off gallivanting all over America and not at home watching GOT like I told her to!**

 **All mistakes are mine :P**

* * *

I spin, and the flowy blue skirt flairs out around me. "That's beautiful, dear," Esme says, holding out yet another dress. "But I'd love to see you shine with this festive red."

Looking in the mirror, I appraise the current option. "It does feel like my usual, huh?" I turn, taking the hanger from her. "This one may be a little too different, though."

"Nonsense," Esme says, waving me off. "It's both stylish and chic while also being age appropriate and comfortable."

"Fine," I relent, returning to the dressing room and removing the blue dress. "This one would require a new purse and shoes."

"All the better," Esme replies from her bench just outside the door. "I feel like this coming year is the start of something fresh and magical. What better way to ring it in, than out with the old and in with the new?"

I rehang the blue dress and open the door a crack to hand it out. "That's a lovely idea," I tell her, smiling. "I have a feeling tomorrow night is going to be perfect."

"Of course it is." Her eyes twinkle with suppressed glee. Edward has informed me that he has a surprise, but he won't tell me what it is. It's clear from her expression that he's told his mother. "Speaking of nights, how was dinner with Jasper? What did you think of Jamie?"

I pull the door closed and take the dress from its hanger. "He was great. I was shocked when I first met him, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that they fit perfectly."

"They do," she agrees with a sigh. "I'm so happy that everyone was able to get through that awful situation without permanent scars."

"For a while there, I wasn't sure," I say, slipping the shirt dress over my head. "It was hard."

The top half is like a regular long sleeved button-up, with wide red stripes and thin white ones that run straight down the sleeves, and then they angle toward the center on my chest where it buttons closed. At the waist is a wide black belt that separates the two halves, and the bottom stripes form a Chevron pattern as the skirt flares out around me and lands mid-thigh.

"I know, dear," Esme responds, her tone sympathetic. "You can imagine my surprise when Edward showed up for summer break. He looked terrible. His cheeks were hollowed out, and he had dark circles under his eyes. My first assumption was that you'd broken up, but boy did he give me a shock."

"I'm sorry we lied," I say, pushing open the door and stepping out. "I realize now how wrong it was to accept his bargain and play with people's emotions."

"None of that, dear." She takes my hands and spreads them, looking over the dress. "The red looks marvelous on you." She adjusts the collar so it's folded properly in place. "I was broken-hearted that Edward felt he couldn't come to me before then, but I also understand it wasn't only his decision." She steps back, her hand on her chin. "Spin." I obey, and she continues, "I would've been delighted with a future son-in-law as well as I'm going to be with my daughter-in-law."

"Oh, Esme, I d—"

"Not hearing it, young lady," she says, motioning back to the dressing room. "My son is more in love than I've ever seen him. You've added something extra to his life, and it makes me so happy to witness that evolution in him."

I pause before shutting the door. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear." She pushes the door closed. "Now get out of that dress, and let's move on to the shoes and clutch."

Later that night, after an exhausting day of shopping, I'm settled in Edward's tub with bubbles up to my chin when a soft rap echoes in the room. "Come in," I call, knowing who it is.

That beautiful grin lights his face as soon as he realizes I'm still in the tub. "Damn it. I was hoping to catch you naked."

I wiggle my brows. "I am naked."

He settles on the edge of the large tub and runs his fingers through the bubbles, scattering them. "Don't tempt me."

"That's all I want to do," I reply, lifting a handful of the suds and blowing them all over him. "I want to tempt and tease and drive you mad. I'm done waiting, Edward. I want you."

"Shit," he hisses, adjusting himself. "I want you, too, baby. I also want it to be special, and if you let me, I'll make damn sure to give you a night you'll never forget."

"Tonight?" A nervous flutter moves through me.

He brushes bubbles from my cheek and sticks them to the end of my nose. "I was thinking tomorrow night?"

Memories from last New Year's Eve dance behind my lids. "Full circle?"

"Exactly." He leans over and pecks the corner of my mouth before standing with a contented sigh. "Mom said dinner will be ready in thirty."

"Thanks," I say, pulling the drain so I can rinse with the shower. "I'll be down soon."

Edward walks backward, and I may or may not mess with him the whole way to the door, pretending like I'm going to give him a peek and then not following through. He finally turns, running straight into the doorjamb before whipping back around, causing me to giggle. Feeling emboldened by his need, I stand, covered only in pillowy white bubbles.

"Jesus, baby," he groans, his hungry gaze devouring me. "You're killing me here."

"Good." I pull the almost-clear shower curtain closed and start the water, snickering to myself.

We have an amazing dinner of roasted lamb with baby maple glazed carrots, and then we retire to the basement for a rousing game of Monopoly. This is the first night this week where Carlisle has been home, and it's nice to spend some time with the nerdish, but still sexy as hell, man. He's intelligent, funny, and so in love with Esme that it makes me want to weep. I look at him, _them_ , and I can't help but hope my future is a close mirror to what they have.

"Go to jail," I say, laughing as Edward pouts. "Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, and do not collect two hundred dollars."

Edward lifts his wheelbarrow and drops it on the corner. "You own the whole row. Did you stack the deck?" He lifts a teasing brow and leans in, tickling me like crazy.

I laugh and try to turn away, accidentally bumping the board. I freeze. "Oops. I didn't mean to do that," I say hurriedly, looking between Esme and Carlisle.

"What?" Edward asks, leaning close. "You mean this." He bumps the board again, this time scattering most of my hotels.

"No!" I yell, trying to right them.

"Oh, yes," he replies, smirking. "I'm so over this game."

My jaw drops in astonishment as the board goes careening to the carpet. "What are you doing?"

"I take it you've never played Monopoly with my son?" Esme asks, lifting a brow.

My eyes narrow as I spear him with an incredulous glare. "I haven't, and I can assure you I never again will." I huff, crossing my arms.

But he's having none of it because he moves in and uncrosses my arms, taking my hands in his. "Sorry, baby." He's so not, but I humor his fake yawn. "I'm beat. Please don't be mad."

He presses a kiss to my hand, and then my arm, and then my neck, and then my mouth. I can't even pretend to care about the game anymore. Carlisle was giving us all a good butt kicking anyway.

Murmuring from his parents captures my attention, and I push Edward away so I can apologize for his rudeness. "I've had a lovely evening. It was wonderful to get to know you better, Mr. Cullen. Maybe next time we'll exclude Edward from the start."

"I feel lucky to have had this time, Bella," Edward's father says with a tilt of his head. "Please, call me Carlisle. I have a feeling this is only the first of many holiday visits to come."

"Abso-fucking-lutely," Edward says, pulling me up from my spot on the floor and winding his arms around my waist once I'm standing. "Though I have to say, you two should probably buy a place in Seattle. We'd love to host you for Christmas or Thanksgiving."

I'm too surprised by his comment to respond, and I get lost in my head as the conversation continues around me. Esme sounds delighted as she starts yammering a mile a minute. Meanwhile, all I can think is how he just basically announced that Seattle is our home, and what's more, that he'd like us to host a holiday there.

Together.

Esme giggles, bringing me back to the moment. "You'll sell me the loft? Really?" she asks, placing her hand on her chest. "Why, that would be lovely." She turns to me, shaking her head. "Isn't he such a wonderful son? He's already trying to sell my gift— _back_ _to me_."

"Edward," I mock-scold, turning in his arms and trying my best to keep a teasing tone when all I really want is to get him to his room and … talk. "Your condo is perfect for you. Why on earth would you try to get rid of it."

"Seriously?" His brows pucker. "I want _us_ to have a home. A place to entertain our families during the holidays, and I don't think the condo fits the bill."

My mouth pops open, but no words come right away. I have to close it, swallow and try again, the emotions overwhelming me. "I wasn't even sure we were going to stay in Seattle and here you are wanting to buy us a place together. I don't know what to say."

"What?" he asks, his large palm cupping my cheek. "Of course we're staying in Seattle. Where you are, I am. Remember?"

"But …" I pause, noticing that Esme and Carlisle are sneaking up the stairs. "Don't you want to look into other colleges for grad school? U-Dub is nice, but you could get into somewhere much more prestigious." I reach up and grip his pretty face between my fingers. "I don't want you to settle because of me. I can go anywhere and be fine. _You_ deserve excellence."

Edward smirks and takes my hand, dragging me to the sofa and pulling me onto his lap. "I love the gesture," he starts, gripping my chin, "but it's unnecessary. I'm going to be a pediatrician, not a trauma surgeon. And while I want to be a good doctor, even the most basic program will provide me with the skills necessary to accomplish that."

"Are you sure?"

He leans up and presses a soft kiss to my lips, pulling back slightly. "I'm absolutely sure." His brows gather in the center of his forehead. "You haven't enrolled yet?" My eyes fall closed, and I shake my head. "Baby," he sighs, cupping my nape and pulling me just a breath away. "The deadline's next month. I thought we already had an unspoken agreement."

I shrug, suddenly feeling a sense of urgency. "I guess it all slipped my mind in the midst of rebuilding us. I'll make sure to do it as soon as we get back." I kiss him softly, slowly. "If you're absolutely sure you're okay with staying in Seattle."

He returns my kiss, his tongue teasing my lips. "I love it there." Open mouthed, he makes another pass. "I love _you_." He makes one more before urging me from his lap. "Let's go to bed." Taking my hand, he leads me up the two flights of stairs.

I'm surprised when we slip beneath the sheets and he refuses to pick up where we left off in the basement. He cites the desire to hold back tonight in order to make tomorrow even better, and the anticipation ramps up almost instantly. I burn for him to be inside me, and I have no doubt it's going to be the best night of my life.

The next morning starts with a lovely family breakfast, where I'm once again treated to a spectacular view of a seriously loving couple. Carlisle and Esme are amazing in their support of one another and the understanding of each of their roles. He's the hard worker, and she's the one who sees to the home and all of their charitable efforts. It's beautiful to witness, really, and I can only hope to attain that level of harmony with Edward in the future.

Edward takes me to a bistro down the street for lunch, and when we return, we disappear upstairs to get ready for the big party. While he's in the shower, I meticulously lay out my underwear, dress, shoes and purse. Then I go to my bag and pull out the diamond earrings and necklace Edward bought me for Christmas.

It's a good thing we went to my room to open the presents, as I broke down into tears as soon as I opened the box. Here I am giving him a token gift of a physician-grade stethoscope with Doctor Cullen engraved on the back of the diaphragm, and he's giving me expensive jewelry. The earrings and pendant are both snowflake shaped, with a larger diamond in the center and smaller baguettes that spread from it to form the unique angles of the flake itself.

The bathroom door opens and steam surrounds the toned body that's barely covered by a small towel tied low around the waist. The man himself is smirking as he struts across the room and wiggles his shapely buns before disappearing into his walk-in closet.

"Hmph." I start tossing clothes as I go, all the way into the bathroom, not even bother closing the door.

Two can play this game.

I hum as I shower, making sure not to be quiet about it. I have the water on a little warmer than I like, but the heat creates delicious Edward-punishing steam. When the blow dryer turns on across the room, I smirk to myself and arch my back as I stretch up my arms to pretend-rinse my hair.

"I know what you're doing," Edward warns, temporarily turning off the dryer. "And it's not going to work. I only have about eight more hours to go, and I'm damn sure not breaking now."

I peek around the translucent curtain. "What's that, baby? I didn't hear you."

"Right" He shakes his wet bronze locks, turning on the blow dryer without a care in the world.

I stare at his magnificent bare torso for a minute longer before pulling the curtain closed and finishing my business. In the end, I wonder who got the best end of that deal because I'm left feeling aching and needy.

By the time I'm out, he's no longer upstairs, and I sigh in relief, not sure how much more I can take. Getting dressed and applying minimal makeup is the easy part, but when it comes to my hair, I end up standing before the mirror with a brush and some clips unsure how to proceed.

I try several different styles before I finally settle with piling it all atop my head and inserting a couple clips to hold it in place. Then I very carefully select several small sections to spiral with the iron and hang around my face. After a decent amount of work and a lot of hairspray, I'm finally able to move on to my earrings.

Just as I lift my necklace, the door opens and my breath is stolen as my boyfriend steps into the room. His hair is arranged in artful chaos and his navy suit is cut to perfection, accentuating every curve and highlighting each muscle of his taut frame. His trim waist is in perfect contrast to his broad shoulders, and his long, lean legs cause my thighs to involuntarily clench when I imagine them supporting me against a wall later tonight.

He comes to a stop inches from my back, his breath blowing against the skin just above the collar of my shirt-dress. "You look beautiful," he murmurs, placing a soft kiss at my hairline. "May I?"

He takes the two sides of the clasp from my shaky fingers and brings it around my neck. My body quakes with need in the silence of the simple moment. His closeness, his attention to detail, the idea that in only hours from now I will have him completely. It's all almost too much, but as always, Edward has ways of making every wonderful moment even more perfect.

He releases the necklace and grips my shoulders, spinning me to face him and taking my hands. "A year ago today I was being swept away in a torrent of emotions I had no control over and didn't fucking understand, but it's different now. Today is different. I've figured it all out. I know who I am and who I want to spend my life with, and while a proposal would be considered madness with only a few good months under our belt, a fucking promise wouldn't." He lets go of my right hand and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a ring that matches my necklace and earrings. Taking my left hand, he slips it into place as he continues. "Snowflakes are amazing because each one is unique, and the same can be applied to people. I've found my one. The unique soul on this planet who completes me." He brings my hand up and kisses the ringed finger. "This snowflake is my promise to you. I swear to be your one for the rest of our lives. We can go as fast or as slow as we'd like, as long as we do it together." He moves even closer, gripping my nape and pressing our foreheads together. "Do you accept my promise, Bella?"

Tears are rolling down my cheeks, and I can barely catch a breath with the emotion that's rolling through me in waves. I'm overcome with love, lust and sheer devotion. I want this man in so many ways, and right now, I'd just assume toss him onto the bed and skip the party altogether.

"I accept, Edward," I say before smashing my lips against his with the force of a Mac truck.

I'm unaware of my movements as I devour his mouth with my teeth, tongue and lips. At some point I must loosen his tie and start on the buttons of his shirt because he grabs my hands and pulls his lips away, his breaths so heavy he can barely speak.

"We can't," he pants, inhaling deeply. "We're expected at the party in less than an hour."

I yank his tie and pull him eye to eye. "Fuck the party."

"Jesus," he rasps, licking his lips, but unfortunately for me, his strong will kicks in and he pulls back. "If it were only the party, I'd say yes, but there's more and I assure you, you won't want to miss it." He reaches back into his pocket and pulls out something else, waving it in front of me. "Besides, we're staying elsewhere tonight."

My jaw drops as I reach for the hotel key marked with the words Ritz Carlton. "Holy cow!" I exclaim, looking between Edward and the card. "You got us a room?"

"No, baby," he replies, gripping my hips. "I reserved us a suite." He pecks my lips. "A place where we can make as much noise as we like. Where we can frolic completely naked and eat our breakfast while we lie in the bed." He kisses me again, pressing for just a bit longer. "As soon as midnight passes, we're going to escape the party, and I'm going to do things I've only dreamed at this point. We may even need to stay another night if one isn't enough."

I whimper as the ache pulsates in my center. "There's nothing at that party worth waiting for."

"Shh." He brushes his thumb across my lips. "I promise you'll feel differently in just a little while."

"Fine," I agree, begrudgingly. "But if I don't, promise me we'll leave it all behind and ring in the New Year alone."

He kisses away my pout. "Cross my heart."

* * *

 **I know I said this was the last one, but at the 2k mark, Edward sidelined my plans for a party and some bow chica wow wow by deciding he wanted to add to Bella's Christmas gift! I was at 3400 words by the time he was done. I couldn't just skip through the party as I have a few things to accomplish there, so we negotiated and decided to give you this now. I don't suspect the next chapter will make the 3k mark, but who knows? Whatever it is, you'll get it as soon as it's ready.**

 **This chapter refers to what I've always envisioned for this story. Full circle, and New Year's Eve night will bring us there. I'm also hoping to tie up all those pesky little things you still wonder about.**

 **See you one more time :)**


	17. Full Circle

**Thanks to 2browneyes for her help with this chapter. Sunshine1220 IS binging GoT this week, so we can excuse her absence. All mistakes are mine :)**

* * *

The Whitlock house looms bright in the waning evening hours as warm yellow light pours from every visible window. Cars line the curb and people mill about in the snow-dusted yard as we make our way to the beautiful home. A coat check is setup just inside the door, and the toasty heat is inviting in comparison to the cold, crisp outside air.

Mrs. Whitlock is on duty, greeting her guests. "Edward, Bella!" she exclaims, reaching over to give us a quick hug. "You look beautiful, sweetie. Jasper and Jamie are around here somewhere." She ushers us by to greet the next guests just as enthusiastically.

Edward's sexy chuckle reverberates through my body, and his hand slides around to grip my hip as he guides us through the melee. As we pass a server with champagne, he pauses and tilts his head toward the tray. I smirk as I grab two flutes, passing one to his free hand before tapping mine against it and bringing it to my lips.

"Mmm." I hum, enjoying the floral notes that settle on my tongue. "That's nice."

"It is." Edward's hand moves from my waist to settle on my behind. "Perfectly round and firm yet severely overdressed."

My eyes narrow, and I finish the champagne in a single gulp, quickly setting my glass on a passing tray. Then I round on him, backing him into the wall behind him. "I don't think so," I say, brushing my fingers up his chest. "You insisted we come here, so now you're going to play nice. I won't be for tortured another second."

He grins in that sexy way that drives me mad and grips my waist on each side, bringing his lips close to my ear. "You're right," he rasps, pausing, leaving me breathlessly waiting for his next words. "There's a surprise for you, anyway." He pulls back, skimming his lips along my jaw before pressing a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth. "Are you ready?"

I'm not sure there's anything that will convince me to stay much longer, but I suppose I should let him try. "Yes."

He grips my shoulders, glancing beyond me and smiling before he spins me and pulls my back against his chest. At first, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be looking for, but it quickly becomes clear. An unexpected thrill runs through me, and I squeal as I launch myself toward Rose, who happens to be the closest.

"Oh my God," I say, hugging her tightly. "What are you doing here?" I pause, looking at Emmett, Alice and Riley behind her. "All of you."

She pulls back and scrutinizes me, zeroing in on my snowflake. "What's this?" She grabs my finger for closer inspection.

As Rose's wide eyes take in my ring, Alice elbows her way forward. "Oh, my God! Are you engaged?"

"Not just yet," Edward says, stepping to my side and resting his palm on my hip. "But we will be. One day."

"Ugh." Alice wipes away fake tears. "You two are just so perfect. How can the rest of us compete?"

"Don't be ridiculous." I shake my head, laughing. "Emmett and Rose have been perfect for far too many years."

"Right." Emmett rests his arm across Rose's shoulder, and she looks to him lovingly. "We're a match made in heaven. She's my angel."

"See." I motion to their adorable selves, feeling emotional. "I'm just so happy you're all here."

"We sure are, honey," comes a voice from my right, and I smile, knowing instantly who it is. "We've been waiting for you two."

"Jamie," I say, turning to accept his air kiss to each cheek. "Wow." My eyes bulge. "The belle of the ball."

He spins, showing off the shimmery black tuxedo. "You like?"

I take him in, in all his glory. The sparkling suit is cut much like Edward's, close to his body so that it accentuates his frame. In Jamie's case, that's a slim waist and long, lean limbs. His butt-length white-blond hair is braided and then twisted in an intricate design that's placed artfully atop his head. His ice blue eyes are accented with charcoal liner, and the pièce de résistance is his bright red lip and matching red nails.

"I love it," I answer, looking to my other friends. "Does everyone already know Jamie?"

"Yup," Alice answers. "We've been here for a few hours."

"And he's spectacular," Rose says, dusting an imaginary piece of lint from Jamie's suit. "Jasper is one lucky guy."

"I'll drink to that," I say, grabbing a flute off a passing tray.

"Hell yes!" Emmett fist pumps and stops the waiter, making sure we all have a fresh glass of champagne.

"Is this a good surprise?" a sexy low voice asks in my ear, causing a shiver to move over me.

"The best."

Jasper steps forward then, holding up his glass in one hand while the other is laced with Jamie's. "You guys can't know how much it means to have you all here …" His voice cracks, and he looks down, but Jamie moves closer, whispering in his ear. He nods, lifting his eyes. "Edward and me, we fucked over all of you in one way or another, but we didn't mean to. We _so_ fucking didn't mean to, but I think now we can both admit that we're better for it. My best friend has fallen in love. He's found the other half of his soul, and she was right there for so long before he realized it."

His eyes shine as he looks to Edward and me, and I give him a soft smile, while my boyfriend claps his shoulder and nods. "Damn straight."

Jasper chuckles then, releasing some of his pent up emotion, and cuts his eyes to Jamie. "I'm not sure if I can make the same declarations about Jamie and me, but I _am_ sure I'm happier now in my personal life than I've ever been. Jamie's given me something I didn't realize I was missing."

"You know it, babe," Jamie says, causing everyone to laugh, including Jasper.

"Anyway," Jasper starts again, lifting his glass higher. "I want to make a toast to us all. Thank you for putting up with my shit and for forgiving the unforgivable." He pauses, meeting the eye of each and every one of us for a single second. "To friends."

"To friends," us girls and Edward say in unison.

"Hell, yes!" Emmett exclaims, tossing his flute back and gulping his champagne dry.

"Now let's party!" Jamie squeals, throwing his arms in the air. "And I want to dance with you, hot momma."

He grabs a giggly Rose's hand and drags her to the dance floor, and Alice and Riley follow. Emmett and Jasper start a conversation, and I spin in my boyfriend's arms, anchoring my hands around his neck.

We move slowly from side to side as I stare into his pretty green eyes. "When did you invite them?"

"I didn't," Edward replies. "This was all Jasper. You're not the only one he felt he owed an apology. He's spent the days since the two of you talked getting in touch with the others. They were spread all over the US, but he was somehow able to get them here."

"I love it." I stand on my tiptoes to kiss his pretty lips. "I love _you_ , and I'll be happy to spend a few more hours with my friends, since I know that I'll have you all to myself later tonight."

His hands tighten around my back, pulling me flush against him as his lips find my ear. "I think you have that backward," he murmurs, teasing my lobe with his teeth. "I'll be the one having you. Over and over and …"

I step back, not allowing him to push the issue when I barely have control over myself. "Promises, promises," I tease, taking his hand to drag him onto the dance floor. "As someone wise once said, let's party!"

We dance away the evening and well into the night. Everyone takes turns hitting the floor as mix-matched couples or even small groups, while also pouring back glass after glass of champagne. By eleven-thirty, I'm feeling tipsy and happy and eager for the countdown to pass. This night with my friends has been spectacular, but something more is just beyond midnight.

And I'm so over waiting.

"Buzzy," Emmett says, tossing a large arm across my shoulder, almost causing me to collapse under the weight. "I know me being here was a surprise, but I sure do miss your sweets."

I snicker. "Is that a hint?"

His eyes widen and he shakes his head. "Oh, no. I mean, unless you want it to be?"

An abrupt bark of laughter bursts from inside me, and I lift his beefy arm and toss it off my shoulder. "You keep that heavy thing to yourself, and I'll send you a new semester care package. Deal?"

"Yes!" He fist pumps and heads into the fray, stealing Rose from Jamie's arms.

"Four minutes, baby." Edward moves in to stand behind me and kisses the side of my hand. "I almost feel sorry for the Uber guy. He'll spend midnight waiting outside in a car."

"Are you saying the car's already here?" I tense. I know it's crazy, but if the answers is yes, I'll be tempted to spend midnight in a car, also.

Edward chuckles warmly and spins me to face him. "Not happening." He glances to what I imagine are our approaching friends. "One last hoorah, and we're out of here."

The chatty voices come closer, and I smile, turning. I grab onto my girls and hug them like I don't know when I'll see them again, and I don't, but I _do_ know I will. I do the same for Emmett, and Riley also gets a hug, albeit a less emotional one. Jasper's hug is filled with a different emotion, that of a friendship reborn, and Jamie's is full of joy, as he's shines like a beacon of happiness.

 _10_

 _9_

 _8_

I melt into the arms of a man who leaves me no doubt.

 _7_

 _6_

 _5_

 _4_

He grips my nape, his green eyes on fire.

 _3_

 _2_

I'm lost in a haze of lips and skin and tongue, drowning in the same desire that's plagued me for weeks. One hand is splayed against my back, pulling me closer, while the other expertly guides my head, leaving me open to his exploration. I whimper into his mouth, needing more at the same time as I want it over. I'm ready to leave, to be alone, to quench an ache that has settled over me like a second skin.

He grunts, pulling away. "Fuck, baby. We need to leave."

"Now, please."

He doesn't miss a beat, taking my hand and twirling me to face the others. "It's been fun, but Bella and I have plans."

"I'll bet," Alice snarks.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Rose smirks.

"Here, honey. You might need these." Jamie produces a string of condoms from nowhere, and Edward grabs them and quickly shoves them into his pocket, his ears turning red. "Don't be shy, doll."

Edward just shakes his head and tugs my hand. I wave as I pass, an excited shiver racing through me. Emmett does a catcall when we're almost to the door, but we don't pause for anything or anyone. Not even Edward's parents. They, too, only get a wave as Edward's on a mission, and I'm all for it.

The ride to the hotel is a flurry of heavy petting and heated kisses. We practically fall out of the car and race to the elevator. It's no better once we're inside. The small, enclosed space only ramps up the tension that's boiling between us, and I have to pull myself away and catch my breath.

It's sensory overload. My every nerve ending is buzzing with long-suppressed need. I'm on edge and frantic, burning from the inside out, and we're still not quite there yet. The ding of the elevator comes just shy of madness settling in, and Edward reaches for my hand as if in slow motion. The walk to our door passes in a blur, as my head spins and my heart thuds.

The next thing I know, we're inside and my back is pressed against the nearest hard surface. His teeth scrape against my cheek before tugging my lower lip. I moan, snaking out my tongue and challenging him to a battle. One not only of tongues but hands and legs, also. We're a tangled heap, both desperate and horny.

He pulls away suddenly, leaving me breathless. "Come." He tugs my hand, leading me into the bedroom and slamming my back against the closed door. His long, lean fingers grip my throat, and a surge of pure need rushes through me. "Nah, ah, ah," he teases, smirking as I try to pull him closer. "We're going to do this _my_ way, first. I'll be your willing prisoner later."

I swallow, reveling in the feel of his domination. "Hurry." My voice is a whimper, built not from the pressure of his hand but from the ache that threatens to consume me.

His chuckle is dark and sinful, magnifying the pulses that ripple along my nerve endings. "We have all the time in the world."

I shake my head, frantic. I can't take much more. "I feel like I might die if you're not inside me soon."

"Fuck," he whispers, his eyes darkening as he grips the collar of my shirt dress, one hand on each side. "Sorry about this."

He yanks, and top three buttons go flying through the air. My breath leaves me in a whoosh of exhilaration, and Edward's eyes are drawn to my heaving chest. It's barely covered, with only a baby blue mesh bra, which leaves nothing to the imagination.

"This was purposeful," he accuses, licking his lips. "You know I can't resist those beautiful tits."

"The panties match," I taunt, jutting my chest just a little farther. I reach down and start pulling upward, lifting my skirt as I go. "Don't you want to see?"

He steps closer, his powerful thigh pressing between my legs. "Very much so." I thrust my hips, seeking friction, and he complies. "Is this what you want, baby? Is that where it hurts?"

My mouth drops open but no words come, only sighs of pleasure. I'm lost to the ever-brightening light that's building behind my lids, but Edward refuses to give in just yet. He presses his thigh firmly against me, pinning me in place. Gripping the tie to my belt, he tugs it open before stepping back and fisting the already gaping sides of my shirt dress. My eyes widen as they realize his intent, but I'm too late, and it doesn't matter anyway. It's merely another barrier between us. The sound of ripping fabric is satisfying, and I'm left only in see-through undergarments and heels.

His fingers start at my waist, and his hands travel a leisurely journey up my sides, past my breasts and to my shoulders. His eyes are following the same path as his touch, burning my skin. Those lean fingers disappear into my hair, and a look of concentration takes over, until one, and then another, clip plunges to the floor. My long, wavy hair falls around my shoulders and curtains my breasts. He steps back and licks his lips as his eyes rake over me. With a growl that travels straight to my core, he leans in and lifts me bridal style, carrying me to the bed.

As he places me down, I grab his tie. "You're still overdressed."

"I know." He kisses me softly. "I'm not going very far."

I slip off my heels and kick them to the floor, my eyes intent on Edward. He steps back, his fingers beginning with his tie and then moving to the buttons of his shirt. With the reveal of each new slice of skin, my blood burns hotter. From his toned chest to his strong back muscles and lean, muscular legs, the man before me is a perfect specimen— _my_ perfect specimen.

My thighs clench, the anticipation overwhelming. Trailing my palms to my breasts, I unsnap the front clip and push them together in my need to release some of the mounting pressure. Edward tosses one sock and then another, a foil packet gripped between his teeth. He's completely bare, and his usual light green eyes are as dark as an evergreen in the winter as he crawls onto the bed.

The intensity of his movements is similar to that of a tiger stalking its prey, and I'm the willing spotted deer—greedy for him to devour me. Settling on his knees, he grips the wrapper and rips it open. I follow his every move as his talented fingers roll the latex over his hardened cock. He pumps once, then twice, before releasing and placing his palms on my calves.

They trail upward, slow and torturously. When he reaches the flimsy blue material covering me, he fists and yanks, pulling the scrap away. His fingers ghost ever so slightly against my wetness before continuing their upward path. Removing my hands from my breasts, he traps them above my head, and a sharp pang of want shoots through me.

"Edward," I whimper, squirming. "Not another … minute." I swallow, pushing past the urge to slam his to his back and have my way. "Please."

"Fuck, baby," he murmurs, trailing his free hand down my arm to cup one of my breasts. "You're so fucking beautiful splayed out like this. A feast for my senses."

His thumb brushes against my nipple, and it pebbles, lifting to his touch. But then his fingers roam down, over my clenched abdomen and beyond the small patch of hair that leads to my most sensitive place. My hips thrust as they settle on my clit, pressing and circling.

His tongue snakes out and runs across his bottom lip, a look of pure concentration adorning his pretty face. "You like that," he rasps, his eyes making a slow progression from his fingers to my eyes.

I nod, eager for him to fill me. "Please, Edward."

He mashes his lips against mine in a sudden move of passion and possession. I'm drowning in sensation as his taste overwhelms me and the feel of his fingers is driving me mad. He abruptly pulls away, all of him at once, and I'm reaching, clawing, clinging to him as he braces over me and pushes his cock through my slit.

"Goddamn it," he grunts, gritting his teeth.

But I'm having none of it, as soon as the tip slips inside, I thrust upward, impaling myself on his cock. "Aghhh," I moan, pulling my hips back and thrusting again. "So good."

He's frozen above me, jaw tightly clenched, neither pulling away nor advancing his position. I don't give him a reprieve, though, anchoring my hands on his shoulders and riding his cock from beneath, and it feels … glorious.

Thick and hard and deep.

After several gratifying strokes, Edward finally regains control. He growls, hooking one leg over his elbow and thrusting even deeper, filling me like I haven't been in so very long. His eyes are boring into mine, and I fight like crazy to maintain that contact, to continuing looking in his adoring eyes, but all becomes too much. I'm floating on a breeze, ready to be swept away with the first strong wind.

"I love you, Bella," he rasps before attacking my lips.

The combination of so many parts of him inside me is sensory overload, and for one brief moment, I'm weightless. I'm floating, rising higher and higher until there's nowhere else to go. And then I tumble, cascading down as ripples of pure bliss shimmer through me.

His satisfied grunt chases after me, and he stills, releasing my leg. I take it, along with my other three limbs, and enclose them around him, urging him to collapse on top of me.

In the silence that follows, all that can be heard are our heavy breaths and thundering hearts. But that's what's so beautiful about this relationship. Words are no longer necessary. The feelings between us are strong and everlasting. I don't expect there to ever be a time when they cease to exist.

And that's not just the safe bet.

It's a bet I'm willing to take.

 **THE END**

* * *

 **All right, guys. That's all she wrote. I do leave a spot in the Not an Epi where there's a possibility for a small extension of this story at some point. See below.**

 **ACE is my next project, which is book 2 in the Men of Rapture series, and it's a second chance love. I'm taking a break from FF to write it completely, hopefully within a few months. Afterward, I promise to come back here and post something. A complete OS, short story, or who knows, even a full length. I do have a 3** **rd** **Men of Rapture book (NIKO) to write this year also, but I won't start it without bringing you something from me here first.**

 **The Safe Bet's Not an Epi posts next, if you want to read my vision for their future. If not, hit the x and call it done.**

 **Thanks for all your support!**

 **See you when I can :)**


	18. Not an Epi

**I need to give a huge thanks to 2browneyes and Sunshine1220 for always being willing to read whatever I send them, and thanks to Fran for all her work on the original oneshot! This story wouldn't be the same without you :)**

* * *

Edward and Bella wait until summer to look for somewhere to call home together, but they do stay in Seattle. They host their families at Thanksgiving the following year, where the parents meet, and then they do their own thing for New Year's by hosting all their friends, old and new.

The next two years, while in grad school, go by relatively smoothly. They keep their noses to the ground and work hard to obtain their degrees. Bella graduates and moves on to her first job and Edward starts his residency.

This is when things get bumpy.

They spend less and less time together and grow apart—this era is something we could possibly revisit with a short story in the future—but they work their way through it and finally have the wedding of Bella's dreams.

Bella ends up as a reporter for the Seattle Times, and Edward starts by joining another pediatrician in practice for the first few years after obtaining his license. Edward buys Dr. Volturi out when he gets ready to retire, and Bella freelances so they can start a family. They have two kids, one boy and one girl, but not until they're in their thirties.

Jasper and Jamie end up marrying the following year, but they divorce ten years later, only to get back together five years after that. They stay in Chicago, but they do visit and vice versa. Jamie adopts son number one during their five year separation, and once back together, they adopt a second son, as children is an issue for Jasper—one he overcomes with the loss of Jamie.

Rose and Emmett move to Seattle after Emmett retires from his pro football career. He takes a job with a high school team as a coach, and Rose is a teacher. They have four kids, one boy and three girls, and live in the same neighborhood as our ExB.

Alice and Riley don't get married, and we have no idea where he ends up, but our Alice is in New York and is a top exec for a big name advertising agency. She chooses not to marry or have kids, but out of nowhere, she meets Garrett at the age of forty-eight and is swept off her feet. They adopt a young teen girl who they stumble upon hiding in the alley behind their building. It takes a lot of time and work, but she finally comes to trust them.

Angela and Ben marry, but they divorce with the first five years. She then meets Benjamin, a nerdy accountant, two years later and they're still married.

Sue and Charlie never marry, but she's still by his side.

When Carlisle retires, he and Esme travel the world.

All of our characters remain lifelong friends, whether scattered across the US or all visiting one another for one event or the next. Edward and Bella live long, busy and happy lives, full of ups and downs, and filled with friends, family and each other.

* * *

 **There's room up there for a ficlette about a rough patch, but we'll see. I have a summer teen fic floating in my head, so I'd love to write that. I've never delved into the below 18 category, and I want to give it a try.**

 **Hopefully, I'll be back with something in a few months. See you next time :)**


End file.
